


At A Loss

by Raina_Bloom87



Category: Original Work
Genre: Drinking, Dubious Consent, F/M, Flashbacks, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love/Hate, Self-Defense, Self-Doubt, Sex, Trust Issues, Unknown ending, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, trama
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-03-20 09:30:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 78,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13714839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raina_Bloom87/pseuds/Raina_Bloom87
Summary: She was alone in so many ways. Life was not kind to her and she wanted it to end. Reaching the last straw she traveled the streets home to set in motion a plan formed years ago. . . . Then he appears. A man of legend, if you can call him a man.She wants him to leave but he keeps coming back. He comes back every night and tells her she's a goddess. Not any goddess, but HIS. She doesn't want to be HIS anything because that would mean having to open up about all she's trying to hide from.A year after they meet she is forced to acknowledge that he has grown on her. Now she must decide how much she is willing to give to keep him close.Will she give him her past with her heart? Or will she take her secrets to her grave?. . .





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first write. Many of the chapters are pre-written but I'm only going post one chapter every other week to make sure I don't leave too many spelling errors and such. Let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy.
> 
> P.s  
> Words will come up differently for many reasons.  
> I.E ) Italics are mental musings; Italic and bold is flash backs; plain font is normal write; bold is dream (can have a mix of the other forms while dreaming)
> 
> Other forms will appear in later chapters and I'll do my best to explain them when they come up.
> 
> I will also be including vid links for songs I mention throughout the story. I'll keep them at the bottom so as not to distract from the write. I will not use official vids as I feel they take away the power the words strike.
> 
> Thanks for being interested in my write. Raina

Prelude

        He comes to me every night. Every night since our first . . .I'm not sure why. I don't even think he knows why. He's always asking about my well being. I guess I shouldn't be surprised since I wasn't in the best shape when he first met me. It's not like he has any real reason to be invested in me. I don't have big money rolling in. I don't know influential people. I think it's a curiosity he has for me, but whenever I ask outright, he waves it off or turns back on me a question he keeps asking that I refuse to answer for him. It is that stalemate that keeps me from demanding an honest answer. I can't help but go back to that night every time I see him. . . 

  
        No matter how hard I try to forget it, he will always be a reminder of how low I was and how my life gained more than I ever thought it would.

 

 

**Chapter One**

 

_I can't do this anymore. I want it to just be over with and be gone. **The dark thoughts swirl through my head as I walk down the dark streets. It's really late. Later than I usually stay out. My light jacket does nothing to stop the chill in the air from cutting down to my bones. It doesn't help that I'm wearing a dress more suited for summer than late fall.** Well, after tonight that won't be an issue again will it? . . . Still I should of at least called a cab. **I berate myself for that folly on my part. But I was so angry that I didn't want to just sit and wait for a taxi. The cool air had felt nice at first. Calming the heat in my head. Making my anger turn to darker thoughts that started a plan in my mind that I have every intention of following through. I have to get home first. If I can call that hovel a home. It doesn't hold any good memories for me. More like a place to rest til the next day bares it's worthlessness again.**_

 

_**I so don't want to walk all the way back to the hovel. I'd call a cab and stay somewhere til it came to pick me up.**  Oh, but that would mean that someplace around here would have to stay open past midnight. Why the hell is this town so FUUUUUCKKKKKIIIIINNN' lame?  **Anger is returning. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. Maybe it is good for what I plan on doing. Put more force behind it so the damage is worse. Still, I have to get back to the semi comfort I've been allowed.  
**_

 

_**I know these streets too well. Hell, I've traveled them far too many times over the years chasing dreams. Everyone says that I shouldn't walk alone at night. Like there are evil monsters waiting around every corner. I took defense classes just to shut them up. That had worked for a time, but they still see me as a weak woman that shouldn't travel alone. Really pisses me off. I think that's why I do it so often. Just to prove them wrong. There's an alley up ahead. It cuts behind a bunch of abandoned buildings and closed stores. The lighting is bad and I know it's more shadow than anything. Still, it's the fastest way without having to take a six block detour. Not like I didn't travel the alley most nights anyway.  
** _

 

_**For some reason, a wave of unease runs down my spin as I enter the mouth of the alley. I hesitate and look over my shoulder. It feels as if someone is watching me. The streets are their normal quiet. The only sound coming from the winds that blow under my skirt and lifts it as if trying to give the world a view of my ass.** What the hell is wrong with you? **I chide myself.**  It's just nerves failing after this last straw. Get a grip and keep movin'!  **I shake myself and continue my walking. The unease stays with me as I move deeper into the shortcut. I pull my coat tighter around. Telling myself it's to fight against the cold and not that I'm scared or anything. I can't place why tonight of all nights that I would find myself afraid of the night. It has always been my friend. Day only brought the harsh reality of society's failing standards and hypocrisy.  
**_

 

_**I'm almost halfway through. And this part is my favorite. It's where it's the darkest and most open. On clear nights the moon can shine down right in the middle and still not wash away all the shadows. Many nights I would just stand in the middle and bathe in the glory of solitude and mystery that I feel when here. The unease washes away as I step into the center of my personal shadow land. I pause and let a bliss encompass me. A bliss that I only feel when I'm in places like this.** Is it any wonder? With all that you've been through? It's the only time you're sure that no eyes are watchin' your every move, waitin' for you to fail.  **That sobering thought makes me sigh. Bringing back to mind my plans. I'll miss this place. With that in mind I take a step forward to continue my journey. Then, I hear something I never expected to intrude on my privet haven. A voice.  
**_

 

_**"Didn't anyone ever tell you you shouldn't travel alone in the dark?"  
** _

 

_**I freeze mid-step. Was my mind finally cracking? Was I hearing things? I strained my eyes, even knowing it was useless, trying to find the body to that voice.  
** _

 

_**As if taunting me, the voice speaks again. "Then again, women these days don't think before they do stupid things." It was definitely a male voice. He sounded almost bored as he spoke. Like he comes across people like this often. The feeling of dread comes back full force.  
** _

 

_**"And who the hell asked your opinion?" My voice didn't crack once. Go me.  
** _

 

_**"Ahhhh. Fire. I like that. Makes things so much more interesting." He says it as if we are having a nice conversation in a well lite room.  
** _

 

_**My anger starts to boil, chasing back the fear. "Well I'm so glad I can bring you some joy."  
** _

 

_**He laughs at my snide remark.  
** _

 

_I don't have time for games. This nut job is just trying to mess with my head and I won't give him the satisfaction. **"Enjoy your sick humor. I have places to be and you're just a waste of my time."  
**_

 

_**"Oh, why the hurry? I was hoping to get to know you better."  
** _

 

_**I ignore him as I go back to walking through the alley. My stride a little faster as my ears strain to hear if the mystery man comes closer.  
** _

 

_**From some where behind me I hear his voice again, "You are being very rude. You didn't even ask who I was."  
** _

 

_**I scoff slightly.** Not like you would tell me anyway.  
_

 

_**As if hearing my thoughts he says offhandedly "Not like I would of told you anyway. The principal stands though."  
** _

 

_**I can't help myself as I find a scathing reply. "I only ask who someone is if they interest me. As you don't interest me. . . "  
** _

 

_**That seems to anger him as I hear a growl behind me. He's much closer than I expect.  
** _

 

_How the hell did he get so close without me hearing? **I don't think long on that as I see the street lamp at the end of the alley casting a faint glow towards me. . .us.** All I have to do is make it to the other end and He won't follow me out. . .I hope.  
_

 

_**I don't speed up. Not willing to let Him see that he's got to me. I more sense he's closer. I still can't hear a single step behind me.**  Damn this freak is quiet.  **I see the outline of a trash can at the mouth of my end of the next narrow alley path.** If I can just get to it fast enough I can flip it behind me and slow Him down.  **I'm almost to it. It doesn't feel like he's that close. Just a few more steps. Then. A hand grabs my arm and jerks me in the opposite direction of the garbage can. Slamming me into a wall across from it. Another hand wraps around my neck. Locking my jaw closed so I can't scream.  
**_

 

_**"Not so smart mouthed now are you?" His face is inches from mine. There is just enough light spilling down from the street that I can make out his features. His hair is very dark, maybe black, and shoulder length. His skin has to be a darker shade of cream. Jaw well defined but not too square with high, smooth cheek bones. His lips were a full that most women would kill for. A nose that was slightly askew, as if it had been broken at least once, but still fitting for his face. I notice his eyes last. As if dreading what I'll see in them. They are the most perfect almond shape I had ever seen. I don't think I could even replicate them in a drawing if I tried for days. What ever the color was I could not tell. All I notice is the look of some one who has killed before and will do so again with no remorse.  
** _

 

_**My heart was racing when He grabbed me. Now, looking into His eyes, all fear fades away.** Well, not the way I had hoped to go out. . . but what better way than to die at the hands of a beautiful predator.  **I feel the tension leaving my body. I just wait for the hand around my neck to tighten and take my last breath away.**_

 

_**His hand never twitches. A look of confusion crosses His face as he tilts his head slightly. The grip on my arm tightens to a very painful squeeze until I make a face, but no sound. The hand on my neck shifts slightly until his thumb and pointer are on either side of my jugular. He pinches just enough to make a numbing feeling start in my tongue. The feeling is so uncomfortable that I instinctively raise my free hand to try to stop his fingers from digging in.  
** _

 

_**That seems to not be the reaction He was hoping for as he releases the pressure on both my arm and neck and says, "You are a curious creature."  
** _

 

_**His hand is far enough down that I can open my jaw. I just start working my tongue in and out my mouth, trying to get feeling back into it.** Curious creature? Fuckin' asshole.  
_

 

_**"You don't seem afraid of me. Almost as if, you're not afraid to die."  
** _

 

_**He doesn't even know how right he is. I just look Him straight in the eyes and wait for his next move.  
** _

 

_**"But then, why did you try and pull my arm away when I was squeezing your neck?" His curiosity is plain on his face. Mixed with much confusion. I notice I haven't taken my hand off his arm. I leave it since I have no better place to put it. "And why are you making such strange faces?"  
** _

 

_**I still can't get the numbing feeling completely off my tongue and his saying my face was strange hit a sore spot that made my anger rise again. "You made my tongue go numb, you ass. I'm just trying to get the feeling back in it!"  
** _

 

_**He raises an eyebrow when I call him an ass, but otherwise does not react.  
** _

 

_**"Are you just gonna stand here observing me or are you gonna do something?" I snap in his face when he seems to be getting lost in his own thoughts.** _

 

_**That brought his attention back to me, ". . . .hmmmmmm. Not sure. You are a conundrum. I'm not used to my victims not fearing me."  
** _

 

_**I had reached my limit for people looking at me like a science experiment gone wrong long before this ass showed up. My rage reached a new peek. "Well then, as I have other things I need to get to, let me help make up your mind." With that, I take my hand holding his arm and press it into a pressure point near his elbow. His arm drops away from my neck and I quickly shift it down and back as I roll my arm around his to bring my fist back up to connect with his nose. I feel a crunch and wetness, signifying that I broke his nose. The hand holding my arm releases as he catches his face with it. I bring that arm up to grab a fistful of his hair,** (It's really soft. Wish I could get mine that soft)  **to bring his head back to smash it into my knee. As his head bounces back up I left my other leg and kick him in the stomach, sending Him flying backwards, back into the vast darkness of the alley.**_

 

_**I can just make out the outline of his crumpled body laying on the ground.** With any luck the fucker is dead and I won't see him again.  **I straighten my dress and turn to finally get out this alley. Swearing I'll never be out this late again. Then, I hear a noise behind me.  
**_

 

_**I turn to see the ass hole getting up. His movements are slow and jerky. I could easily run the rest of the alley and be free before he gets up enough to pursue me. Shock that he was even getting up keeps me rooted to the spot. I know that I hit him hard enough to split his skull. My knees had done damage to practice dummies.** _

 

_**His voice, a little choked with blood from his broken nose, calls out. "You should make sure your enemies are down for the count before leaving the battle." He spits, presumably blood, and continues speaking, "Is that the best you got? I'm not sure if I should be offended that that was all you thought needed to take me down or just pissed that I let you get the upper hand and was able to do any damage at all."  
** _

 

_**As he's talking he's gotten to his feet and walks towards me. I get into a fighting stance. I wasted too much time gawking to be able to make a good run anymore. I just hope my wedges don't fall off. I practiced in them enough, but that doesn't stop Murphy's Law.  
** _

 

_**The resilient man wipes blood from his nose as he steps back into the little light flowing down the alley. The blood flow seems to be stopping. I can swear I see the already forming knot on his head shrinking away again.** I must be seeing things. The night is just playing tricks on me.  **That is all I can tell myself as I see him lung for me.**_

 

_**I thought I knew where he was going when he lunged, but when I move to deflect and counter, he's not where I expected. In fact I don't see him anywhere in the alley. I could almost swear that he was a figment of my imagination if it wasn't for the pains in various parts of my body. I don't relax my guard as I turn slowly, listen for anything that may pop out at me. I hear a slight step behind me. Not even hear it as much as feel it. I turn and swing. He catches my arm and starts to push up. I bring my opposite leg up to kick him in the ribs. His other arm is there and grabs it mid-motion. His hand slides up my calf as he pulls me closer to him, throwing me off balance. In the same fluid motion he turns me and, once again, slams me into a wall. I have enough time to put my free hand on his shoulder before impact.  
** _

 

_**"You're not so good when I'm expecting it."** _

 

_**The wind is knocked out of me so I can't reply. Not that I have a reply on hand anyway.** _

 

_**"Still, I don't smell any fear from you." He sounds puzzled by the fact.** _

 

_Like I fear my own demise. **"Fuck. Off." That's all I can gasp out.  
**_

 

_**He chuckles a humorless laugh.  
** _

 

_**I try to squirm in his grip, but I can't move much. His left hand has my right arm pinned above my head. His right has my left leg hoisted high on his waist.  His legs are artfully placed between my legs so that I can't lift my other as his hips are pressed into my groin. The only things I can properly move is my left arm and head. Neither of them would get me far.** _

 

_**He doesn't even seem to be breaking a sweat. It's like detaining me costs him no effort.** He isn't even breathing hard from his broken nose. What the hell? It doesn't look like I even broke it.  **I now see that I was right about his nose. I look up at his head and see a slight trail of blood from his forehead but it seems as if it had healed already. "What are you?"  
**_

 

_**His smile broadens. "Oh, my dear, you'll see soon enough." As he speaks I see fangs descend from behind his upper lip. My breath catches in my throat.** _

 

_**I knew what he was in that very instant and I feel things clench in me that I hadn't felt stirring in a very long time. His look of glee shifts to confusion again. I can't help but blush as I realize that he must have sensed my traitorous body's reaction. I see a spark of something cross his eyes. I miss my chance to say anything when his fingers behind my thigh do a gentle stroke. I arch into him, unable to catch myself. My blush grows deeper.  
** _

 

_Oooooh fuck! Why now? Why with HIM? What is he doing now? **The vampire, because that is what he is, has a mischievous smile playing across his lips. My heart races at the sinful thoughts that smile brings to mind. He leans forward and brushes his nose alongside mine. I lift my head with the motion, bringing our lips close to touching. He reverses directions just short of completing the kiss, bringing our heads down until our foreheads touch and shifts his nose to the other side of mine. Repeating the process on that side. His fingers still play games behind my thigh while I try to shift away from the feeling, inadvertently grinding myself against him. I realize fast that I'm in a no win situation. But i'm too turned on to care.**_

 

_**It has been a long time since I let a man make me feel like this. Hell, it's been a long time since a man interested me enough to make me want to let them touch me enough to feel like this. Torn between the fact that I should be in terror that I was at the mercy of a vampire and thrilled to find out my libido wasn't completely dead. My libido seems to trump fear as I start making begging sounds.** _

 

_**His low laugh has a seductive quality to it this time. He shifts his hips enough to let my free leg move. I slowly bring it up to wrap around his waist. My skirt hikes up to the point that I can feel my panties pressing against him. He is rock hard beneath his jeans. I gasp at the feel of him pressed so close to my core. My eyes fall closed as I revel in the sensation. Like some unspoken invite, he leans in and kisses me. His mouth catches my next gasp as he grinds against my sensitive center. My free hand weaves it's way into his hair, urging the kiss deeper as we grind into each-other.  
** _

 

_**I feel a low growl vibrate from him into me as our passion increases. As he moves his hand that is holding my thigh, I wrap that leg around him too. I only half pay attention to him sliding his hand between us and the sound of a zipper being lowered.  
** _

 

_Why the hell am I letting him get to me like this? Why him? What is wrong with me? I haven't let someone touch me like this since- **I stop that train of thought. Knowing it won't lead to anywhere better. Before my mind can make me think on things I'd rather not, a new sensation hits me.  
**_

 

**_His hand is pressed between us. The back of it rubbing against the silk of my panties. I feel a moistness dampening the fabric. Everything low in me is clenching, as if begging for the attention I've denied it so long._  
**

 

_**I gasp for air as the vampire pulls his mouth from mine. Trailing kisses down my jaw to the soft spot along my neck. There is no room for fear in me as he gently nibbles and sucks along that sweet spot.**  Oh please just fuck me.  **I'm not sure if I say those words out loud, but if not it's like he read my mind as he slides his fingers under the edge of my panties and slips a finger into my depths. The sensation is almost too much as I cry out in ecstasy. My back arches away from the wall as I dig my fingers even deeper into his hair. I vaguely notice that his lips are no longer on my neck. I'm sure he is watching the look of bliss cross my face. Normally I would be embarrassed by such attentiveness. In this moment. . .it is as if I am dreaming and I can care less who sees what.  
**_

_**"I am going to take you now," he says as he shifts the little bit of fabric to the side, "and when you cum for me. . . ." He positions his phallus by my opening. "I will sink my teeth in you and feed as you orgasm." He brings my arm that is over my head and wraps it around his shoulder until my hands lock behind his neck. "Do you understand what I am saying?" His lips are next to my ear.** _

 

_**My breathing is ragged and I can hear my pulse thumping wildly. "Y-yes," I barely whisper out.  
** _

 

_**He positions both his hands under my thighs, just beneath my bottom, and thrusts into me.  
** _

 

_**If I thought the feel of his finger in me was bliss then this must be Nirvana. My whole body spasms as a minor orgasm takes control. He waits until my breathing levels out then draws himself out to push back in more slowly. I rock my hips against the wall to match his thrusts. It doesn't take long for us to find a rhythm and pick up our pace.** _

 

_**Time and place have lost all meaning to me. Only his body pressed against mine. The building of a deep climax. Sensations that I have been denied for far too long. My eyes have drifted close as I let this moment take me away in a sea of erotic fantasy come true. Even as he pounds deeper and harder into me I hold on tighter and push back with all the leverage I can manage.** _

 

_**It hits me in a wave of glory. My orgasm seeming so close but out of reach one thrust. Washing over me, making me scream out at the intensity the next. I feel him press his fangs against the opposite side of my neck and a slight sting as they break through the skin. The pain dulls quickly as he starts to suck, sending a different kind of pleasure down my body to mix with my orgasm. My breath catches in my throat from the shear euphoria that is coursing through my veins. I feel myself getting light headed, from the loss of oxygen or blood loss, I can't be sure.  
** _

 

_**Just when I think I'm going to pass out, He lifts his head from my neck, licks along the wound, then brings his face into view. I see my blood along his lips and a drop running from the corner of his mouth. I feel so light. The world is starting to fade away from me.** Am I dying? What a way to go. . . if I am. . . .I mean . . . it's better than any way I ever planned out.  **Everything goes dark. I can almost swear I hear him saying something to me.**_

_**But he couldn't be calling me his goddess if I'm dying . . . right.  
** _

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old arguments and bad habits. Standing up for friends while keeping secrets.

That was a year ago. _Was it really a year ago now? Huh. I wonder if he knows that._ I shake the thought away. It's not like we are dating. Nothing like that has happened since that night. Sure, there has been a few nights where we came close, but then the divine would step in and kill the mood, not letting anything get too heated. Not like we didn't find other things to get passionate over. 

 

As if thinking of the devil is as good as speaking his name, I hear Him enter. Uninvited, like every other time. I turn away from the window I'm gazing out. "You know knocking is still a courtesy," I call out as I walk out of my bedroom.

 

"Ahh, yes. But then, how would you know it was me, My Goddess?" 

 

I bristle at the pet name. I hate him calling me his goddess, as he has since that night. "Stop calling me that," I try to sound serious, but it comes out sounding like the over repeated statement that it's become.

 

And, without fail, his usual reply. "My Sweet Adriena, it is a pleasure to see you, too." I round the corner leading into my living room to find him leaning against my computer desk.

 

He stands at six foot even and has a lean but well toned body. His skin is the shade of mocha. His face is the same as ever. _Though, why would it change since he is the undead?_ He looks almost bored with his arms crossed over his chest and his ankles crossed. His black T-shirt and dark blue jeans hide honed muscles well. The only sign that he enjoys this over-played script is a glint in his eyes. They are a brown so dark they can appear to be black.

 

I roll my eyes to hide my anger at the fact that he used my full first name, adding to it the title that is my name sake. I hate that more than I hate him calling me his goddess. And he knows it. "Well, _Dominic_ ," I pause to give his name more meaning, "I can't say _pleasure_ is the word I'd use."

 

That brings a crooked smile to his lips. He never gave me his real name, so I chose one for him. When he asked me why I picked that name for him I refused to answer until he promised to stop calling me his goddess or my dreaded full name. Another stalemate that we have made over the last year.

 

"Adriena, My Goddess, I can make our encounter more pleasurable if you'd like."

 

I glare at him as I try to get control of my warring emotions. Part of me is pissed that he used both of the names I hate in one sentence. Another part remembers what it felt like the one time we did have sex and wants it again. The final part of me wants to run up and hit him for making me feel the way I do.

 

Dominic arches a brow, but otherwise says nothing, waiting for my next move. More games that we have played, and I never seem to win. Even when I walk away, I still feel as if I lost.

 

I decide to take the less noticeable loss and turn around, crossing the hall into the kitchen. I can't help but try to get the last word in as I call over my shoulder, "I don't have enough room around here to kick your ass for our usual foreplay." I know he got the reference when I hear a low growl from the living room.

 

I am not expecting to be suddenly stopped in my tracks as his arms wrap around me from behind. His lips close to my right ear, he whispers "My Sweet Goddess," one of his hands slides just under the edge of my yoga pants waistband, "there are many forms of foreplay." His other hand moves under my tank top, stopping just under my left breast. "And I can assure you," one thumb strokes the underside of my breast while the tips of his fingers run across the thin material of my panties, "that I am skilled in them all." My ear lobe is caught between his teeth as he gently nibbles on it.

 

The mix of sensations make my knees go weak and I lean back into him. Losing myself to visions of all the joys I'm sure I would enjoy at his hands. I reach back and grab two fistfuls of his jeans, as if they can hold me up as I sink farther into his touch. My ear is released as he kisses along my neck, finding that sweet spot at the base of my neck. Just as I think my knees are going to give out completely-

 

_RIIIIIIINNNNGGGGG RIIIIIIIINNNGGGGG_

 

The shrill sound of my cell phone brings me back to reality.

 

I stand up straight and pull Dominic's hands away as I run to grab it from my room. I hear a low growl from him as I do so, but ignore it as I try to beat the voicemail from picking up.

 

I don't even look at the screen as I hit the answer button. "H-hello?" I'm a little breathless from running and from-

 

"Heeeeeeyy, Girlie. Am I interrupting anything?" My best friend has an excited tone to her voice. I'm sure she's grinning ear to ear at the thought of me getting laid. I'm so glad she can't see my face as I sit down on the edge of my bed.

 

"Yeah, right. Like I got some man here that is trying to have his evil way with me and I stopped him to pick up the phone." My breathing is more stable as I keep talking. I try not to lie to my best friend. _But really you're not. I mean he's not so much a man as a vampire that's male._ The lies I tell myself though. 

 

"Mmmmmhhhumm. Then why are you so out of breath?" Once again I'm happy she can't see my face as, right then, Dominic leans on my bedroom doorway. The look he gives me is all too knowing.

 

I shift so I can't see his face as I reply, "My phone is on the charger in my room and I was in the kitchen when I heard it going off. Nearly busted my shit running to get it. I mean, who the hell else would be callin' me at this hour?"

 

My smooth explanation seems to appease her, "Ok. Well, Girlie. . . ."

 

Her hesitation gets my full attention. It's a habit she only applies when she's about to ask me something serious. "Spill it, Ella. What's going on?"

 

"Ok ok. So, hears the deal. I have a date with this guy, but I've never met him before and he wants to meet in this club but I don't want to go by myself. . ."

 

_A guy. Another guy for her to throw herself at and dump in a few weeks cuz they keep askin' for more than she wants to give. When is she going to learn?  
_

". . . 'Riena?"

 

I got so lost in thought that I forgot to reply. "Oh, uuhhh. . . .I take it there is a question in this ramble?" Nice save? I hear Dominic chuckle. I know he can hear every word Ella is saying and is watching my thoughts play across my face. Some times I forget he is around when I'm on the phone and leave myself open to interpretation.

 

"Ooooh, come on! You damn well know I'm askin' you to come with. Just in case." I can hear the pleading in her voice. Dominic is almost outright laughing. At the conversation or the look of exasperation on my face, it's hard to tell.

 

I get up from my bed and walk back by the window I was staring out earlier. I sigh in defeat, "Fiiine. When does he want to meet up?"

 

"Eeeeeee! I knew I could count on you, Girlie." I roll my eyes at that statement. Like I would never be there for her. "He wants to meet up tonight at nine-"

 

"Wait, what!? It's already seven. Why the hell are you just telling me about this now!?"

 

I swear I can hear her cringe on the other end. "Well - you see - we just made the plans, like right before I called you. . . ."

 

I put my head in my free hand. _Of course she would make last min plans and call me to jump right in._ I groan into the receiver. Not even trying to hide my displeasure with the situation. "And what would you have done if I had to work tonight?" Not that I did or I wouldn't have been able to pick up in the first place.

 

"I know you don't work tonight. I have your schedule, remember?"

 

_Ahhh, yes._ How I forget that is beyond me. I've been sending her my hours every week for months. Still I have to get across to her that I don't like last minute bombs like this. "Oh, and what if they had called me in and I went? What would you have done then?"

 

"I would have just not shown up and made some lame excuse when he calls to ask. Then wait until you have a free day to meet up then." She says it so matter of fact, it's hard not to laugh. I shouldn't be surprised as it is an old tactic she's used more than once.

 

I sigh in defeat.

 

"Yay! I'll be over to pick you up in an hour. Wear something hot. Who knows. Maybe you'll get lucky, too" She hangs up so fast, I can't say anything else.

 

I have been defeated again. I turn to see Dominic staring at me with a non-too-pleased look on his face. I choose to ignore it as I go to my closet and start picking through my clothes.

 

"You're just gonna let her rope you in like that?" His tone sounds bored for the most part, but I have spent too much time with him to know he is fuming under his facade.

 

"Well, it's not like I have any other plans for tonight." I say over my shoulder as I pull my little black dress off it's hanger.

 

"But she didn't even call you first and ask if you were ok with this. She just-"

 

"Look!" I turn to face him full on as I cut him off, "I know what she did. If I didn't want to go then I could of just said no. It is something I have said before." My anger is starting to rise as it does every time he finds fault with Ella. "I know you don't like her. You don't have to like her. She is my best friend and has been for years," I can't hold still so I go to my dresser and start pulling out other things I need to go with the dress. "There are many times she has been there for me, without question, and we do spend time just hanging out. Just the two of us."

 

"Where was she the night you wanted to die?"

 

The cold, quiet question takes me off guard. I pause. Flashes of that night pass across my vision and I start to shake. _NO! Don't think on it. You're stronger now. . . . Aren't you?_ I clench the clothes in my hands. Anger, my constant friend, washes over me.

 

"I won't tell you this again," my voice is low and filled with rage, "She had nothing -NOTH-ING- to do with that night. The next time you try and make her at fault for it, I will kill you." I look Dominic right in the eyes as I say this. I want him to be clear on the honesty of my threat. I see something pass across his face before I break eye contact. I don't wait for a reply as I storm past him and head to my bathroom to change. 

 

Once I close the door behind me I dump my clothes in the sink and clutch the edge of it to steady myself. My breathing is labored. My vision is blurring. I concentrate on taking calming breathes. 

 

_One. . . In. . . Two. . . Out. . .Three. . . In  
_

 

My pulse slowly returns to normal. I take my clothes out of the sink and set them on the lid of the toilet. Turning the cold water on full blast in the sink I cup my hands under the running water. I splash a few handfuls onto my face and even run some along the back of my neck to help me cool down. I grab the hand-towel that hangs next to the sink and dry my face and neck off. Only once this is done do I dare look in the mirror mounted on the wall. My face looks the same as it did this morning. A rounded oval shape with slightly prominent chin. Soft cheeks surround a nose that dominates the center of my face. If it wasn't for the fact that my lips have a cupids bow, top and bottom, and spread out farther then my nostrils my nose would seem disproportionate on my face. Both my eyebrows are softly arched, one being a little more so than the other thanks to the cowlick in it. I can't even say my forehead is too large or too small. The only thing that looks anywhere near different is my brown eyes. They are oval shaped with long dark lashes I get complemented on regularly. But the look in them is one so haunted and lost. It is the same look I seen in them in the hotel bathroom mirror. I took off shortly after, to walk home those many nights ago. 

 

_Stop now! It's not the same anymore. Things are getting better. He doesn't understand. You won't give him answers. What do you expect?_

__  
I expect him to drop it and just let me move on.  


 

_With looks like this, do you really expect him to?  
_

 

_I don't know what to expect from him! He always seems to be trying to do something for me. But then he does asshole things.  
_

 

_You could try and find out more about him to see what motivates him to keep coming around.  
_

 

_But in return I'll have to tell him things about my past. And the more he knows the more he'll be able to put pieces together.  
_

 

_And would that be so bad?_

 

_Yes! I want those years to just go away. When I moved I was trying to get a fresh start. How can I have that if I keep reliving everything.  
_

 

_You don't have to tell him everything. If you just let him know enough. . . Let him know-  
_

 

_No! I can't! I won't! He hasn't earned that right.  
_

 

_. . . Nor has anyone else. What will it take for anyone to earn it?  
_

 

I look down at my hands as I feel warm water dripping on them. It's not warm water. It's my tears. I didn't even feel them running down my cheeks as I argued with myself. I wipe away the tears on my face and start to get changed.

 

I think back on the first time I had this argument. It was about a month after the alley.

 

I was trowing myself into everything I could to forget about that awful night. The only reminder being Dominic's constant nightly visits to check up on me. I refused to go out unless I had to shop or go to work. Dominic had brought up the alley again. Before we had reached our stalemate, he was very persistent in trying to get me to talk about it. Ella had called during the argument and I ignored her. She knew something was wrong. I could tell she knew. But, as I didn't want to talk. . . .

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A slip up to hide from

**_"What? You're not gonna use a phone call as an excuse to ignore my questions?" Dominic sneers at me._ **

 

**_"I don't need a phone to ignore you. It just helps." I snip back._ **

 

**_I storm through my hovel, picking up random things I kept failing to put away for lack of desire at the time. Right now seems like the best time to do so. Keeps my hands busy.  
_ **

 

**_"I know that look. It was the look of someone who has given up and is just waiting for the end." He keeps insisting we talk about what happened the night we met.  
_ **

 

_**I don't want to talk about what happened. I ignore him and grab more stuff to put away in another room. A room that is not the one he is in. Not like there are many in this three room dump.** _

  
_**He follows me into my bedroom. "You have fight left in you," he tries again. "If you didn't, then you wouldn't of kicked my ass like you did."** _

__

_**The thought brings a small smile to my lips. He at least admitted that if he were still human then that ass whooping would of killed him.  
** _

 

_**"Please-"  
** _

 

_**RIIIIIINNNGGGG RIIIIIINNNGGGG  
** _

 

**_He cuts himself off as my cell phone rings again. I look at the caller i.d. It's Ella, again. I hit the silent button._ **

  
_**He read the screen over my shoulder. "Why don't you just answer it? She's been calling you all day."** _

 

**_"How the hell would you know that?" I turn on him._ ** _Has he been in my apartment all day and just hiding? What else did he hear? What else did he see?_

 

**_"You don't exactly lock your phone." He raises an eyebrow at me. I know a look of panic crossed my face. I couldn't hide it. I just turn from him and go back to doing everything else._ **

  
_**My phone rings again in my hand. I hit the silent button without even checking the screen.** _

__

**_"If you want me to go so you can talk to her in private, I will. You need to talk to someone. If she's calling you this much then she obviously cares."  
_ **

 

**_RIIIIIINNNGGGG RIIIIIINNNGGGG  
_ **

 

**_"Aaaaaarrrrrrrggggg!!!!!" I hit the reject button this time and start hitting the buttons to turn it completely off.  
_ **

 

**_"Why won't you talk to her!?" Dominic yells at me.  
_ **

 

**_He's never outright yelled before and the shock of it make me yell back, "Because she can't help me anymore now then she could that night!"  
_ **

 

**_A look of shock crosses Dominic's face. I can see the gears moving in his head. ". . .She. . .she was there that nig-"  
_ **

 

**_"Don't!" I cut him off. I gave him more information than ever before._ ** _Look what you've gone and done now._ **_"I won't say anything else about it. Stop telling me what I should and shouldn't do."  
_ **

 

**_"Does she even know?" It's like he can't stop asking questions. "Did she see who fucked you up that bad? Did she even try to stop them?"  
_ **

 

_**I feel my head spinning.** S-stop! Stop!!! STOP!!!! **"STOOOOP!!!!!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I put my hands over my ears, but when the hard plastic of my phone connects hard, I throw it away from me. I hear it hit something vaguely. I don't even care anymore. My head is still spinning. My knees give out and I sense myself falling. Almost in an out of body kind of way. I know it's me falling, but it doesn't feel like it's me. I expect my body to hit the ground, but then there are arms around me.**_

 

_**My senses come crashing back. I lean heavily on Dominic as he lowers us both to the ground. I clutch at his shirt as I bury my face in his shoulder and cry. I cry until there are no tears left and keep crying out all the pain in my soul. Dominic just holds me, saying nothing.** _

__

**_I want to say something -anything- to not feel like a fool, crying in a strange man's arms. I feel my lips moving but I can't hear what I'm saying over the buzzing in my ears.  
_ **

 

**_I feel myself passing out. My lips are no longer moving. Breathing seems such a struggle. I lost sight a while ago. As my consciousness fades I hear Dominic whisper into my hair, "I'll take away your pain."  
_ **


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remorse and adventures

Obviously I finally called Ella back. _But you waved away her concern just like you do Dominic's._ I don't listen to myself as I apply my make-up. Ella had let it drop and doesn't press for information. She knows that when I'm ready to talk about it, I will. _You don't have any intention of ever talking about it._ The voice in my head is right, I know, but I don't want to bog down someone else with my messed up past. If Dominic could just get a clue and realize that then I can get past it all. _Hiding from it doesn't make it getting past it._

  
I finish the final touches and turn to face the full length mirror mounted on the back of the bathroom door.

  
My Auburn hair is tied back in a half ponytail. The tail part twisted and fluffed so it sticks up in spikes behind my head. I accented my eyes with smokey gray eye shadow. Just enough to draw attention to them but not enough to make them the focus. I have yet to find a shade of blush that I like on my olive complexion, so I settle for a slight shimmer gloss that glints when the light hits just right. For my lips I warred with the shade of lipstick the longest. In the end I found the richest, deepest, red I own. With the natural hue of my lips as a base, it looks like blood and lust. Ironic now that I think about it. I had bought it just a few weeks before the incident. Planning on wearing it to the party. I had changed my mind last second and wore another color. Until now I had forgotten it at the bottom of my make-up box. _This color looks really good on me. I think I'll wear it more._

  
I don't bother with earrings as I always seem to lose one or get it caught in my hair so much I just take them out anyway. My little black dress is an interesting number that I've only worn once. I have to wear a strapless bra as the dress sits off the shoulders. The zipper in the back pulls it tightly to my form so the shoulder fabric hangs freely down my arms in a downward arch. I could wear it without the bra, but the cleavage effect is so much better with it. When walking around with a set of double-d's it's good to wear a bra anyway. The waist is so form fitting that if I had more tummy it would show that I'm more than a few pounds over weight. This dress makes me look much slimmer than I actually am. The skirt reaches down to my knees and is slightly flared. I love that when I spin in it the hem billows out. To cover my legs I wear thigh high garter-less stockings. They stop at mid-thigh and are a one time use kind, but they are so much more convenient than full nylons when it comes to mundane things like going to the bathroom. I wear a pair of silk panties under them that cover enough of my ass to not give everyone looking a good peek and still look hot.

  
All I have to add to my ensemble is the black wedges that I love and the silver choker I left in my room in my haste to be away from Dominic. When Ella says to dress up I do as she says or she will drag me back to my room to dress me her way. Her way is much more slutty. I haven't let myself get this dressed up in more years than I care to think about. It feels nice. I'm not sure if I would have gone this far into the hot zone if I hadn't been so pissed at Dominic. Part of me really wants to prove to him that I am my own woman and he can't control what I do. The other is still a little revved up from his caresses in the kitchen and needs an outlet since sex is not on the menu.

  
I step out of my bathroom and head down the hall to my bed room. _Is he still here?_ I am a bit surprised that I almost hope he is. I was really mad when I went to change and was hoping he would leave before I got out so I don't have to deal with him anymore tonight. Now that I'm dolled up. . . I want to see his reaction for validation. _But why would you want that? You're trying to chase him away. Not make him stay. And what happened the last time you sought validation from someone?_ I shake my head as I mentally kick myself for even thinking about getting approval from Dominic.

  
I grab the choker and clip it on as I check the time on my cell phone. Ella will be here in ten minute. When she says a time, she is on time. I grab a small purse from the back of my closet and throw a few essentials into it. My wallet, house keys, cordless charger, the red lipstick, and my cell phone. I slip my feet into my wedges and head to the kitchen to get a drink. Water in the stomach before drinking can stave off a hangover.

  
I turn to the kitchen, when I hear a sound behind me. I turn to see Dominic sitting in a chair with his mouth hanging open like a gold fish. On the ground by his feet is a book that he apparently dropped in his shock at seeing me.

 

I raise a brow at him in question.

 

"You -um- you look- . Wow" He can't seem to take his eyes off me. He doesn't even blink as his eyes rove down then back up my attire. Points for not starting at the bottom and working his gaze up.

 

I turn and strike a slight pose so he can see the full effect. I can't help a small thrill that goes through me as he takes a labored breath in. "I do know how to clean up." I say matter-of-factly.

 

That brings his eyes back to my face. "I never doubted you could." The earnestness in his voice makes me blush and I have to look away.

 

He's in front of me in a heartbeat. He puts a finger under my chin and turns my head to face him, not letting go until I look him in the eyes.

 

"I knew you were a goddess the first time I seen you. Now you look the role you were born to."

 

My heart flutters at his compliment. I don't believe he is right. I believe that he believes it truth, but I have never been worshiped. Why should it start now?

 

As if reading the mistrust in my eyes, "You are a goddess. The way you let people worship you does not change that. You have to show them your power and make them treat you with the respect you deserve." His hand brushes a loose hair from my face. "Or crush them for their folly. Do not let them make you feel mortal when you are not. They just don't like not having your power and try to take it from you. You are a force all your own," he smiles crookedly at me, "show them your true glory."

 

I feel his belief wash over me. This is not the first time he has said kind words to uplift me when I felt insecure. They are never the same, but the message is. I am better than anyone who would tear others down for their own self worth. A tear escapes the corner of my eye, but Dominic catches it before it can reach the shimmer on my cheek. I open my mouth to say something, anything,when a familiar car horn honks outside. The moment is broken as he steps back from me.

 

I hesitate as I watch him head back to the chair and pick up the book he dropped. He doesn't turn around. I open my mouth again to say something- and another honk blares. I run to my kitchen window and push aside the curtain, waving to Ella that I'll be out in a minute. When she gets impatient things can go ugly fast. I throw my purse over my shoulder and grab a coat from the hall closet. I pass the living room on my way to the front door. Glancing in as I pass I see Dominic back in the chair with the book open and in front of his face.

 

As I close the front door behind me I hesitate one last time. "Thank you." I whisper back into the house. I'm not sure if he could hear me or if I just thanked air. Either way I said it and that has to count for something.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get into Ella's Mustang. I couldn't tell the year or make to save my life, as cars are not my thing. She turns down the radio that is playing some bass filled song. Ella turns to face me as I buckle in.

  
"Wow. . . Just wow." That is her only comment on my attire. I can't help but feel her reaction to my apparel a little lacking. _She isn't a man tryin' to get under your skirt. Plus, she has seen you dressed up often enough._ "Ok then. You ready to storm the club with two hot chicks?"

  
I smile at her enthusiasm. "Sure. But first. . . Tell me what you know of this new man we're meeting."

  
It's all the encouragement she needs to start explaining the who, what, when, where, whys of this one. I settle in and listen halfheartedly as she talks, making sure to respond appropriately when needed. I gaze out the window and watch the world pass us by. Her excitement is catching, but I can't help but feel a little apprehension. This is the first time I've been to anything with large numbers of people in a year. Not including work or the few family things that were mandatory.

  
I envy Ella her ability to keep trying. I used to be just like her when we first met. So much so that we started to call each-other our long lost twin. It's funny in so many ways as we are not even the same age, Ella being six years younger. Add the fact that she is black and her body shape is nowhere near the same as mine. Yet, we became so close so fast that it seemed as if we had known each-other for our entire lives and just hadn't met.

  
"Oh my god, Girlie!" Her sudden outburst catches my full attention. "You should so come to Florida with me for Christmas. It'll be so nice and warm. Nothing like it is here."

  
_Sure, I'll do that. When pigs fly._ "You know I don't like the idea of flying. Besides, I'm saving up to go to Arizona."

  
"Ha! You've been doing that for years. What is in Arizona anyway? Plus, if you come to Florida with me you can get a nice tan on the beach and. . . " I let her keep talking about how great Florida is as I zone out. She has been inviting me to go with her for years now. She has family down there and she only sees them for the holidays. I think she wants me with to keep her company and stave away the boredom their uptight Christian ways impose on her. To be fair, she has asked me to go other places with her when she travels for work or just to travel. I always find an excuse not to go with. Still, she keeps inviting me with hopes that one day I will cave.

 

"Ummmm, Ella?" I interrupt her when we turn another corner and I have no idea where we are. _How long have we been driving anyway?_ "Where is this club that you're meeting him at?"

  
She has the grace to look a little sheepish as she replies, "Milwaukee. . . " I gasp in shock. Before I can say anything she cuts me off as she turns onto the interstate. "I know you don't like going places that are too far for you to take a cab if something happens. This is a halfway point for both of us and I know where I'm going -before you ask." She looks pointedly at me as I was about to ask that very thing. "I have been here before and I know enough of the bartenders to feel safe in going. Jared doesn't know that-" _Who the hell is Jared? Oh, right, he's the guy we're going up to meet._ "-so if he tries anything, we have back-up to kick his ass. Not like you can't hold your own in a fight. And, you'll be with me. You know I won't let anything happen to you."

  
The way she says that last part is almost like a question. With the word 'right' at the end. I don't look at her for fear that I'll give something away. I can feel her watching me out the corner of her eyes. She is more subtle than Dominic when she fishes for information on that night. I'm too observant to not know she is doing it. I know she still wants to know what the hell happened. She may even blame herself for dragging me to that party in the first place. She hadn't asked me to go to any parties for a while after that. Like the twin I think of her as, she just knew that I didn't want to go to another. This is different. This isn't a party. It's a club where people of all kinds come together and dance and drink and let loose. I can do clubs. . .I think.

  
Only a minute has passed since Ella stopped talking. The tension in the car has risen drastically. I don't like going places I don't have a back up plan to escape if need be. I've been like this long before meeting her and she knows this. I also don't like making her feel like a bad person when all she is trying to do is broaden my horizon. I know that if I tell her I want to go home she will turn the car around. _And her night will be ruined and you will make her feel like shit cuz she wants to have an adventure with you._ Guilt weighs heavy on my heart at that thought, and made stronger as I look out the corner of my eye to see Ella's hands gripping the steering wheel tight. Her face looks impassive, but I know better.

  
I take a deep breath. "Lets just go," I say in defeated. "We're this far anyway. It'd be a waste of gas to not see this through."

  
My lack of fight seems to ease the tension as I visibly see her relax back into the seat and loosen her grip on the wheel. A small smile forms on Ella's lips. "Girlie, you won't be disappointed."

  
_Even if I am. . . . It's not like I'd burst your bubble._

  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It's close to 9 p.m. when we pull up into a parking lot behind a large building. The lot is huge and is almost packed with vehicles. There are parking lots lights every so many yards so we can see clearly as we exit the car. There are even several more shining down from the back of the building, making it as bright as day.

  
"Damn. They take precautions very seriously."

  
"You think this is something? Wait until you see the front."

  
This takes me aback for a second as I thought we would be going in by the lone door that sits in the middle of the vast wall.

  
Ella opens the back door on her side of the car and leans in to grab something. I walk around to her side and watch as she changes out of her sneakers into a pair of red heels that would make a hooker proud. _At least she's practical enough to not try and drive in them_.

  
"This way, Girlie." She shuts the door, making sure it locks, and leads the way to the front of the building.

  
There are no windows I can see as we round the first corner and head up the block towards the front. There are not as many lights on this side, but it is still well lite. We didn't talk much the rest of the way here, instead falling into a comfortable silence. That silence continues as we walk. _If this keeps up, though, it's going to make the ride home longer than it was to get here._ I distract myself from my thoughts by checking out what Ella is wearing, as I couldn't see it clearly in the car.

  
Ella is the same height as me, but stands three inches taller in her heels. She didn't bother with nylons as her legs are so dark they seem pointless. Her dress is the same shade of red as the heels and is much shorter than mine. It ends in the front about mid thigh and just barely covers her larger butt in the back. _Black girl booty._ The dress is just as form fitting as mine, but where I have to hide my extra tummy, Ella's is flat and her curves are more prominent. Where she has more ass then me, she losses in chest. Barely a b-cup. They look more like a c-cup with the push up I know she wears. Her dress doesn't come off the shoulder. Instead it has those do-they-even-count-as-sleeves sleeves that cover her shoulders. The front does a low scoop that show off the little cleavage she has. The flesh hidden there is made up for by the back having almost none until it reaches the small of her back, only broken by a bar of fabric that is her bra.

  
I could never pull off a dress like that. _As if you would want to. She has to wear a front clasping bra just to pull it off._ The last time I tried to wear a bra that clasped in the front was so painful that I swore never again. I still have the scar it left when it snapped. _Victoria's Secret doesn't know how to make bras for women like me._

  
Ella turns her face to me and smiles. I smile back as I study her face. Her head is more round with chubby cheeks that cause dimples as she smiles. She has the stereo type lips and nose for black women. Even her brown eyes are almost black. _Though not in the same way as Dominic's._ I am glad Ella returned her attention forward as I blush. Pushing that thought to the darkest corners of my mind I go back to observing Ella's make-up. Her skills far surpassed mine in that department. Where my lipstick looked as blood on me, her shade of red made her lips seem to pout and beg for kisses. A foundation that almost matched her natural skin tone helps the pinkish blush stand out. A little mascara make her lashes look fuller, but still can't make them as long as mine. The eye-shadow is the same shade as the lipstick and fans off the side in a dramatic sweep that makes her eyes look bigger. _When I do that I just end up looking like a bad Cleopatra_.

  
I admire her single plait breads as they sway around her head. They don't move past her ears as if afraid to hide her face. I know it has more to do with her learning how to hold her head so they won't, but the illusion is awe-inspiring. I also give credit to how much effort she put into growing it out past her shoulders. Black hair is just not friendly that way.

  
We're almost to the front corner and I hear voices clamoring to be heard over each-other. As we round it the sight is overwhelming.

  
The front is lite up in bright colors from the spot lights that flash across the building. There is a long line of people trying to get in that runs from about half way down to the very corner we rounded. There is a divider rope that separates people in line from those that are walking by or just chatting with those who are waiting.  
"How the hell are we gonna get in there with this long of a line?" I ask incredulously.

  
"Have faith in me, Girlie. I have my ways." Ella has a very sly look on her face. She takes my hand and pulls me with her as she heads for, what I presume, is the entrance.

  
I have no choice but to follow as she has a death grip on my hand. We get many shady looks as we walk past everyone in line. Some even give us smug looks, as if they know something we don't. Ella ignores them all. She drops my hand and walks up to the door man.

  
"Heeeey, Tiny," she greets him warmly. _What the hell is with the nickname tiny for such big ass men?_ And big he is. I'm willing to bet he's taller than Dominic and three times as wide. All solid muscle. There must also be some code for what you must look like to be a door man as he is a bald white man in his early thirties. He looks like a movie cliche.

  
'Tiny' smiles at Ella and bends over, wrapping his arms around her in a bear hug that lifts her off her feet. The dress just stays beneath her ass. "La la!" His voice is very deep and booming. _La la?_ "Good to see you again. And who is your friend?" He looks over Ella's head at me.

  
"This is-" she reaches over and pulls me closer to 'Tiny', "-my twin, Riena."

  
He doesn't even bat an eye when she calls me her twin. "Ahhhh. So you're the one she keeps talking about. I was wondering when La la was going to drag you up to see us."

  
I don't know what to say to this, so I just smile.

  
"Hahahaha!" His booming laugh almost deafens me. "No need to be shy. La la is such a regular that she's practically family. By extension, that makes you family too."

  
I look at 'La la' with questions written all over my face. _Regular? Family? La la?_ Ella refuses to give me eye contact as she addresses 'Tiny' again.

  
"What a way to treat family," she chides him jokingly, "making us stand out in the cold with all this riff-raff." She pouts a little to show her displeasure.

  
'Tiny' laughs again as he steps aside and opens the door that was hiding behind him. "Go on in, you little minx. And try to stay out of trouble."

  
Ella takes my hand and pulls me past 'Tiny'. "Can't make any promises!" She calls over her shoulder. Booming laughter drowns out the indignant yells from the people waiting in line before the door shuts.

  
There is a slight buzz of music drifting down to us. We are in a long hallway that is dark compared to outside. Ella still has a firm grip on my hand as she leads me down it. I can almost make out the lyrics to what's playing when Ella turns sharply and drags me through a doorway off to the side.

  
"Wha-what the hell?" I ask as Ella releases my hand and takes my jacket from me. My eyes refocus to the change of scene. We are in a small room, about ten by ten square, that has a large counter on the other side. Behind the counter stands a woman in a very formal waitress-like attire. Her hair is pulled back from her face and she's smiling warmly at us.

  
"Just one for the check in." Ella says to the woman as she hands over my jacket.

  
The woman rolls her eyes as she reaches under the counter. "I'm surprised you even remember where this room is, since you never have a coat of your own." Her voice is soft.

  
"I have coats!" Ella says indignantly, "I just never need them when I'm here." The coat lady shakes her head and leans to look past Ella.

  
"And to whom does this coat belong to?" She's talking to me. Suddenly I feel like a fool standing a few feet into the room were Ella left me.

  
Ella seems to have just noticed that I hadn't moved from the spot and runs back to me. Grabbing one of my arms in both of hers, she hauls me to the counter to stand in front of the coat lady. I look past her real fast and see racks and racks of coats on hangers behind her.

  
"Your name?. . . " The woman is looking at me expectantly.

  
"Uh. . . Riena?" _You sound so sure of yourself._ I blush as I realize how stupid I sounded.

  
The coat lady only smiles brighter as she turns back to Ella, who is trying not to laugh behind her hand. I yank my arm free of her grip and place my hands on my hips.

  
"Oh ha ha! Just laugh and get it over with."

  
That is all the urging Ella needs to lose control as she throws her head back and laughs hysterically. I turn my attention back to the coat lady.

  
"My name is Riena," I say calmly with a straight face. Very pointedly ignoring a certain someone behind me who is still in a fit.

  
"Ok then, Riena, here is your ticket for coat retrieval." She hands me a plastic disc with numbers on it. On a piece of paper she has already written the numbers from my disc and under those writes my name.

  
"It's spelled R-I-E-N-A." I correct her when I see she's spelling it with two E's.

  
"Oh, sorry." She corrects the error and grabs a hanger from somewhere beside her. There is a clear card holder hanging from the neck of the hanger, in which she places the paper, and hangs up my jacket. "Just present the tag, on your way out, and someone will bring you your jacket."

  
Ella has gained her composer by now and wraps an arm around me. Just as I'm about to thank the lady, Ella cuts me off.

  
"The look on your face, Girlie. Oh! I should be nice and introduce you. Jazz this is my sister. Sis, meet Jazz."

 

I wave awkwardly at Jazz. Her brows furrow for a moment. Then her eyes light up with excitement.

  
All professionalism is gone as she leans across the counter and grabs onto the hand I just waved at her. "O-M-G! I'm so happy to meet you. Do you _even_ know how much La la even brags about you? Every one was beginning to think that you're just a figment of her imagination. Or that you were?" She tilts her head and looks to the ceiling as if that may hold the answers. "Anyway! I'm just glad that she isn't nuts and you found the time to make it here."

  
My hand is released just as abruptly as it was taken. Jazz stares at me, beaming with pure joy.

  
"Thanks. . . .I think." I look to Ella for what to do next.

  
"Ok. Ok. Jazz, I'd love to stay and chat, but we have to hit the dance floor." Ella turns me around and shoves me back out into the hall.

 

Once we're a few feet from the coat room I dig in my heels and pull Ella to a stop.

  
"Ok _La la_ , before we have any other crazy encounters, start talkin'."

  
She sighs dramatically, "So I've been coming up here for a while now-"

  
"I can guess that much."

  
"-and everyone has nicknames here cuz, like, no one -no one- wants to be known. They all just want to have fun. I kept wanting to bring you up here, but you always had other things in mind or to do or just didn't have time. Jared is just my excuse to get you to come here. I mean, sure, if we connect then it'll be great. Really I just want you to get out and have some fun. We haven't gone out like this in ages."

  
I feel a little guilt at her words. She is right. I made excuse after excuse for not going to parties or events since that night. I made plans just so I wouldn't be available when any came up. We did go and see movies, went out to eat, sat in and played games. I just refused to let her drag me to settings that reminded me too much of-. _But you're out now and you need to make the best of it. No one knows who you are here. She already said that no one wants to be known._

  
"Ok. . . .But why 'La la'?" I ask to distract her and myself from my guilty behavior.

  
"I didn't choose it, I swear. When I first came here I was in such awe of everything. The bartender was trying to get my attention, but I didn't notice. When he did. . . he said I looked to be off in _La la Land_. It stuck and now everyone here calls me that."

  
I smile at the irony to that. I've been accused of drifting off to La la Land more times than I can count. "That makes sense. But how do I come into the picture?"

 

"Weeeellll. . . . When they first started making jokes about my space casing, I told them it's nothing compared to my sister." She looks very sheepish. "I may brag about you to everyone." _Brag? About me? What is there to brag about?_

  
I let that go as I try to hide my discomfort with the whole situation. "I see. You mentioned something about a dance floor?"

  
Ella perks up instantly. Without another word she takes my hand again and half runs down the rest of the hall.

  
A beaded curtain blocks the latest doorway. A couple walks through them and pass us by. The music is so loud, I can barely hear my own thoughts. Ella grabs a handful of the beaded curtain in front of me and watches me as she pulls them aside.

 

 


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day in the life of estranged twins

There are not enough ways for me to describe the sights that assault me. Ella pulls me forward so we don't block traffic as a group comes up behind us. I step to one side as I try and take stock of everything at once.

  
To the left there's a counter with stools every foot or so. At the far end, before it reaches the corner, the longest bar I have ever seen dominates the left wall. I can see a few breaks where staff can exit as needed, but otherwise it extends all the way to the other end. The wall behind the bar is supporting mirrors that run its full length. Bottles and bottles of booze sit on shelves that sit in front of the mirrors.

  
On my right, a few feet away, a metal stair case leads to another floor. Past the stairs I see round tables with chairs, enough to line the expanse to the far side as well. None sit along the strip under the stairs. At first I can't understand why, until I see people coming and going through two doors. I look around the stairs to see signs over each door, indicating they're rest rooms. _Good to know, as you don't know how long we're gonna be here._

  
I can't see what's on the far side. Not for lack of trying. It's just hard to see the other side because the center is filled with people dancing to some upbeat song I don't recognize. The dance floor is as big as the parking lot. It's almost too much. So many bodies. Too many strangers. Sounds I can't identify.

  
I'm going into a panic attack. My hands are starting to shake. _Why did you agree to this? You're not ready for this much. You need to get out. You-_ Ella touches my arm as she leans in to talk.

  
"It's alot, I know. I was the same way when I first came."

  
My panic eases back. It's still heavy, but Ella's presence makes me feel better about being here. I give her a weak smile and nod. Words seem like too much effort.

  
Taking my hand again, Ella leads me up the stairs to the next landing. I'm not a fan of heights of any kind, so I just keep my eyes on her ass as we head up. _I can't believe her dress hasn't gone higher._ At the top I look around, while trying not to look down at the dance floor.

  
Up here the center is open to see down to the crowd below. Thankfully the floor is solid. There are more restrooms above the ones on the first floor. Ella pushes her way through the crowds that stand talking to people sitting at tables up here or lean against the rail looking down. We travel all the way to the other end and along the back wall that is filled with more tables. _How much sitting room is needed around here?_ When we get to the side where the bar is below we encounter another bar up here. It doesn't run as far across and there are no stools. That doesn't stop anyone from leaning on it as they drink and chat, though.

  
Ignoring everyone, Ella keeps her hold on me as we weave through. I have no idea where she's dragging me. I'm about to ask when I see another set of steps heading up. _Please don't let that be where she is leading me._ Of course it is, as she looks over her shoulder and points up. Smiling big and bright eyed. I don't have the energy to fight as I let her keep pulling me.

  
There is a man in a security shirt leaning against the wall at the bottom of the stairs. He's not as tall as Tiny. Nor as bald, with a peach fuzz that only covers the lower half of his head. He is more ripped. Still his presence is intimidating, even not standing upright. A rope is strung from the wall to the end of a hand rail that runs along the stairs. A guy is coming down as we approach and the security man reaches over and unlatches the rope before the guy makes it to the last step. When the guy clears the rope, security man moves to re-hook it across the path. He stops mid-motion when he see's Ella. A smile that was absent, breaks across his face.

  
"La la!" He calls out.

  
"Big Joe!" Ella finally lets me go as she wraps her arms around Big Joe's neck and plants a kiss on his cheek.

  
Big Joe wraps one arm around Ella in a half hug as his other hand still has the rope in it. When Ella steps back there is a red outline of her lips on his cheek that's becoming invisible as a blush washes over his entire head.

  
I chuckle at the sight. Big Joe's head shoots up and his blush fades as he stands at attention. The lipstick showing more vividly.

  
"At ease, Big Joe. She's with me." Ella's words seem to make him relax a bit as he looks back to her, his expression softening. _He's more than a little fond of her. I wonder if she knows. I'll find out as soon as I can._ "In fact-" _Oh no. Not again._ "this is my illusive sister." Ella has a smug look as she reaches for me. I give in and step up to greet another unknown fan.

  
Where Tiny's reaction to me was calm and Jazz's was a bit over the top, Big Joe seems to fall in the middle. His face lights up as it did when he first spotted Ella and he extends his hand.

  
"It is an honor to finally meet you." His voice is gravely, but otherwise just as deep as Tiny's.

  
At a loss at to what else I should do, I take Big Joe's hand and shake it. "The honor is mine, as I am sure you have been doing well to make sure my dear sister stays safe." I may have gone over the top with the formal speech as a fresh blush spreads across his head. It just seemed right to say at the moment. _Well, you are a goddess. And paying your adoring subjects in kindness for their good deeds is expected._

 

I have no clue where that thought came from. I've never thought of myself as a goddess. _Not until . . . ._

  
I see Ella raising an eyebrow at my comment. She has the grace to not question it. Instead getting Big Joe's attention again.

  
"We're going up. Gonna show her the royal treatment."

  
"Oh, of course." He starts as he sees he still has the rope in his hand. Looking embarrassed, he pulls the rope back to let us pass, making sure to clip it back once I'm clear.  
I concentrate on my breathing as we head up the latest steps. The music is much more quiet on this level. I look up and around to see if there is another level waiting for us. No stairs. No more openings up. This seems to be the last level. _Thank the stars._ Now that I have that established, I check out my surroundings.

  
_This level is fuckin' awesome._ Shock is clear on my face as I gape at everything. Everything else was over-whelming in its mass. Here, it's because of the extreme comfort it invites.

  
It is just as open as the second floor but the rails are more solid and padded. Carpeting covers the whole floor. _Explains why the sound is more muffled._ There are round tables up here as well, but they sit lower then the ones below and the chairs have arm rests. The bar up here is much smaller than the others and only has one bartender at it, who is currently mixing some drink for someone. There's not even as many people up here so navigating around is easier. It's a good thing too, as a waitress carrying a large try of empty glasses heads over to the bar.

  
Ella doesn't bother taking my hand again as she walks towards the other end. She is greeted by almost everyone as she passes. Even the men who don't seem to know her call out while the women with them send her dirty looks that she ignores. I follow her to an area that looks like all those movie V.I.P. lounges. Big couches that can fit six or more, depending on how many laps are being shared, with low tables in front. Most of them are taken up by men with more women then they deserve hanging off them. Ella finds an empty one in the corner and claims it. She takes position in the very center and I sit next to her.

  
I open my mouth and have to close it quickly as the waitress that passed us earlier walks up.

  
"Is there anything I can get for you ladies?" It looks like she doesn't know Ella by the too professional look she's giving.

  
"I'll have a hurricane, and she'll have a double vodka and cranberry. No ice. We'll also need two shots. One gin. The other vodka." Ella orders our drinks without hesitation. _She's used to doing this kind of stuff. Besides, when don't you go for vodka?_ I couldn't argue with myself, so I turned my attention back to Ella as the waitress leaves to get our drinks.  
Ella reaches into her purse and pulls out a compact and her lipstick. As she reapplies what little rubbed off I decide to use this time to grill her.

  
"How did you even find this place?" I ask, waving my hand around to encompass the entirety of the club.

  
"A boy toy brought me up here," she says so matter of fact, like I should of known. To be honest, I'm not sure if I would have believed anything less. Her casual use of 'boy toy' makes it worse.

  
Ella seems to have three types of men in her life. Those she wants to fuck, those that want to fuck her and those that she see's as harmless old men that flirt with all the women. Those she wants to fuck she meets up with and gives a round or two before deciding if they are worth the effort. Those that want to fuck her she uses for whatever else they can be good for. That is until they get too pushy and piss her off. None of them leave first. The last type is a bit more complicated. Any man that doesn't fit into those three categories don't exist to her.

  
Thinking of complicated brings Big Joe to mind. "Um, La la?" Calling her that feels unnatural, "How close are you to Big Joe?"

  
She's about to answer when our waitress comes back with our drinks. Once they are set down and she leaves again Ella picks up the one shot glass and gestures for me to grab the other. We clink our cups and tip back. A smooth burn follows the liquid down that makes a warmth spread through me. Ella has to take a drink of her hurricane to kill the burn. She was never a fan of shots, but she does them with me every time.

  
With that out the way she turns back to my question. "Big Joe is a sweet heart. But I have no interest in him. I know that's what you're wonderin'. Before you can say anything else, I am aware that he seems to have a crush on me. I just think of him as a too fond uncle that knows he can't have me"

  
_What a way to put it, El_. "He does seem nice. I'd hate to have to kick your ass cuz you let him think he has more of a chance than he does." I say this so offhandedly that Ella breaks out laughing.

  
It wasn't my intent, but it keeps the mood light. Her laughter is dying down when a different waitress walks over.

  
"Yo, La la. Do you have some guy meeting you here? Says his name is Jared." She obviously knows Ella.

  
"Oh shit, I forgot to let Big Joe know on our way up."

  
"You forget more times than you remember. I told you the next time you 'forget'-" she uses her hands to make air quotes around forget, "-then you have to go get 'em yourself."

  
I have to work hard to hold in my laughs as Ella rolls her eyes, but gets up to collect her other guest.

  
The waitress watches as Ella heads to the stairs. When she's out of hearing range the waitress turns back to me and sticks out her hand. "Hi, my name is Kiino-Tasha. You can just call me Kiino or Tasha. Not Kiino-Tasha though. You are?"

  
She spoke so fast, it takes my brain a second to catch up. "Hi. I'm Riena. I don't know of another way to say that. . . ." I take her hand and she gives three quick shakes and lets me go.

  
Kiino looks over her shoulder and shrugs before plopping down next to me. She tucks her feet up sideways as she faces me. Her gaze follows me as I reach for my drink. Suddenly I am very thirsty and take a big swallow as I try to think of something to say. She saves me the trouble.

  
"How long have you known La la?"

  
I place my drink back on the table. "I've known her for years. We used to work together."

  
"Hmmm." She seems to be pondering something. "You're the one she says is her twin, right?"

  
"Yes." I grab my vodka again. _Why do I feel like I'm being interrogated?_ I take another large drink.

  
She just nods this time.

  
_Ella, what is taking so long?_

  
Since Ella seems to be taking her time I take better stock of the woman sitting next to me.

  
She doesn't look much taller than me. About the same age as Ella? Her skin is alabaster white. Light brown hair pulled back into a tight ponytail. Like me, she's carrying a few extra pounds, but her uniform doesn't hide an inch of it. She has a narrow nose that is a little too long for her oval face. Her rosie lips are thinner than mine, but still stand out. I envy her high cheek bones that are so smooth as they ease away from her rounder eyes. I can't quit make out the color of her eyes in the odd lighting. _Hazel? A light green or blue, maybe?_ She has to be a least a c-cup. Her angle makes it hard to tell the rest of her shape.

  
The silence between us grows as we wait for Ella to return. It's not uncomfortable, but nor is it completely comfortable. Like a stand off that is waiting for a trigger.

  
Whatever that trigger, I was spared from finding out as right then Ella approaches our table. Alone. She says nothing as she steps around the table to take back her seat. I see I am mistaken when a man, whom I thought was just walking in her same direction, takes the space on the other side of her.

  
"Kiino, Riena, this is Jared."

  
I keep my face as impassive as I can while I wave to Jared around Ella.

  
"Hey, ladies." He doesn't bother making eye contact. Instead staring at my chest as if Ella wasn't sitting next to him. _I don't think I'm gonna like this one._

  
If I open my mouth to say anything, it will be outright rude. Ella has many ways of finding guys. I'm not even sure what she see's in most of them. They all have a few things in common though. They are tall, in decent shape, have a full head of hair and are no darker than a bronzed tan. Jared only fit one of those qualifications.

  
Jared's sandy hair is so thin I can see his scalp. Even if Ella had not been wearing her hooker heels, this man would still be shorter than her. That makes him less than five feet tall as we are both five three. From what I can see of his frame, under a badly tailored suite coat, he does not work out. Being white with a ruddy complexion does nothing to make him look better. In fact, it only adds to the lack of appeal. He is trying to sport a mustache over his really thin lips and under a too large nose. I can only tell he has a mustache because his overly large front teeth are half covered by it.

  
_Oh my stars! He looks like the dad from 'The Wild Thornberrys'._ To cover my shock at this revelation I look over at Kiino who has been quiet this whole time. We exchange a look and both smile at how fugly Jared is. _I think I'm gonna get along with her._

  
Ella doesn't see our shared look as she grabs her drink and downs half of it. I know her well enough to know that she is not happy about something. What, I don't know yet. But I will find out soon enough. I take another sip from my half finished drink and face Kiino again. I indicate taking Ella to the rest room with my eyes. She nods slightly in understanding.

  
"Hey, La la, I need to use the rest room. Do you need to go?" I put as much hint as I can behind it without being too obvious. Not that I really cared if Mr. Thornberrys caught on. I just didn't want to upset Ella by being too forward in front of others.

  
"Yeah, sure. I need to refresh my make-up anyway." She jumps at the excuse like I knew she would.

  
I get up and move past Kiino. _How does she keep her legs tucked for so long?_ And wait as Ella gets back up, moving down my way instead of passing her date.  
"What is it with women and traveling in packs?" Mr. Thornberries drawls out. His voice is just as nasally as I had expected.

  
"What is it with men with little dicks buying big toys?" My tone comes off a bit sharper than I intended, but I get a few chuckles from the girls. I was just throwing out an over-compensating crack, but I must of hit close to home as he scowls, making his face look even fuglier. _I didn't think that was possible._

  
Ella clears the table and starts leading the way to the rest rooms. I give him a smug look as I turn to follow and catch him reaching for Ella's drink. I don't have to say a thing as Kiino beats him to it and takes a sip, as if daring him to say something.

  
We walk in silence. Ella only waves and smiles halfheartedly at everyone that greets her along the way. There are two more rest rooms on this floor as well. _At least we don't have to run up and down stairs just to pee._ The door swings in and swings back closed after we clear it.

  
I do have to pee now that we are in here, so I head to one of the four stalls. By some stroke of luck we are the only two in here. Ella leans her butt against one of the sinks that line one side and crosses her arms across her chest.

  
I just started going when I hear Ella's exasperated sigh.

  
"I admit he isn't the most attractive of the men I go out with," she says in a defeated tone.

  
"I can overlook how fugly he is, if he had a personality to make up for it," I call out.

  
"To be fair, he was a much smoother talker over the phone. His texts have more class, too."

  
"Did you even see him checking out my tits?" I ask as I wipe.

  
"What!? No. Oh, I'm so gonna kick his ass."

  
"What the hell even made you think it was a good idea to give him a chance anyway?" I say softly as I exit the stall. "I mean, he isn't even your normal type."

  
Ella's shoulders hunch a bit at that. "I know. . . . Girlie I know. I am just getting so sick of all the other losers and figured I'd try something different."

  
"There is different and then there's lowering your standards." I wash my hands in a sink next to her. "That is lower standards. I should know"

  
"Yeah. . . . You're right, like always. I don't know. I guess I just wasn't thinking." She looks so dejected I want to wrap my arms around her and comfort her. _But we both know that won't fix this mess. Funny how our roles have shifted since we first met. . ._

 

 


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Broken and self destructive.

**_Ella sits at the lone little table in my kitchen. Kitchen?_ ** _Ha. That is just where the tile stops at the carpet line._ **_A sad truth really. My apartment is small. Even for a studio. I've lived in trailers with more space. But, it is all I can afford. It had it's charms when I was shown around by the landlord six months ago. Now I'm second guessing my hasty move._ **

 

**_The front door leads right into the kitchen area. A worn down counter with a single sink take up the rest of the space on that wall. A small oven meets it in the corner. I have to make sure the lower cupboard doors are closed in order to open or close the oven door. Next to the oven is a fridge that has to be the smallest large fridge ever. The thing is as tall as me. Single door with an ice box up top that freezes over so bad I can't use it. Not worth the defrost time either. It just ices up again in a week._ ** **_Where the fridge ends is where the tile ends. Moving into balding shag carpet that has so many stains it's not worth the money I spent renting a carpet cleaner. I only have room for my computer desk, it's swivel chair, and a small love seat in the 'living room'. Anything more than that and I won't be able to get into my bedroom._ **

  
**_There are two doors on either side of the carpet/tile split. One leads to my room and the one on the tile side leads to a bathroom that houses a compact shower, a sink that can literally only hold two cups of water (I tested that out), and a toilet that would be more fitting in a middle school._ ** **_The only windows are the ones behind my computer desk and the one in my room. They face out to the street in front of the bar I live over. I thought it wouldn't be so bad as I work second shift and would be gone for most of the bar hours and could fall asleep when it closes. I forgot that most men are pigs and think that a woman near a bar just wants to get laid._ **

  
**_The small round table Ella is sitting at has two miss matched chairs around it. She took the more comfortable one when she entered. I was sitting in the other until our conversation got heated._ **

  
**_I look at her from my new position by the desk._ **

  
**_She cocks a brow at me in expectation of an answer. I look away in shame._ **

  
**_"He wasn't like this when we first started dating." My voice is pleading with her to understand._ ** _She won't though._

  
**_"And that was then. Now he's an ass that treats you like dirt." Her voice has risen, but she's not yelling._ ** _Yet._

  
**_"He doesn't treat me like dirt,-" I hold up my hands in a halting gesture as she opens her mouth to cut me off, "He just doesn't spend as much time with me as he used to."_ **

  
**_"Oh, and what is his excuse for that?"_ **

  
**_"He's been too tired after work to come over. He doesn't want to fall asleep on me." The excuse sounds lame, even to me._ **

  
**_Ella scoffs. "Oh please, Girlie. That is lame. At least if he crashed here he could wake up and spend some time with you before work. Maybe get in a round of sex. When was the last time you two even fucked?"_ **

  
**_I blush at the abrupt question. It's not like we haven't talked about our sex lives, or in great detail. It has just been so long since my boyfriend paid that kind of visit. I am trying to stick up for him, but Ella's words are hitting home hard._ **

  
**_"Exactly!" She slams her hand down on the table in triumph. I flinch in fear the table will break if she hits it too hard._ ** _Then it can be as broken as you._

  
**_I think hard for some other defense I can use. "He did come over and spend some time with me last week." I manage to make it sound like a bigger deal than it was._ **  
**_Ella sees right through me. "Did you spend the time in your apartment?" She looks at me as if daring me to lie._ **

  
**_". . . No. We spent it at the bar. We had a few drinks, played pool, and listened to the music."_ ** _You are glossing over it too much._

  
**_"Yeah right. You sat at the bar by yourself sipping soda, feeding the jukebox, as he drank and played pool after sending you away so he could play against someone better."_ **

  
**_I turn away from her, hugging myself. She didn't have to be there to know just how it went down. She was there enough other nights. I feel a sting behind my eyes as tears start to form. I lift my face to the dingy ceiling, trying to keep the water works from starting. I don't even realize I'm shaking until Ella wraps her arms around me from behind. Her body solid as the quaking takes over._ **

  
**_"The signs are all here, sweetheart." Her voice is low next to my head. "You just have to except the truth of it. He doesn't even want to live with you." My body shakes harder as I remember the arguments had over that fact._ **

  
**_The tears can no longer be held back as they run down my face in waves. Ella just holds me tighter as I quietly sob. I don't know how long we stand like that. Ella murmuring softly into my hair as she holds me. Crying soflty herself. She has always been a sympathetic crier._ **

  
**_My shaking slows and Ella lets me go to direct me into the swivel chair. My legs give out as it brushes behind them. I land in it hard, but hardly notice._ **

  
**_My nose is running and dripping on everything beneath it. I just stare at my lap blankly. Ella walks away and returns with a washrag and a box of tissue. The box she sets on the desk as she takes the rag and washes the snot off my face and anywhere else she sees it landed._ ** _She'll make a good mother._ **_After getting the bulk of it up, she grabs a few tissues from the box and presses them into my hand._ **

  
**_"Blow your nose, Girlie." I do as I'm told. When they start to fall apart I grab more from the box and blow again until I can breath evenly._ **

  
**_I take a deep breath to steady myself and get up from the chair. I grab the rag and go to the kitchen sink. I throw it on the counter and pull out another one. After wetting the clean rag I wash my face and blow my nose into it then toss it next to the first one. Ella has returned to her seat at the table and takes a drink from her coffee that has surely gone cold by now._ **

  
**_"You're right, El. I need to break up with him. And I will tonight. He has not been the man I fell in love with for some time. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't respect me. He doesn't deserve me."_ **

  
**_Ella nods her head in solemn agreement as a single tear runs down her face._ **

 

**_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_**

 

**_"Oh, hey Ella! What are you doing here?" My warm greeting is not received as I had hoped as Ella grabs my arm and yanks me off the stool and drags me all the way out the bar._ **

  
**_"Enough of this shit already, Girlie. You've sowed some oats, but it's time to get your shit together." The anger in her voice is as hard as the look in her eyes._ **

  
**_The slight buzz I was enjoying fades as confusion takes over. "What are you talking about. It's cold out here. Lets go in. Have a drink with me-" I turn to head back into the bar when she grabs me again._ **

  
**_"NO! Take a fuckin' look at yourself."_ **

  
**_I stop trying to pull my arm free and look down at my clothes. I'm wearing a black mini skirt and halter top. Over the knee socks are my only attempt at warm clothing under thigh high boots. I wasn't too worried about warmth as I knew I'd be in the bar just below my apartment and wouldn't be in the chill for long. I look at what Ella is wearing in comparison._ **

  
**_She is in a pair of jeans and t-shirt with sneakers._ **

  
**_"Oh, don't worry if you feel under dressed. I'm just breakin' in my new shoes. Do you like them?" I strike a pose to show them off for her. What she looks like doesn't seem to be the issue as she huffs in frustration._ **

  
**_"Look at the creep you were flirting with!" She spins me to face back into the bar, but holds both my arms so I can't go back in. We are getting a few stares from the patrons, but they leave us to it. I look back to where I was sitting and check out the guy I was, indeed, flirting with._ **

  
**_He had to be at least ten years older than me. Gray and brown hair tied back in a low pony. He is wearing weather worn jeans that are starting to fray at all the seams. His shirt strains over his belly as it tries to meet his pants that end under the mass. He turns and sees me in the doorway. A broad smile, revealing several gaps between yellowing teeth. He waves at me. I start to wave back when Ella turns me to face her. Pulling me farther from the door as more people head in._ **

  
**_"What the hell is wrong with you? What in the world would possess you to flirt with that. . . " her hand swings wildly as she tries to indicate the man in the bar._ **

  
**_"You don't know him. Looks aren't everything, you know." I get defensive and cross my arms under my chest._ **

  
**_"Oh, and you do? How long have you known him for, miss personality?"_ **

  
**_I don't answer as I look away._ **

  
**_"Ha! That's what I thought! You were ten seconds away from taking him upstairs with you."_ **

  
**_I don't even try to deny it. I keep looking everywhere that wasn't at the angry friend in front of me._ **

  
**_"Girlie. . ." Her voice is softer now. "You can't sleep with a different man every night of the week. And you sure as hell shouldn't be sleeping with men you just met in a bar. We're not even gonna talk about bringing them back to your place."_ **

  
**_"How did you even find out about all this?" I find my voice enough to ask._ **

  
**_"The woman across the hall. I came to see you one morning and she caught me outside your door. She told me everything that has been going on. She is worried about you." Ella says the last as I cast dirty looks towards the apartments. "I gave her my number and told her to call me next time you head out for another wild night."_ **

  
**_I sigh in defeat. Ella is a kind soul and is just trying to look out for me. "Can I at least go in and say good-night to the guy? I don't want him to think I'm just blowing him off."_ **

  
**_Ella nods and follows me back in as I let the man know that I will not be keeping him company tonight. He takes it gracefully and Ella pulls me back out, keeping me from finding an excuse to stay. We go around the side to a door that leads to the upper level. Once we are in my apartment Ella makes me sit at the table then takes the seat across from me._ **

  
**_"You want to tell me what is going on?" She looks me hard in the eyes. I can't take it and look away. "I know you're heart broken, but this is not the way to get over your ex."_ **

  
**_I don't say anything as I run my finger over the wood-grains._ **

  
**_"You don't want to talk, fine. I'll do the talkin' And you can listen."_ **

  
**_I can't even muster the guts to make a smart ass remark._ **

  
**_"It has been almost a year since you two broke up. I sat with you as you cried over him. I listened to you prattle about how he used to be such a nice guy. I even talked with you for hours so you couldn't call him."_ **

  
**_I shrink in on myself as she rants. Everything she says is true. I was a mess for months after the break up._ **

  
**_She continues her rant, ignoring the tears that start running down my face. "I had to drag you out of here just to do something else besides sulk. Ok, I may have been the one who pushed you at that first guy, but I knew you knew him and that you liked him alot. I wasn't expecting him to be your next boyfriend. . . . Just someone to fuck to get you past the jerk. But you have gone beyond that now and it's time to snap out of it."_ **

  
**_Ella takes a deep breath and lets out a heavy sigh. Her rant is over. A loud silence fills the space between us. The only sounds come from the bar below and the humming of the fridge. I pull myself up straight and look Ella in the eyes._ **

  
**_"I fucked up." I admit. "I wanted to get over him so bad that I started doing stupid things to try and push him out of my head. I drank to cloud my judgment and hit on any guy that looked at me. I brought them up here and fucked them until I got too tired. I felt so numb for so long that I wanted to just feel. They made me feel something for a while. Even if it was just shame- I felt." I sigh. "You are right though. I need to get my shit together and stop being so self destructive."_ **

  
**_Ella's eyes crinkle as her scowl turns to a frown. There is pity in her eyes. I don't want to see pity. Her hand reaches for mine over the table, but I draw away._ ** _I need to get some plans in order. But Ella has to leave. She won't understand what I'm doing or why._ **_Ella looks a little hurt that I won't let her touch me. I'm ok with that. I may be feeling a bit petty in wanting her to feel some of the same pain in my soul._ **

  
**_"I'm going to bed. I won't go back to the bar. I promise," I give her before she can question me. "You can go home. I'll call you in the morning." My dismissal of her gets me another worried look. She lets it go and gets up from the table._ **

  
**_"You better call me, Girlie. If you don't then I'm coming back and kicking your ass." With that threat she leans down and gives me a hug. I sit still until she lets go. I watch as she leaves and then get up to make sure the door is locked._ ** _I will go to bed soon. First, I have to set some things in motion. . . ._

 

 


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laughter and Conflict

_That felt like a lifetime ago even though it was only a few years. Now I'm standing in a club restroom trying to get Ella's head right. I still need to find out what made her take this spiral._

  
"Care to tell me what has made you sink to the low of _that_?" I ask when she doesn't seem to want to open up freely.

  
She sighs and opens her mouth, but snaps it closed, when a group of women enter. _So much for being alone_.

  
"We'll talk about it later, ok? Let's just find the best way to get rid of Mr. Thornberrys and enjoy the rest of our evening."

  
"Wait! What did you just call him?" Ella's eyes are bright again. _I like seeing the light in her eyes. It helps keep me grounded_.

  
"Ummmmmm. . . ." I forgot that I hadn't told her that's what I think Jared looks like.

  
"Who is _Mr. Thornberrys_?"

  
One of the women in the stalls calls out, "Isn't he a cartoon character from back in the 90's? The one who's kid could talk to animals?"

  
"Um, yeah? How did you know who I was talking about?"

  
"I seen this guy and he looked so familiar. I couldn't think of how until you said that name. What was the show called again?"

  
"The Wild Thornberrys." I offer as Ella and I exchange a look. It isn't every day we talk to strangers in a restroom.

  
We hear some clicking from the woman's stall before she yells out in triumph, "Ah ha! Here, take a look at this." She holds her phone out from under the door and I take it from her.

  
On the screen is a close up shot of Mr. Thornberrys with a huge grin on his face. I start laughing as I hand the phone to Ella.

  
"Oh my god! He does look like this!" And she breaks out laughing too. Our laughing draws the attention of the other women who entered and they came over to see what has us in fits.

  
"Daaaamn! That looks like that guy in the corner. Doesn't it?" One woman says as she takes the phone and shows it to another woman standing next to her. The phone gets passed around as we all point out the similarities. By now the woman who owns the phone is out and has washed her hands. She stands laughing with us.

  
By some unspoken agreement we all leave the restroom together, still laughing. We can't seem to stop as we head back to our tables as one large group. Only quieting some as we near the table that houses the source of our laughter. All the other women give Jared wide-eyed stares as they travel away, whispering to each-other as they go.

  
Kiino gives us a look as we reclaim our seat. "You found something funny. Care to share with the rest?"

  
"Yes, please do as you were gone for a long time and I was getting bored." This from Jared.

  
Ella and I look over at him then back at each other. We proceed to break out in more laughs. By way of answer, Ella pulls out her phone and finds the picture again. I hand it to Kiino first. _Chicks before dicks_.

  
She looks at the phone, looks up at Jared, and back down to the phone. Busting out laughing, she exclaims, "Oh my fucking god! This is soooo fuckin' accurate. You look just like him." She hands the phone to Jared as another wave of laughter escapes Ella and me.

  
He looks at the phone briefly before throwing it on the table, obviously pissed. "Fuck you. I don't look like him." He has become even more nasally as his temper rises.  
"Oh, come on," I say when I have enough breath. "Everyone has a doppelganger. Your's just happens to be a cartoon."

  
More hysterics cover the table.

  
Kiino stops laughing abruptly. "You could learn something from him. He has some class and doesn't check out women's asses as they pass."

  
The blush that follows her remark is instant. Jared stands up in a huff, hands clenched in fists. The laughter dies down at this, but all three of us still wear big smiles on our faces. Go on, swing fucker. I dare you. I can see our little show is catching the attention of everyone around us, including Big Joe, who has come up for some reason.

  
"If women don't want to be checked out then they shouldn't wear clothes that make them look like sluts."

  
I don't even get a chance to stand up before Kiino is on her feet. "You are here on a date, you shit-bag. You could at least have a little respect for the woman you came here to see."

  
"You're just pissed cuz you're too fat get to checked out."

  
This time I'm on my feet faster than Kiino can react. Ella is only a bit slower. There is just enough room for me to step around her before she finishes getting up.

  
"Listen here, PIG, this date is over. Get your ass out of here and crawl back to the hole you wormed out of."

  
He looks at me as if I spat in his face. _I may just do so_. Then looks past me to Ella. I don't glance back, not wanting to let him out of my sight in case he tries to pull something.

Whatever he see over my shoulder does nothing to make him happy. Good. The fugliest look crosses his face as he steps away from the table and the three of us.

  
Not seeming to want to leave without getting the last word in, he pauses. "Women like you are just a bunch of cunts that think you're better than everyone, when really all you're good for is laying on your backs."

  
I start to lung for the prick, but Ella grabs my arms to hold me back. As I'm trying to break free I hear Kiino call out in the sweetest voice.

  
"Big Joe, would you be so kind as to escort this, man, out of here. He is no longer welcome on our property."

  
That is when I see Big Joe right behind Jared. _The shit bag had my attention so well I didn't even see the big man walk up_. Kiino has stepped out into the walkway and has her hands clasped in front of her in the most professional pose I've seen. There is a soft smile and dark look on her face. Glad I'm not on the receiving end of that. Big Joe nods his head and reaches for Jared.

  
Jared hasn't bothered looking behind him as he tries to get out one last remark. "Bitch, you can't-" His words get caught in his throat as his arm is taken and he looks to finally see Big Joe.

  
Kiino quietly steps up to Jared so that he has to look up to her. "I can. I can do anything I want. And do you know why?" She doesn't wait for an answer. "Because this is _my_ club. I get to say who is welcome and who isn't. You are not welcome here ever again, _little man_. If you think that you can come back when I am not here then think again. If you so much as break a single law while on my property I will press every charge I can against you. Rest assured that I can." She says this all with a sweet smile on her face.

  
Kiino turns her gaze back to Big Joe and nods her head once. Jared doesn't even fight as he's lead away. _More afraid of Kiino now_. She stays standing until they are by the stairs then reclaims her seat.

  
I look around one last time before sitting down myself. The entire level had quieted as the drama took place. Now, the chatter is slowly picking back up. Ella took my seat so I take hers. I'm getting comfortable when the man I'd seen surrounded by several women stands up and starts clapping his hands for attention. One of the waitresses hands him something that he holds up to his mouth.

  
"Evening everyone!" The microphone carrying his voice throughout the club. He pauses as all eyes are turned on him. He walks over to the rail and waves at a someone below.

  
The music that had been drifting up is cut off. I look at Kiino, and see she's smiling wide. _This mustn't be something new_. I turn my attention back to the man as he starts talking again.

  
"Men can be pigs," another pause as laughter and cat calls ring out, "but not all pigs are assholes. There is a level of respect that men need to have for women. One pig failed to realize this tonight. Now, I take it upon myself to make up for his lack of civility. . . ." He pauses and takes a deep breath. Everyone is quietly waiting. "SO FOR ALL THE LADIES HERE, A FREE ROUND ON ME!!!"

  
The yelling and cheers that fill the club are almost deafening. Ella has her hands over her ears and Kiino is shaking her head and chuckling. I catch her eye and mouth 'What the hell is going on?' She hold up her finger for me to wait. It takes another minute for the sound level to return to normal. There are three waitresses running around taking orders from all the women on our level. _If it's this bad up here I can only imagine what it's like on the other floors._ The man with the microphone walks over to our table.

  
"You are going to be paying out the ass for this." Kiino says as she takes the mic from him. He just shrugs and looks away, pausing when his eyes land on me.

  
"Mmmm. We have not been formally introduced, Dark Flower. You may call me Moneybags. Your name is?" Moneybags is slightly bowed as he holds his hand out to me over the table.

  
"You may call me Riena," I say as I place my hand in his. I'm a little shocked as he doesn't shake it, but pulls it up to his lips and gives me a kiss on the knuckles, his eyes locked with mine the whole time.

  
"It is a pleasure to meet you. If you ever tire of your current company, feel free to join me." His smile is catching and the glint in his eyes promise mischief. Ella grabs my arm. Pulling hand and attention free from Moneybags.

  
"Uh uh! She's mine and you can't have her." I blush at Ella's declaration, but lean into her grip.

  
"Maybe another night, Moneybags. Tonight is for the girls now that the trash is gone." My gentle decline is taken with grace as he bows his head and heads back to his own table.

  
I have a thousand questions whirling through my head, but once again, I can't ask a single one as the waitress from earlier is back. She looks a little frazzled, but her soft smile is still firmly in place.

  
"Is there anything I can get you?"

  
Kiino pushes Ella's almost empty glass and my half finished one towards her. "Can you refresh these? And get me a glass of that sweet wine I like, please."

  
The waitress nods as she takes our glasses, setting them on a tray she had tucked against her hip. After she walks away I turn on both the women sitting with me.

  
"Will someone explain what the hell just happened here?" _What a way to sum it up_.

  
"What part?" Kiino asks.

  
"Yeah, you're gonna have to be clearer." Ella pipes in.

  
I scowl at them both. They want to play that game, huh. I got this. "Fine. Lets start with Moneybags. What is his deal and why is he buying drinks for all the women? Plus what was with the mic and everyone just accepting his grand speech?"

  
"How do you think he got the name moneybags?" This from Ella.

  
"He throws money around here like singles at a strip club." Kiino adds.

  
"He is a horrible flirt with all the women. And uses any excuse to show off how rich he is."

  
"It's mostly because of him that I can afford all the security that I have. Not just cuz he spends so much money here, either. The bouncers are all employed through his company. He gets a discount here for supplying the muscle and his company gets publicity. I, in turn, get bouncers that I don't have to pay for and more clientel that he draws in every time he brags about my club."

  
"Ok, ok. But how does that explain the little show he put on?"

  
"Ha! He's a showman too." Ella throws her head back in laughter.

  
Kiino winces at some memory "He started doing that with the live bands. Cutting in on numbers when he was drunk and just making a scene. I ripped him a new ass when one of the bands threatened to walk out and demanded their money back. I didn't have to give the money back because of our contract, but I didn't want deal with that shit again. As a concession, we agreed that his ass has to stay up here while he's drinking. And no more stage jumping. He can have a mic and interrupt DJ's, but not the bands. We hide the mic when we have a live bands, just in case."

  
We all share in the laughter this time. _The prices we pay to keep what we have_. I'm the first to quiet down as my mind drifts back to days that I'd rather forget.

 


	8. Chapter Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Comforts and their price

  
_**Shivers run through me as the machin**_ ** _e_** _ **pumps the blood back into my arm, minus the plasma.** I can't believe I'm doing this again. **The unwelcome cold from the filtered blood makes me shiver again. Followed by a strong wave to pee.** Every time. Always when I'm halfway through. At least this time I remembered to wear a pad. **I think of the irony that guys have an easier time holding it in then women. They can at least grab the head of their dicks. At least that's what my ex told me.**_

  
_**I keep wishing there was another way to earn extra money, besides selling plasma. I have donated blood and have minimal issue with that. It's not the sight of blood that bothers me. Hell, I can deal with the slight fatigue. I don't care too much when they put the blood back in because of the cold that comes with it. What I really hate about either task is the long ass needle that they have to stick in my arm.** But you don't have a problem with getting tattoos._

  
_**I almost bend my arm as another wave shakes me. I look over at the canister that is filling with my plasma, very pointedly ignoring the line that is running from my arm into the machine. The canister is almost full. I look away before I get tempted to look at my arm.** At least the nurse was able to get the needle in right. Unlike last time. . . ._

  
_**Thinking of nurses seems to make them appear as the one who hooked me up comes to check on things, touches a few buttons on the machine and writes some things on a chart he's carrying.** _

  
_**Turning to me he asks, "So how you feeling?" He looks almost bored as he tries to smile.** How come people don't know how to fake real smiles anymore? It's not like being fake is uncommon. _

  
_**I smile a more genuine smile as I reply, "Feeling like my bladder is gonna explode, but doing good."** _

  
_**"Well, you're almost done. Just hold it a little longer. Ok?" He pats my knee as if that will help me hold it. I just nod at the stupidity of his statement. It's like they think I'm going to unhook myself and go to the restroom. I'd much rather make a mess on their bed, but then I'd have to go home in wet clothes. Not worth it.** _

  
_**He asks me a few other questions about my health that are so standard for everyone here that his tone is flat while he recites them. I give my answers without really thinking if they are true or not, just that they make me sound fine. Saying that I feel uneasy every time I drag myself here gets me odd looks and fake sympathy. They don't care about honesty. Only that I don't have to be hospitalized after each visit. The machine's beeps cuts him off.** _

  
_**"Ahh, looks like you're all done."** No shit, dumb-ass. Like I've never done this. **"Give me a minute and we'll get you unhooked."**_

  
_**I can't understand why they say give them a minute. I've timed them more than once. It never takes them only a minute. It takes them five to just get the container of plasma out of the machine, get it labeled and take it to where ever it is they store it. It takes them another two minutes to come back to start the process of getting the needle out of my arm. I took it out by myself once. I got yelled at and told if I do that again then I will be banned from here.** They shouldn't of taken so long._

  
_**Still, I agreed, and now I lay in an awkward position waiting for the nurse to come back as I hold in my pee and shiver.** The shit I do for money. **He doesn't take as long as most of the women. I'm sure they stand and chat for a while, barely remembering they have someone waiting on them.**_

  
_**I mildly pay attention to him as he runs the usual speel about how I should feel and what to do when I get home. I nod as if I haven't heard it all. I used to tell them that I know how this works and have been here plenty of times, but faces around here change so often, they treat me like I'm the new comer.** _

  
_**Once I'm cleared to leave I grab my backpack from under the bed and walk around to the counter where they reload the prepaid card they issue. The lady back there doesn't bother glancing up when she asks for my name. I give it and she quickly tells me I'm good to go, not once looking at me. I roll my eyes as I head out to the waiting room and b-line it for the restroom.** _

  
_**The relief of an empty bladder is wonderful. I head outside into the warm summer air. It's even more welcoming as another shiver takes hold of my body. I stop to pull a jacket out of my backpack I brought with, knowing I'd be this cold afterwards. I go to the bike rack and unchain a pink Mongoose. Not my favorite color, but the bike was free. I had added baskets to the front and back for when I have to go shopping, but otherwise left it in the same condition I got it in. As I mount the bike I pull out my cell phone to check the time. I have ten minutes to get to the bus stop or I'll have to ride my bike all the way across town.** _

  
_**I kick off and peddle my ass off, making it to the stop right as the bus does. The bike goes on the front rack and I flash the driver my bus pass before heading to the back. Pulling out my mp3 player and earbuds I settle in for the 45 minute ride. I try to loose myself in the music but there is so much I have to do today.** _

  
_There's the food pantry I'm headin' to right now. From there I have to head home to put that away. Back out to the store to get what I couldn't for free. Home again to put that away. Out again to visit my mother. Not looking forward to that, but I promised. Can't forget to bring my dirties to wash while there. I have to make sure I have enough cash to pay for using her washer and dryer. I could go to a laundry mat, but it's cheaper and gives me a time limit for being over. Home-bound for the night after that. I better make sure to eat in between or I'll forget again 'til I'm in bed. Shit! It's garbage night too._

  
_**As I ramble the long list off in my head the road passes me by. I'm so distracted by my thoughts that I almost miss my stop and the bus driver has to remind me to grab my bike.** _

  
**_I'm gonna hate this fucking day._ **

 

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** _

 

_**In the dingy three room dump I call 'home' I put away my fresh bought groceries. The hull from the food pantry had been pretty good, if not a bit hard to carry on my bike back and meant a lot less I had to spend at the store. By now I'm really wearing down and the bike ride back has done nothing to help. Getting up early and running errands on my day off is not ideal, but I don't have time during the rest of the week so I have to do this when I'm free.** _

  
_**I place the few frozen items in my new deep freezer.** Rent to own payment is coming up. **I sigh. I got sick of not having a way to freeze stuff and went to 'Get It Now' for a rent-to-own deep freezer. It now sits next to the fridge on the carpeted side. That made me have to move the couch to sit along the split in the room.** Rooms? **The one armrest is up against the freezer and the path into the living room is more cramped and if I didn't use it every day, and it hadn't almost replaced my fridge, I would just send it back. The payments are becoming a struggle, though. That's why I go to the plasma center twice a week. The extra $300 makes the payments for a month. Not all of it goes on the freezer, of course. Some of it is for the extra energy bill it racks up. Still worth it.** The price I pay for better things._

  
_**I put the final food item away and go to my room. A twin size bed is stuffed into the corner under the sole window. A closet that would be better set in a mobile home takes up the other side of the room with a long dresser stuffed inside. The original built in dresser I removed a long time ago because the damn thing was falling apart. There are no doors to the closet, though there's sliding tracks that show there used to be at some point. The same shag carpet from the living room leads into here and is just as balding. There's enough space left for a small end table with a lamp on it between the bed and closet and still have room to open the dresser drawers.** _

  
_**I grab the laundry hamper off the dresser and work my way back to the kitchen area. I place the basket on the counter then turn to the small table and chairs. Moving them to the side gives me access under the couch were I store a collapsible granny-cart. I pop the cart open and put a garbage bag in it then dump the basket of clothes into the bag for easier travel. I make sure not to tie it too tight, having to use it to bring the clothes back and stuff the laundry soap and dryer sheets into the left over space on top. I grab my purse and head back out the door for the third time today.** At least I don't need my coat anymore._

 

_**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~** _

 

_This! This is why I don't come to my mother's often. It's the same shit every time, no matter how often I come over. **I take another drag of my cigarette as I try to drown out my mother's voice.**_

  
_**"You know you can save more money if you give up those things." She scolds me as I stand in her living room and exhale a nice cloud of smoke.** _

  
_**"But if I gave up smokin' then I'd have nothing to calm the stress of dealing with you." I reply as I ash in an empty soda can I hold.** _

  
_**I flinch away as she swats at me, making her just miss. I take a few steps to the side as she swings again, she misses again. Taking another hit of the offensive object, I stare her down. She lets the moment go as she finds something else to reprimand me for.** _

  
_**"I recycle. Stop ashing in the cans. They won't take them if they are full of crap."** _

  
_**"It's one can. They are not going to reject an entire bag cuz of one can. And I wouldn't have to ash in the can if you had an ashtray."** _

  
_**"You don't know that. Besides, I don't smoke, so why should I have ashtrays. I don't like those nasty things and I don't want my house smelling like them."** _

  
_**I sigh at this over-played argument. Another one we have every time I come over. What she doesn't know is that I bought pack because of her. I quit smoking, for the most part, after I moved out of the hell hole I lived in with her. Whenever I make my visits though, I have to go to the corner store and buy a new pack within an hour of arriving. I smoke half a pack every time in the few hours I put myself through this torture. The other half I either finish over the next few days or give away. I'm good after that and don't smoke again. . . .Until I come back for more torture.** _

  
_**"Fine," I say crushing the can and putting it on the table by the front door. "I won't use the can."** _

  
_**"And don't use the garbage can. You can start a fire that way." I roll my eyes. Thankfully she can't see me do so as I turn my back to her and walk into the kitchen to raid the fridge for something to eat since I still haven't found the time to.** _

  
_**She's threatened to kick me outside time and again every time I light up. I threaten to just leave and not come back. As my visits are so few as is, she caves and lets me smoke inside. Doesn't stop the rants, but a battle won is worth it with her. She keeps threatening to put them in water or tear them up and other stuff that would make them un-smokable, but I warned her if she did she would owe me a new pack and that I wouldn't come around until she bought me a new one. When she tested the limits and really ruined a fresh pack I gathered my stuff and left. She kept calling me, asking when I was going to come back over. I kept asking when she was going to replace my pack. She eventually caved and laid off my smoking for a time. That still didn't compare to the next time she wanted to get creative in messing with me.** _

  
_**I had set down my pack and was doing something when she had walked over and decided it would be funny to throw it outside. The pack had still been closed, but it was bitter cold out and snowing. It had been all day and the snow was that light fluffy stuff that covers everything in a few seconds. I didn't see where it landed and didn't want to rut around outside trying to find it. I was so mad I tried to force my mother to go out and get it. Needless to say she fought back and after several handfuls of hair, a busted lip, broken glasses, and a stepped on cat, the fight ended. Mostly because of the cat, really.** _

  
_**I'd gathered my things and stormed out, leaving her to cry as I nursed my bloody lip. It was just by chance that I found the pack when my toe kicked up a pile of fluff. That day took a long while to get over. Now she just bitches at me, like that'll make a difference. Still, that was the last time layed my cigarettes down when I'm over.** _  
_**"There's nothing in there for you." She stands on the other side of the fridge door looking down at me.** _

  
_**"I just want to see what's in here. Is that a crime?"** _

  
_**"Not yet. But I'll let you know when it is."** _

  
_**I sigh again.** I sigh a lot when I'm over here. **Pulling closed the fridge door I stand up straight. I put the cigarette to my lips and take a long hit, then blow the smoke out, right in my mother's face. She swats me several times, every blow connecting, but I manage to keep the cig in my hand. Most of the hits are light, for her, and land on my arms and back. Once she stops I shake the pain away. I notice the ash is long, but I have no where to ash. She's already vetoed the trash can and I'm not going to ash in my own hand. I think about ashing on her.** That just means another chore she'll give me for next time. **I turn around and look at the kitchen sink.**_

  
_**Before she's the wiser I walk over and ash right in the drain. I cringe against the hit to the back of my head. "Owe."** _

  
_**"Not in my fucking sink. I just cleaned that."** _

  
_**"Fine, here, I'll clean it out." I turn on the faucet and run the water over the small pile of ash in the drain.** _

  
_**"That's a waste of water. I pay my own water bill. Do you want to pay it for me?"** _

  
_**I ignore her latest complaint as I take one more drag and run the butt under the water. I make sure the faucet is completely off before moving around her to throw the butt away. I watch her out the corner of my eye as she double checks the faucet and drain. Another roll of my eyes is my only response as I head down to the basement to check the wash.** _

  
_**I'm half tempted to light up another cigarette, but I don't have a lighter on me and had to light that last one on her stove, which is what triggered the whole rant to begin with. I move my clothes into the dryer and start the timer. It's going to take an hour for them to dry.** _

  
_**"Are they in the dryer yet?" Mother calls from the top of the stairs. She doesn't come down unless she really has to.** _

  
_**"Yes, Mommy Dearest." I call back.** _

  
_**She ignores the jibe referencing the old movie and says, "Good. I have some things I need your help with."** _

  
_**As another sigh escapes I head upstairs for my latest round of torture.** The things I do for clean clothes._

 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letting loose and Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First list of songs for this chapter at the bottom. Feel free to watch them or continue to my next chapter.

It takes me a minute to realize that the two women had stopped laughing and were looking at me in concern.

  
"Hey, you all right, Girlie?" Ella touches my arm gently, as if afraid I might lash out or bolt.

  
"Yeah," I say quietly, forcing a small smile. "Just remembering days long ago."

  
Ella looks even more sad as she wraps me in a hug. "Girlie, you don't live like that anymore. I won't let you. Ok?"

  
"Ok. I know." I hug her back just as tightly for a second. I look past her and see Kiino watching our exchange out the corner of her eyes as she takes a drink of her wine. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts I hadn't seen our drinks when they were brought to us. Forcing bright smile, I let go of Ella and pick up mine. Lifting it in a salute I say, "Hell, we are here to have fun. So let's have some mother-fuckin' fun!" Tipping the drink back I gulp it all down.

  
"That's the spirit, Girlie." Ella grabs her own and downs half her own.

  
I watch Kiino wearily to see if she would comment on my sudden bust of enthusiasm. Or my sudden lack of it to start. She did neither. I am glad for that as I really don't know her well enough to want to explain the darkness that still overshadows my soul. Ella has earned the right over the years and watched me go through some of the shit first hand.

She's heard me rant and cry and came with on a few cases to see all I said was not exaggerated. Ella is the only person I ever let know the full extent of what I grew up with. Kiino hasn't earned that trust yet. If she ever will.

  
I feel the booze starting to kick in and my senses start to numb. I like it and hate it at the same time, but I can't relax enough right now without liquid courage. I grab what's left of Ella's drink and finish it for her, ignore the looks from both women, and jump to my feet.

  
" _La la_ , would you care to dance with me?" I ask, holding out my hand.

  
She smiles brightly as she gently places hers in mine. "I thought you'd never ask," she says, breaking out in giggles.

  
I pull her to her feet with such force that she falls right into my arms and I swing her into a dip. The move is so smooth and fast that Ella is shocked as she holds on for dear life. I chuckle at the look on her face as I right her to the applause of the other patrons that seen.

  
I hold on to her hand as I address Kiino. "You going to join us, Ms. Club Owner?"

  
Kiino shakes her head as she smiles at my antics. "I have a few things I have to attend to. Maybe when I'm done I'll get on the floor . . . . If you're still here."

  
I nod in false understanding and lead the way back to the first floor, dragging Ella behind me. I feel such a buzz I can ignore the fact I'm so far from the ground level. I notice Big Joe is no longer guarding the v.i.p rope, instead it's a man that could be Big Joe's twin, if he were black. This new man smiles just as much as the other at Ella as we pass.

  
"Do you know all the staff here?" I half yell over the increased volume of music.

  
"I've have been coming here for a while. But, no, not all. Just most of them, anyway." I roll my eyes and keep dragging her along.

  
The club seems even more packed by the time we make it to the dance level. I push my way to the center of the dance floor as another song with a catchy tune fades off. Right as I get us to a spot that seems decent, a new song starts up. I instantly recognize the melody and turn to Ella as I hop up and down in excitement.

  
"Oh my stars! I love this song!" I don't even wait for her to say anything as I strike a pose to the first lines of Imagine Dragons' _Believer_. I've seen the video a few times but created a dance all my own to the song. I've practiced it so many times at home I just fall into the steps. Ignoring any stares I may be getting, I let the music take me away and dance my heart out. I see Ella moving along with me, doing what steps she remembers from when I would do it with her, and making up any she doesn't.

  
A bliss, I only feel when I dance, washes over me. The past. The future. None of that matters. Only the music and my body moving. I can't think about the world. I won't think about the world. I keep moving and moving as the bass pounds into my bones. As that song ends I smile at Ella in pure joy. We are both panting and a slight sheen of sweat is breaking out, but our elation keeps going as _Shape of You_ comes on next. There is no guess work to this song as we have danced to this one together many times, as well.

  
We grind and twirl and just move to each-others moves. The alcohol has dropped all fears of strangers watching. For both Ella and me. That is one of our binding traits. People seeing us for who we are. We've both been judged for it for so long. Even though we've grown more bold and care less what others think, there are still moments like this where it's a little harder to 'let our hair down' without a few drinks in us. We dance to one more song that neither of us know. Letting the beat dictate our moves. We each find our own rhythm and move away from each-other as some guys start to gather around. She has a few dancing on her as her moves are more provocative and encourage more bodies.

 

Mine just pulls one close as he puts his hands on my hips and I drape my arms over his shoulders. Another thing I wouldn't be so bold to do if I was sober. I can tell that my dance partner is hoping that I'll take off with him and give him a ride to remember. After Ella had knocked some sense back into me, I stopped doing that with strangers. Except for that one night. But I blame the situation and I wasn't drinking then.

  
As this latest song ends I step away from my admirer and push past Ella's. Putting my mouth close to her ear to be heard over the noisy crowd I ask her if she wants another drink. She nods her head and takes my hand, knowing exactly which way to escape the throng of bodies. We pop out on the side of the bar and head to the nearest opening.

  
"They sure get a crowd around here." I yell as we wait to be seen by one of the bartenders.

  
"I know. I don't think there is a dead night here. At least, not as dead as a bar can get in town."

  
Ella and I are leaning against the bar, facing the mirrors, but we're so busy trying to get the attention of a bartender, neither of us see the man that walks up behind us until he slaps Ella's ass. Her yelp of surprise makes me jump and turn in sync with her to confront the assailant. Ella squeals in joy.

  
"ADONIS!" Her yell is so loud that several people, including some on the dance floor, turn to look for the source of commotion. Deciding there is no threat, they all go back to what they were doing. Adonis is a very accurate name for the man that Ella jumps to wrap her arms around. He gives her a quick twirl, making those closest have to back away a few steps. Once Ella's feet are back on the ground she keeps one hand on his arm as he leaves one on her waist. They are so caught up in exchanging greetings I take the time to look him up and down.

  
He has to be as tall as Dominic, give or take an inch. A more chiseled jaw and softer cheek bones accent his oval eyes that are a unique shade of hazel. Lush lips spread in a smile from ear to ear, showing off his pearly white teeth. His nose gently slopes from his face to end in a rounded point with nostrils that curve away softly. He's definitely mixed with some black, as his dark hair has the curls that are both tight and loose. It hangs down to his shoulders and looks soft to the touch. Next to Dominic, the man has the best complexion and is a shade or two darker. _Why the hell am I comparing this man to Dominic?_ Adonis' t-shirt is dark brown and form fitting, showing off his abs and strong arms. The shirt is tucked into dark jeans that hug his shapely ass.

  
"What can I get you?" I start as a bartender finally shows up to take my order. I let him know what Ella and I want and watch as he makes our drinks. When he places them in front of me I go into my wallet to pay. "That'll be $15."

  
I hesitate over the price. _Most expensive drinks ever_. I don't even get the money out when Ella wraps one arm around me and grabs her drink with her free hand.

  
"Put it on my tab, Tony." She tells him as she moves me in a spin with her. I have just enough time to grab my own before she pulls me away.

  
As I reorient myself to the sudden change, I hear a man chuckling. "La la, take it easy or you're going to be wearing those drinks."

  
After making sure my feet weren't going to get swept out from under me again I focus on the source of the voice as Ella replies, "Whatever. I want you to meet my girl. Girlie, say hi to Adonis."

  
"Ummm . . . . Hi." I say feeling the most awkward I have in years. Seeing him from a distance was one thing. Being introduced to him forcibly is another. I'm grateful for the lighting as I feel a blush rise. _You never get this bashful around Dominic. Then again, that is a different situation and you don't talk to him in front of people._

  
"Hey, Girly." Adonis' words make me cringe as he calls me girly. Ella starts laughing besides him and he looks confused.

  
"Ella, shut up. This is your fault. Adonis. . . sorry. Girly is not my nickname. _Girlie_ ," I pause to put emphasis on how Ella says it versus how he said it, "is Ella's nickname for me, only. You can call me Riena."

  
"Oh, that is until we find a nickname for you that fits better." A familiar voice says behind me.

  
I turn to see Kiino with a bright, and slightly mischievous, smile on her face. Then I have to do a double take at what she's wearing. The waitress garb is gone and replaced with very hot clothes.

  
Instead of a white button down top and black slacks, she now rocks a strapless black corset shirt that has reshaped her entire frame. Her knee length skirt is black a with silver overtone that shimmers as she moves. Black half-calf boots draw eyes to alabaster legs. Accenting this with chain link anklet, choker, circlet and bracelets (all with gears hanging from them) pull it all together. Making her look very. . . hot.

  
"Rock it, gir-"

  
I cut Ella off, bringing attention to the comment Kiino made. "What do you mean 'find a nickname'?"

  
"Ella hasn't told you? Everyone who comes here gets a nickname." Kiino replies in a matter-of-fact way.

  
"She told me that part, but Riena isn't my actual first name. So I shouldn't need a new one _found_ for me."

  
Ella tries to pipe up again but Kiino cuts her off. "Riena is the name you came here as. That is a name that you chose for yourself. It's a name that the outside world knows you as. Here? Here, we are _what_ we want to be and who we are _meant_ to be. Outside names are only allowed the first visit. After that. . . . You are the name you earn."

  
I hold up my hands as I try to understand what Kiino is saying. "You're telling me that if I want to come back here, I have to let you pick out a new _nickname_ for me? How the hell does that even make sense? I mean, what if I don't like it? What if you can't come up with one for me tonight? What if you pick a name and I never come back and someone else earns that name? How are you even going to get everyone around here to call me a new name after one night!?" I stop to take a breath as oxygen loss catches up with me.

  
"First of all, I didn't say that I was going to pick a name for you. It's one you earn. Everyone earns it one way or another in their first night. Secondly, not everyone likes their nickname," she points to Ella who pouts, "and if you don't want to get stuck with something you don't like, then you don't do something to get stuck with a dumb one. Thirdly, I have yet to see anyone earn the same nickname as another. Even if that became a case, there is still your I.D. that is required to enter our club," I try and not look guilty as Ella had just brushed us through without a formal check, "and, as you seen, once your card is scanned it puts you in a database. Before you can get all paranoid, it only takes your picture and name. Once you have a nickname, I update your name with the one you earned. Next time you're here, that's what you'll be called. If you don't like it then you don't have to come back. Only a few cases have ever gotten their names changed and those were extreme circumstances."

  
As she finishes her explanation she takes a sip from a glass I didn't see her holding. I look down at my own as I debate on if I like the idea of this or not. _Ain't like you have to come back here. You are not the type to drive this far just to drink and dance_. I nod finally, and I hear Ella release a deep sigh. I turn to her and see relief clear on her face. I let that go as I don't really want to stand still anymore, so I drain my glass and put it on the bar.

  
Adonis, who had been quiet this whole time, decided to break the heavy silence that fell between us. "Who wants to get back on the dance floor with me?"

  
Us three women all looked at each-other and break out in smiles. The tension falling away like that. After waiting for the others to put their drinks down, the four of us move back to the center and start dancing.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Adonis and Kiino can move. We dance to several songs, grab more drinks and chat more. I learn quiet a bit about the both of them as we talked.

  
Adonis is a collage grad and used to have some classes with Ella for a brief time before going back to California to take care of his dying mother. After she passed, he stayed over there for a time. He'd lost touch with Ella in that time. It was when he was back in Wisconsin, visiting family in the area, that he was invited to this very club. Ella was here, of course, that night. They started chatting and caught up quick. Ella is also the reason he got the name Adonis. He is the hottest man I ever met, not including a certain vampire that pays me nightly visits. He had to go back to California the next day and didn't know when he was going to be back around. They had stayed in touch lightly, and this was his first day back in town. He announced at this time that he had found a job in the area and is in the process of moving back for good. Ella's eyes light up at this news.

  
Ella made it up here with a group of coworkers after Kiino had paid a visit to the real-estate firm Ella owns. Kiino had been putting a down payment on a house and Ella had been the one to help her with the paper work. They had talked about what it's like owning their own business and hit it off. Kiino told Ella to visit her club and bring friends. She's been coming back ever since. (When I ask her about the 'boy toy' she said brought her, she said she'd made him drive them in his SUV and that counts as him bringing her.)

  
Kiino is another matter entirely. She lives in the same town as Ella and me, but we never seemed to cross paths until tonight. She'd worked more than a few dead end jobs and was getting sick of it when luck smacked her in the face. It was like that movie where the cop promises a waitress half his winnings on a Power-ball ticket. Instead of Kiino being a waitress, she was a clerk in a gas station. The man was not a cop, but some nice old guy that she would always listen to as he talked about his past while she worked 3rd shift alone. He would grab a Power-ball ticket every night and promise to split the winnings with her. He never won anything and it had become like a running joke for both of them. It was a surprise for both of them when he did win the big lotto that was up to a couple hundred million at the time. True to his word, after he payed off all the taxes, he gifted her half of his winnings. She wasn't going to except at first but after he pressed, and another crappy night at the gas station, she caved. She invested her money into the club and never looked back. Kiino is her real name and she has no intention of getting a nickname. Her reason being, "I'm the owner. I can do what I want." That was also her reasoning for the name she chose for the establishment. Naming this place "THE CLUB" seemed the best she could come up with.

  
After our explanations of how we know one-another, we migrate back to the less packed dance floor. It is getting late, but none of us are in a hurry to be elsewhere. Kiino leads our group to the end I couldn't see when I first entered. It is along this strip that an entire band stage is set up. Three feet off the ground with seven foot speakers on either end. There is enough room for a large band to set up. Right now there is only a man behind a large turn table holding one side of a pair of headphones to his ear. He's bouncing in time with what is currently playing. There must be a gap behind the stage, as I see the outline of a door with an exit sign above it past the DJ.

  
Ella and Adonis move a bit away from us as they start dancing against each-other to the lyrics of _Touchin' on My_. My laugh is drowned out by the speakers as I watch Kiino put her all into her moves. We have all loosened up as the drinks kept coming, I know I am well into being drunk, but Kiino is dancing at a level of loose I only see when someone hears their jam. I shake my hips and move along with the song as best I can while watching Kiino move like she's the only one around. She looks like a seductress as she thrusts her hips and strokes her body in time with the words. Lip syncing the lyrics while running her hand through her hair. Every man around is watching her with lust, but too intimidated to get close as she drops low and slowly rises back up.

  
I feel a body bump up behind me and I look over my shoulder to see the offender. It's some random guy trying to dance on me. _There's no hurt in dancing with the guy_ , I think as I return most of my attention back to Kiino. I can still see Ella and Adonis dancing a little ways off. The guy behind me puts his arms out on either side of my waist, fists out as he grinds on my ass. _Guys talk about wanting women to grind on them, but they tend to do it more,_ I laugh to myself. When his hands start lowering and move to my thighs I start to feel uncomfortable. I grab them off, freeing the fabric of my skirt he took hold of, and take a step away to get out of his half embrace. I turn to let him know that I wasn't cool with the groping to find him half a foot from me and trying to wrap his arms around me again., this time reaching for my ass. _The fuck is this guys prob._

  
I feel a little panic rising as I take another step back and he follows, like it's just some kind of dance step and he knows all the moves. He isn't even looking at my face, but very closely at my heaving chest.

  
I flinch as a hand from behind comes over my right shoulder and crosses over to the top of my left breast. A head rests on my left shoulder and I turn to see that Kiino is attached to the arm as her other one wraps around my waist to drape that hand just above my groin, all in a manner as if to claim me. She doesn't even look at me as she stares the pervert down. Daring him to try anything as she smiles sweetly. After I get over my initial shock of arms around me I lean back into Kiino and place my hands over hers, reaffirming her claim. The man looks uneasily between the both of us before turning to find another victim.

  
Kiino then turns her head and presses her lips close to my ear. "I got you. Let's get you by the others." She unwraps herself from me and takes my hand. We are only a few feet from the other two of our group. They are so wrapped up in each-other that they don't see us approach. Kiino has to tap Ella on the shoulder to get her attention.

  
Ella turns with a huge smile on her face. She looks at Kiino who points to me with her free hand. I must not look myself as Ella's smile falls when she looks at me. I stand woodenly watching as Kiino whispers something into Ella's ear. What ever she says makes Ella frown and nod. _I wish she wouldn't make Ella upset. I don't like seeing her frown._ Kiino gives Ella my hand and, after making sure I'm not going to pull away, walks off the dance floor towards the DJ. Ella waves her hand in front of me to get my attention.

  
I look at her feeling kind of dazed. I look at our clasped hands and see her's is folded a bit in mine as my knuckles turn white. _You're gonna break her hand._ I jump when I realize that I have a death grip on my best friend's hand and let it go like I was the one being hurt. I try to say sorry but I can't hear my own voice. The music comes flooding back into focus, almost deafening me. I take a deep breath as I feel my senses flooding back. I look up to see Adonis standing a little ways back from Ella, concern clear on his face. _Why do they keep looking at me like that. Nothing happened. I'm fine._ I give Adonis a smile, as if to convey to him that very thought. He smiles back and nods that he understands.

  
Ella has one hand on my arm as she looks over to the stage. I follow her gaze with my own. The DJ is no longer behind his turntable. Instead he is crouched low near the front edge of the stage. He's looking down at Kiino as she presses something to her ear, her back to us. She nods her head once and removes a headset that she hands to the DJ. He leans down farther as she says something to him. He nods and moves back to his station.

  
Kiino turns and I see a look of distress on her face. My heart lurches, knowing that look is because of me. She looks to where we stand and sees us watching her. She recomposes her features to hide that look as if we didn't see. _I know that game. I play it well all by myself. I can let her play it._

  
She walks over to us and places a hand on the arm Ella isn't touching. I suddenly feel trapped. My hands sweat. I take a step back, just far enough that neither woman is touching me. I can't look at either of them as I wrap my arms around myself. The floor has become very interesting as I study the false pattern work. A set of heels and a pair of boots come into view beneath my gaze. No hands touch me, but I can feel eyes bore into me as they try to get my attention. I look up, forcing a smile on my face. I shrug my shoulders as I release the grip on my own body. The effort to make myself seem calm is hard work. _You can do it. You did it before. It's only hard cuz you want to let go, but you can't let go here. Never out where people can see you. Remember that they don't understand you. They never do._

  
A new calm washes over me as my darkest thoughts make sense. I feel my body ease away from the panic attack I now realize I was having. The alcohol numbed me to the signs I've become familiar with. I don't want to ruin Ella's night, so I plaster on a more natural smile. I take a deep breath and the rest of the tension falls away. I look at both women and reach out for each of their hands. I'm proud to feel my smile stretch from ear to ear with no wilting around the edges. I pull both their hands together in front of me and mouth, "I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." I let go of both of them and wrap Ella in a hug. I let her go after a second then turn to Kiino and give her a hug as well. As I'm about to let her go I pause and whisper in her ear, "Thank you for coming to the rescue." I place a small kiss on her cheek and step back. This time to give us all space and not to hide away.

  
I spot Adonis standing several feet away, trying to not watch us too closely. I roll my eyes and walk between the two women to grab him and drag his ass over to the rest of us. I take one of Ella's hands again and place his in hers. Signifying that they should get back to dancing. They both look uncertain, but I push them away. I turn back to Kiino and give her my biggest smile this evening. I have no idea what I'm going to say to her to convince her to let it drop. I open my mouth, getting ready to think of something on the fly when another Imagine Dragons song plays. This time it's Thunder. I take both her hands and start waving them in the air in time with the beat. I know every line and sing along with it as I swing Kiino around. I let everything wash away again as I jump around. I only let her go as the thunder claps, quickly taking her hands back up to make her move in time with me.

  
I refuse to let myself fall back into the dark side of my mind. I find energy I don't have to just keep dancing. To keep moving. To stop thinking.

  
_Hips Don't Lie_ makes me pull out my hardest moves. I ignore the stitch in my side as I sway past Ella and Adonis. I take some pride that my efforts are paying off as the looks of concern have disappeared. _What can I say. I'm good at hiding what I want to. It's not like I've told Ella that dancing is a shield._ My smile falters a bit, but I push it back up as I push away the thought. I plan to dance the night away until my feet hurt and my body aches so bad that I'll sleep the day away. _Not like you have to work tomorrow. You can let it out then. You don't have to share this with anyone._

  
A single tear slips my guard and falls to the floor, unnoticed by anyone but me.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine Dragons' - Believer; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4K3FWlWAWI
> 
> Ed Sheeran - Shape Of You; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRkIdcuXZQg
> 
> 3OH!3 - Touchin' On My; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAo7TxEhrHQ
> 
> Shakira - Hips Don't Lie; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EPKHC59Fpko


	10. Chapter Ten

**I'm being followed. By what, I don't know. It's coming for me. The fact that it's day does not seem to make a difference. The light is blinding and I can't see where I'm running. _Why am I running?_**

 

**The hands. . . . The hands. . . . They are always grabbing me. Touching me when I don't want them to. Hurting me. . . . _Why do they always hurt me?_**

 

**I can't move. They are holding me down. They say it's for the best. They say I don't know what's best for me. They say alot of things. _Why don't they listen?_**

 

**I want to leave. I want to get as far away as I can. But they make me feel bad for wanting that. I should want to stay. I should want to what they want. _Why can't I live a life my own?_**

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  
I wake up in a cold sweat. My pillow is squished to my chest. I can't breath. _Why can't I breath?_ Flashes of fitful dreams fill my mind. A shiver runs through me. I exhale, my breath rushing out as spasms of fear take control. I gulp in as much air as possible with loud gasping sounds before letting it all out in a heavy sigh. I repeat this several times while my body shakes.

  
Many long painful minutes later I calm myself down enough to sit up. I reach for my cell phone on the end table by my bed. I don't feel it and a new wave of panic hits me. I jump out of bed and turn on the bedside lamp. It's only then that I gather my bearings. _I was out with Ella last night. I got drunk off my ass. I was brought home in a cab. I didn't take my phone out my purse as I stumbled to bed._

  
My breathing slows as memories of last night come back. I did as I intended and danced until closing. I didn't drink any more, not wanting to get any drunker then I knew I already was. Ella didn't say anything outright, but I could tell she really wanted to stay with Adonis. They really connected and I wanted to give her as much time as I could with him as possible. He was a much better choice than the Mr. Thornberrys look-alike. I would of been more reluctant if Kiino hadn't seemed ok with the idea when I mentioned it in an offhanded way to her while the other two stood by Adonis' car. _I don't know why I trust her already, but I do_.

  
It took a little urging from both of us to convince Ella to stay with Adonis. Ella had insisted that she pay for the cab ride back to town. As she was my ride, I took no shame in taking the offer. I was more than a little grateful for the fact that the driver was female. Not that I won't get in a cab with a man, I just wasn't comfortable with most men right then. The ride back to town was quiet and I slept for most of it. It was almost four a.m. when the cabbie dropped me off. I had sobered up some by the time I made it to my front door, but exhaustion, mixed with two panic attacks, lack of food or hydration. . . . _I'm surprised I haven't thrown up yet._ I'd kicked off my heels and dropped my purse and coat by the front door. I slipped out my dress on the way to my room and unclasped my bra before face-planting on my bed.

  
I take stock of myself and my surroundings as I hunt down my purse. It's getting close to nightfall. That I can tell from the lack of light coming through the windows. My head is a little achy and my stomach is begging for food, but otherwise I feel fine. I find my purse under my coat by the front door. I dig through it as I head to the kitchen. My phone is lit up with missed calls and texts. All of them came from Ella starting around 10 a.m. I open the texts first as I get a glass out the cabinet. The first few are about her excitement over going home with Adonis. _His name is Adrien?_ She flips back and forth calling him both names. The next few are later in the day. Around noon from the time stamps. I look over at the clock on the microwave and see it's almost six p.m. These ask me how I'm doing and brag that she has much to share with me. A few hours passed before she sent out the next one. She seems a little more worried as she asks if I'm still upset about the jerk from the club.

  
I ignore the train of thought that follows the memory. The next one is from over an hour ago. There is definitely more panic in this one as she asks why I won't pick up. _Hard to pick up a phone when you're passed out_ , I reason, though a little twist of guilt tightens my empty stomach. I turn on the sink faucet and fill my glass with cold water as I open the next text. It just says my name in all caps. The last few are her screaming at me to pick up the phone or text her back, the last one being sent right before I found my purse. I quickly drink my water and refill the glass as I flip to my call log and check the times. Every one is spaced out along the same time as the texts. _Calm down, girl, I was just sleeping_. I decide that if she is getting this panicked from me not responding then I better call her now.

  
I almost hit the call button when my phone starts ringing in my hand. The sound is so shrill that I almost drop it. I make a save and manage not to spill my water. I hit the answer key and put it on speaker.

  
"What's up?" I ask a little too casually. Ella doesn't notice as she starts screaming.

  
"WHAT'S UP? What's Up? Girl! I've been trying to get ahold of you all day! What the hell!? I was getting ready to drag my ass over there and smash your door down. Where are you? You're ok, right? SAY SOMETHING!!!!"

  
_So glad I have it on speaker._ "Breath, Ella, I'm ok. I'm at home. I just got up a few minutes ago and had to find my phone that I left it in my purse at the other end of the house." I can hear her deflate some on her end.

  
". . . . You're sure you're ok? There was all that drama wi-"

  
"Not another word on it. I'm good. G-O-O-D. Good. I had fun. I let loose. I didn't go home with some man I didn't go there to meet." I say the last to distract her. It works as she squeals and starts in on her tirade of how much she likes Adonis/Adrien.

  
I finish my water and refill it one more last time. Sipping the cold drink, I head to the bathroom, suddenly having to go really bad. I put the glass and my phone on the edge of the sink. Ella is oblivious as she keeps talking with little encouragements from me. _Not like we've never talked like this before_. When nature calls, but you don't want to hang up on your girl, you put her on speaker and keep talking as you go.

  
As I wash my hands I look in the mirror. The sight of myself makes me flinch. I try to not think of how hard it's going to be getting all the snarls out of my hair and my make-up is all over the place, thanks to not washing it off before bed. Streaks of bare skin pattern my face as if water was dripped on my eyes while I slept and it ran sideways down my cheeks. I don't even remember crying. My eyes are the most startling. Most of my lashes are bunched together where the salt from the tears fused them. The combination of messed up face paint and clumped eyelashes make the shine in my eyes even more vivid.

  
Ella is still going on and I mutter a few umhums to keep her talking. Turning from my reflection I start a hot bath, hoping to ease some of the pains of my body. I can no longer pay attention to what Ella is saying, so I do us both a favor and cut her off.

  
"Oh, and for-"

  
"Ella, I have to do some stuff now. Let me call you back in the morning when I'm more recovered. Ok?"

  
"Oh. . . ok. Just call me as soon as you get up. I don't want to have to blow up you're phone again."

  
I smile at the thought. "Yeah, I will. Get some rest and I'll talk to you later. Bye."

  
I hear her say bye as I hit the end button. Sighing, I check the temperature of the tub water. After adjusting it some I go back to my bedroom and finish removing my clothes from last night. Scooping up my mp3 and headphones I head back to the bathroom and spend some time brushing out the snarls as my tub finishes filling. By the time both are done I have a decent sized handful of hair on my brush and I can't wait to soak. _I just woke up and I already want to go back to bed._ After tying my hair up and turning on my player I climb into the tub and let the warmth wash away the pains from last night's activities. Placing the player on the edge of the tub I let the first few lines of Wandering Star fill my brain and feel the melody relaxing me. As my body pains ease I begin to think.

  
_I am happy for Ella. It's been so long since her last real relationship. I really hope this one works out. After that prick broke her heart she hasn't been the same. I know I wasn't for a while. I guess, like the twins we are, we're bond to go through the same shit. Yeah right! We have so much in common but there is so much we don't. She has a drive that I never will. I mean, she went to collage and travels. She owns her own business. She keeps trying for a better relationship. She hasn't gone about it well, I admit, but at least she tries._

  
I stopped my education after high school. There is no point when I can't find a passion worth going for. I keep mulling over all my options, but can't find one to make it worth my while. I don't regret that choice, just the reasons why I didn't in the first place. When I first made the choice not to go to college I was with the man I loved and found a job in retail. I loved working in a grocery store part-time and spending any free moment I had with Him. Many years and a broken heart later I hated my life all over again. I was so broken. _I still am._ I keep saying I want to get the hell out of this town. Yet, every time I get a real chance to do so, even for a short while, I find a way to not go. I'm still too fucking scared to live the life I want. _Why can't I bring myself to the life I want? Why did it take meeting a vampire in a dark alley, like some fantasy, to get my ass in a position to do more with myself?_

  
_Fuck! Is he even real? I mean, I spent years hallucinating things. I always knew when I was and was able to keep myself sane enough to tell the difference. What if Dominic is just a figment of my own imagination and my brain just snapped enough that night to not be able to tell?_

  
_No. I had the bruises. I had to hide them for weeks. They had been seen by others. I can't mark myself in those spots. I don't want others to know about him. Even if we don't point out the vampire thing, I'll have other things to explain. I don't want to explain things. No one ever understands. Not until they see it first hand. Even Ella didn't understand the full extent of everything I was telling her. Not until. . . . NO! I won't think back to that. I'm not that person anymore. I won't let myself be that person. . . Dominic won't let me be that person._

  
Fresh tears burn down my cheeks, leaving more streaks before mixing with bath water. I cry for every pain I've ever felt. For every dark thought that's past through my head. For every time I broke down and had no one to help. For every time I burdened someone with my issues. For still living when all I wanted was to die.

  
The tears slow and my breathing becomes more labored as my nose clogs. Being unable to breath clears my head. Suffocation is not comfortable. I pull the plug out the drain, take my headphones off, put them next to the player and take a shower. Baths are good to relax in, but showers are better for getting properly clean. It doesn't take long washing myself. I ring out out my hair before exiting the tub and grab a couple towels, one to wrap my hair up and another to dry my body with. In case Dominic showed up while I was bathing, I wrap the second towel around my body and leave the bathroom. I refuse to look in the mirror as I pass it.

  
Now that I'm hydrated and clean I'm not sure what I should do next. _Eat._ My stomach growls to accent the point so I head to the kitchen to silence it. I riffle the fridge and pantry, but find nothing I want, so I turn to the deep freezer in the corner. I finished paying it off before moving out of the hovel and I'd be damned if I left it with that slumlord. There's plenty more room in this kitchen than the previous one, plus I don't want to go down and up stairs every time I want something out of it or I would have put the deep freezer in the basement. I still prefer it more than the smaller freezer built into the fridge even though this fridge is normal in size. The littler one only holds ice trays and odd small stuff that I don't want to get lost in the larger one.

  
Reaching in, I grab a partial bag of pizza rolls, my go to for lazy cooking. Once I have them cooking in the microwave I return to my bedroom to find clothes. _Surprised Dominic isn't here yet_ , I can't help thinking as I flip the hallway light-switch. _Why do I even care if he hasn't shown up yet? He's been a thorn in my side since the day he came crashing in. If he never comes back, I'll be more than happy._ My heart lurches at that last thought.

  
I ignore the feeling, but concede that he hasn't been a complete thorn. He's kept me from doing some awful things. He even got me the connections I needed to get my shit together to move out the hovel. Hell, he was the one that helped me get most of this shit in here when I was too tired, or too weak, to do so myself. I used to ask him why he keeps helping me, but his response is always "Why not?" I gave up asking and just let him do it. _Not like I've ever found an argument that makes him stop doing what he wants._ Makes it hard to be mad at someone when they keep doing shit for you without being asked. Especially when it's something that you want help with but don't want to ask for, because of a horrible thing called pride.

  
I smile as I think back to the first time Dominic got the first, really good, laugh out of me.

 


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling into a new home is painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since Dominic brought a smile to Riena, but he manages in this next chapter.

_**"FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUCK!" I scream out in pain as I hop around my new kitchen clutching my left hand.** _

_**  
I kick at the offending hammer that caused my pain. My toes just brush the handle and make it spin a few times. It stops in the same position it started in, like it's taunting me. I glower at it before checking the damage to my thumb. It's very red and looks a little swollen, but I can bend it and my nail doesn't seem to be trying to fall off.** _

_**  
I weave through the piles of boxes and bags to the sink. Turning the cold water up full blast I put the injured digit under it to ease the throbbing. As the water soothes I glare back at the hammer. I was trying to put up a spice rack next to the stove but the wall was harder to break through than I thought. I figured a harder swing might break it enough. I'd cocked my arm back and swung forward. . . . Just to miss and hit my thumb. Getting mad at myself for poor aim doesn't seem reasonable so I blame the hammer.** _

_**  
My hand starts shaking as the cold water removes all warmth from it. Turning the water off, I cup my hand close to me as I feel a slight throb returning. Not nearly as bad as the initial pain, but still there. "That motha fuckin' thing can wait. I need a distraction."** _

_  
**I am alone in my new house.** I have a house. It's really mine. **The idea of getting my own house scared the shit out of me for longer than I can remember. More from drama in my past than not wanting a permanent home that I can do with as I want. I know Dominic had more to do with me getting this house than he admits to. How he does anything he does, I have no clue. I know that he didn't "just" find the perfect house for me. He didn't "just" know that it was up for sale. He didn't "just" know how to get a hold of the realtor.**_

_  
**Ella had been mad at me for not going to her when I first decided to buy a house, but I knew she would give me the "friend" discount and I don't want to take advantage of my closest friend. That's why, even though I knew Dominic has ulterior motives, I let him set me up with his realtor and I put the down payment on this house in less than a week after I seen it.** _

_  
**I suspect that the vampire has something to do with the interest rate on my mortgage being so low, but with my credit, I wasn't going to push the point. I did decline his offer to help me buy the house outright, even though he said I could pay him back without the same interest, but there is a line I had to draw on how indebted I would let myself become to the creature. After the passing of a good friend, I inherited quite a sum of money and I want to do this on my own. Dominic and I have had many fights over my desire to be independent. One fight even becoming so very passionate that. . . .** Not going to think about that. **I blush as I push that memory back.**_

_  
**Deciding it's better to change all trains of thought pertaining to Dominic, I grab up my blue-tooth speaker and head into the living room, singing along to Mystery Skulls Money. Placing the speaker next to the laptop that's sending the music over, I look around my new living room. It's filled with an array of boxes stacked in odd piles, as if with no rhyme or reason, but I know better. My desk sits in the corner to my right, half set up. I had given up on that earlier when the mouse to my new desktop computer slipped and landed on my head. A flat screen t.v. is on a coffee table on the other side of the room. I was hooking up a PS3 to that until I smacked my elbow on the edge of the screen. . . .** I can't even look at this right now. Bathroom needs some work._

_  
**I grab up the speaker and laptop, careful not to close it as** Money **ends and** Royals **starts to play. I feel the irony for how much that song applied to me just last month. Most of what I had in the place above the bar, I left. Not that I had much to start with. The things I left behind have hard memories attached and I didn't want to bring those. Most of my coworkers cleared out their basements and garages by gifting me anything I didn't already have, the computer and flat screen included. A few things I had to buy brand new, like my bed, but I have more than I thought I would in such a short time.**_

_  
**A swelling of accomplishment fills my heart. . . until I look into the bathroom. The shower curtain is sitting half in the tub on the rod that fell down on my shoulder, giving me a nice little cut. That was because the damn screw in the wall decided it wanted to fall out as I tried to straighten the curtain.** That has to be plastered back in before I can use it. **Deciding I don't want to look at this either I head to the last room I have to set up. I don't know what I'm going to do with the basement or attic so, for the moment, I'm just working on the main floor. Sadly, my own sleeping quarters still have yet to be set up.**_

_  
**My new bedroom is bigger than the living room/kitchen of the hovel. It has two large windows that face out to a back yard and a closet big enough to walk into. The queen sized bed I upgraded to leans against one wall, it's plastic covering still half on after the mattress pissed me off by landing on my foot. I got a headache (and pinched fingers) trying to put the metal frame together. The parts stand in a corner like a bad child. I have managed to get my clothes hung up and put away in my newish dresser, another thing that was donated to me. I would have taken the one from the apartment, but it got stuck in the closet and I didn't want to fight with it. Dominic had offered to help get it out, but I told him I wanted a new one anyways.** Pride is a vicious emotion. **Besides, this one has a mirror with side shelves.**_

_  
**I've been living here for a full week now and still barely have a thing unpacked or put up. Work had slowed down the process at first, but now I've had the whole day and accomplished hurting myself more than getting anything done. I look at a pile of blankets I've been using as a makeshift bed and contemplate burying myself in them and sleeping for the rest of the day.** It is starting to get dark out. I can just wake up in the middle of the night and take care of it then. It's always easier working at night._

_  
**I set the electronics down so I can lay out the blankets like I've been the last week. Sleeping on the floor is painful, but the bed just arrived today and it doesn't look like I'm gonna get it set up any time soon. Needless to say it's no wonder that, as I grab the first bunch of fabric, I find myself reluctant to want to lay down. I hurt enough and I'm not tired yet. Letting it fall back to the floor I turn, intending to try another room again. Which room, I have no clue, as all of them have something that pissed me off in every one.** _

_  
**I'm half way back across the room when another familiar song starts up. It brings back a flood of memories of my school days. I had taken a dance class one year and this was the song that the teacher had used for a routine. She hadn't used the same steps as were in the video, but we still had fun with it. I automatically stop in the first position and fall into the steps I remember so well. It's been years since I did the dance, yet it's like none of that time has past.** _

_  
**When that song ends another jumping beat comes on and I move to that one, too. All my pain is forgotten as I let the music take over. I spin and drop. Sway and jump. The world around me loses all meaning as song after song plays and my body moves in time with each one. I keep lunging and shaking my ass as I run my hands across my frame. My hands reach out, as if inviting someone to join me. Drawing back as if to deny them. Mid-dance I pivot and flick on the overhead light when it becomes too dark in the room to safely trow myself around. The move was much smoother than I anticipated, but I ignore my one bout of not hurting myself and lose myself in the next motions, letting the tempo and words dictate my every move.** _

_  
**Time passes me by as I dance to each familiar song. As I make another spin I stop abruptly, almost falling over myself, as I catch sight of Dominic standing in my doorway. From the casual way he's leaning on the frame and broad smile, he's been watching me for a while. I'm too out of breath to do more than look surprised at being caught dancing. I don't know how his smile got broader at the deer-in-headlights look I gave. Neither of us move until the last bars of** Come Clean **fade.**_

_  
**A blush washes over my face as I try to regain my composer. Dominic cocks his brow at me, refusing to say the first word. I look away, not wanting to say anything either. I turn to shut down my laptop, too embarrassed to want to dance more.** How long was he watching me? Oh, I hope it was just that last number. **I look over my shoulder as I bend down to see a smug look plastered on the vampire's face. My blush renews as I quickly look away again. A low chuckle ensues. I'm too mortified to get mad as I close the laptop on the latest song. There is an alert beep from the speaker, signifying the loss of connection, then the room is filled with silence.**_

_  
**I pointedly avoid looking at Dominic as I gather up the devices and move to get out of my private dance studio. Eyes bore into me as I pass him.** I can't believe he caught me dancing. Please, please don't let him want to talk about it. **As if my mental begging asked to be denied, Dominic brakes the silence just as I enter the living room.**_

_  
**"Those were some moves. You're hips don't lie." He says, turning on the living room light.** _

_  
**I stumble over he reference to the song that played prier to the Hilary Duff one. I'm about to face-plant when my fall is halted by Dominic's arms wrapping around me, my back pulled against his chest.** _

_  
**He leans his head next to mine and whispers in my ear, "Do you want me to sink my teeth into your . . . flesh?"** _

_  
**I drop the speaker, but ignore it as I jerk out of his embrace. My embarrassment reaches a new height over he recitation of the chorus from** Turn My Flesh Inside Out. **Which was playing when I turned the light on in my room. This means he'd been watching me for more than the last few songs.**_

_  
**He releases me and, once I'm clear of his arms, I turn to confront him. "YOU WERE WATCHING ME ALL THAT TIME!?!?!?!?" I didn't mean to yell, but my mortification made my words come out loud.** _

_  
**Dominic cringes at my screaming, but the smile never leaves his face. I really want to smack that smile off his face.** He has no right to be smiling like this. **I take a step back and bump into a stack of boxes. I turn to make sure the pile isn't going to fall over.**_

_  
**"You looked to be having fun and I didn't want to ruin it for you." He finally replies.** _

_  
**My embarrassment is quickly turning to anger at his calm tone. He doesn't even sound repentant.** The arrogant, self-righteous, peeping-tom! **My hands are hurting and I look down to see the laptop still clutched in them. My knuckles are white from the force of my grip. I take a calming breath and relax my hold. Still, I place it next to the computer monitor on the desk, so as not to break it. Dominic either can't read the signs of my anger or chooses to ignore them as he makes another comment.**_

_  
**"You have some good moves. Holding nothing back. Just letting it all out. You should do that more often."** _

_  
Do that more often? Let it all out? Hold nothing back? HA! I'll hold nothing back. **I smack my hand on the desk and wince as it lands on something. The pain only fuels my anger as I wrap my hand around the smooth object. I'm so furious, I close my eyes as I try to suppress the rage.**_

_  
**"You don't need to be embarrassed." His words send me over the edge.** _

_  
**I whirl on him, flinging my hand out as I turn. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT I---" I look in horror at the screwdriver embedded in the wall.** _

_  
**The smile is no longer on Dominic's face as he looks from the projectile back to me. He rights his stance from the lean he made to avoid getting hit. The handle is level with the center of his head. I cup my hands over my mouth as what I almost did processes, and almost start laughing. Dominic's eyes are the widest I've ever seen them, eyebrows touching his hair line. It's the closest to fear I've seen him. . . .** And it's because of me._

_  
**The small thrill I feel at that fact, I hold in check. My face is very composed as my hands lower. I am watching his face closely, so I notice his eyes flick to my hands. His gaze returns to my face when I take a step away from the desk. Feeling emboldened, I stride towards him, my back straight and my words clear.** _

_  
**"Do not, DO NOT, tell me what I should be. Don't tell me what I should feel." I pause as I reach past him to pull the screwdriver out of the wall, noting how he steps away from me. Good. He shouldn't have been such an ass. "And the next time you come over unannounced, don't sit back and watch me like some kind of creep. That's how people end up dead." I wave the deadly item at him to prove my point. No pun intended.** _

_  
**Dominic holds up his hands in defense as he takes a step backwards. Opening his mouth to say something. What? I have no clue as I see, a second too late, his foot landing on the speaker I dropped. I reached out to grab him, but, again, I'm too slow as he looses his balance and falls back into the stack of boxes I had almost tipped earlier. None of them are taped shut, and I cringe, knowing just how bad the mess is going to be. Yet, I can't look completely away from the sight of Dominic landing ungracefully as a cloud of memory foam stuffing pops out of the boxes.** _

_  
**Seeing Dominic in the most undignified heap covered in the stuffing is more than I can handle. I bust out laughing. He tries to get off the boxes, but the one directly under him collapses more and spits more stuffing out as he falls back into it. I place my hands on my knees as I try to stay upright. He shifts again, and slides sideways when the stuffing keeps him from finding traction on the hard wood floor. I drop to my knees and just keep myself from kissing the ground by putting one hand out to catch me. I hear a thump and look up to see Dominic half leaning against the desk, rubbing the back of his head. Stuffing floats out of his hair to resettle on his shirt and pants. I roll over and laugh so hard I can't breath. Just when I think I can catch my breath and get up, a growl crosses the room.** _

_  
**"Soooo glad my misfortune brings you such humor." Dominic drawls. Another wave of giggling takes over.** _

_  
**I'm so caught up in my own mirth that I don't hear Dominic crawling closer until he's right over me, an evil glint in his eyes. I see his hands and turn my head a second before he drops a handful of the stuffing on me.** _

_  
**"You ASS HOLE!" I yelp while trying to shake the foam out of my hair.** _

_  
**"I figured I'd share the wealth," he replies as he drops another handful on me.** _

_  
Oh he wants to play that game? **I gather up a small handful of the stuffing near me and throw it in his face. He flinches back and I use the distraction to crawl over to the massive pile and grab more. He's on me as I wrap my fingers around a handful and pins my arm down while grabbing more for himself to rub into my hair.**_

_  
**I squeal and roll, making him fall sideways. I manage to get another handful thrown as he tackles me again. This time I am ready and I use his momentum to flip him. I am not expecting him to grab my arm and pull me with. Somehow I end up under him. I look up into his eyes. Smaller pieces of fluff are stuck to his brow. The sight makes a smile spread across my face as I struggle to catch my breath.** _

_  
**Dominic isn't even breathing hard. He reaches up and brushes a few bits of the stuffing off my forehead. Our eyes lock. A new sensation warms my skin. My smile fades.** His eye's are so perfect. His lips. . . so soft. **I lift my head some. Tilting my face up in invitation. Dominic lowers himself and brushes his lips against mine. My breath hitches at the caress. I lift a hand and cup it around his neck. Our kiss deepens. His tongue sliding along mine as we explore each-others mouths.** I'm so hungry for him._

_  
**My stomach growls at that exact moment. I try to ignore it as I weave my fingers through silky hair. My body has other plans as my stomach growls louder and clenches in anger. Dominic is the one to pull away.** _

_  
**"Let's get some food in you, Goddess." He says as he rights himself. "If you wish to continue we can pick up where we left off after you eat."** _

__  
**I groan in frustration as I take his hand for assistance. It takes a little while and some effort, but we manage to get off the ground and brush the bulk of the stuffing off us.**   


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mystery Skulls-Money: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JYumvPDGf-0
> 
> Lorde-Royals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0SQxIC0utQ
> 
> Hilary Duff-Come Clean: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cpn392LyyfI
> 
> Britney Spears & Simon Curtis- Turn My Flesh Inside Out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AQ3454-TsE


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's good to give in.

The microwave dings, bringing me back to the present. I had let myself get so lost in my head, the only thing I managed to grab is an over-sized shirt. I pull it over my head as I leave my room to get my food.

  
We didn't have sex that night. Instead, I had ordered a pizza while Dominic nailed up the spice rack, put together my bed, hooked up my computer and game system. He pretty much did everything that I gave up on when I got pissed at it. The stuffing mess we dealt with the best we could. _I was still finding loose bits for weeks after that_. I had been given a giant memory foam bean bag chair and those boxes had contained the filling. It's what I used in place of a couch for months. I still prefer it over the couch I broke down and got, not that the couch isn't nice, I just like the comfort of falling into the giant pillow. The more solid piece I got as a thank you gift for Dominic for helping as much as he has. He believes that no one should live life that close to the ground.

  
Taking my plate and a glass of milk into the living room I curl up in the giant bean bag chair. I turn on the t.v. and PlayStation and, after finding something on Netflix, I eat my food while zoning out to the drama of fictional people.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

**Warm arms embrace me.**

_**I feel safe.** _

**I haven't felt this safe in a long time.**

_**It feels good.** _

**Tears run down my face.**

**I turn my head so they won't be seen.**

**A gentle hand cups my chin.**

**It draws me back.**

**The tears are still falling.**

_**I don't know why I'm crying.** _

**Fingers brush the tears away.**

**I smile.**

**A voice calls to me.**

**I can't understand the voice.**

_**"Wake up."** _

**It's telling me to wake up.**

_**I don't want to wake up.** _

_**I don't want to ever wake up.** _

_**"You need to wake up."** _

_**No I don't.** _

_**Nothing good comes from waking up.** _

_**"Maybe not before, but today is different."** _

_**Today will be the same as all the others** _

_**"I won't let it."** _

_**You can't stop it.** _

_**"I can. Do you know why?"** _

_**No.** _

_**"Because I will do anything to make My Goddess happy."** _

_**That doesn't help me.** _

_**"Yes it does."** _

_**How can that help me?** _

_**"You are My Goddess. Now wake up."** _

 

"Mmmrrrph. . . . I don't want to wake up."

  
"Goddess, you need to."

  
The soft words bring me out of the haze of sleepiness. I open my eyes and see Dominic laying besides me.

  
"Grrrrr. Why'd you have to wake me up?" My voice cracks with sleep.

  
"Cuz, Goddess, if I didn't wake you now you'll be hurting in the morn."

  
It takes a few seconds for his words to sink in. I turn my head and see that I am still in the living room. The t.v. is on with an alert asking if I'm still watching Netflix covering a paused scene. I fell asleep watching t.v. again. I rub goop out of my eyes. A yawn takes over my body and I stretch all my limbs out, hearing loud cracking as the joints pop back into place. A head rush almost makes me pass back out.

Dominic notices and leans over me. I don't register what he's doing until I feel a light bite on my neck. My eyes fly open and I push him off me.

  
"Hey! No bitey." I rub the spot on my neck trying to ignore the thrill that went through me when he did that.

  
"I should of done that from the start. You probably would have woken up faster."

  
My eyes go wide as I recall the last dream I had. _Was it a dream?_ I narrow my eyes, looking at him intently. Trying to find a clue.

  
"D-did. . . Did I. . . Did you. . . Was I . . . " I don't know what to ask or how to ask it.

  
Dominic's face doesn't change.

  
"N-Nevermind. Why so adament about waking me up? Not like this'd be the first time I crashed here all night."

  
"In part because I don't think you'd want to go to work tomorrow feeling stiff and sore. The other part is because I have something for you."

  
I'm more alert instantly. Dominic doesn't just give me things. Not for lack of trying. I just won't let him without a cause. The fact that he's making it obvious he has something for me piques my interest. _What does he want to give me? Why does he have to make a big deal of it? Is it for the fight we had yesterday? He never apologizes. What is it?_

  
He lets me stew for a bit. When he reaches behind himself I try to look past him, but he puts his free hand over my eyes, "You can't look until I say. Now hold out your hands."

  
I do as he says. I can't help but feel a little excited. I keep my eyes closed as he directs my hands around the base of something wrapped in plastic.

 

"You can peek now."

  
I crack first one, then the other eye, and gasp. In my hands I hold the most beautiful bouquet of roses I've ever seen. There are so many I can't count them. That is not what makes them so special. I am cliche in my love of roses. It's my choice of color that makes people look at me weird. I have a passion for the darker things in life, so why not desire a flower just as dark. I have found it hard to find the ones I want as most shops only carry the bright and colorful roses. Any that would cater to my taste cost more then I'm willing to pay for a flower that'll die too soon. Dominic managed to get me what I've always wanted. _But how did he know? I never said anything to him about liking these_.

  
That is the truth on so many levels. Only one person did I ever tell and they were dead before I even met Dominic. Yet, he somehow knew that I would love this arrangement of black roses mixed with a handful of rare 'Bluegirl Tea' roses. They are so rare, that few florists know what I'm talking about. I bury my nose into the bouquet and breath in the sweet scent. They smell better than any other rose I've ever smelled. I'm instantly filled with . . . . _What am I feeling? This is so new to me. Yet. ._ . I shrug away the questions and gaze up at Dominic. He hasn't moved since I opened my eyes. A big smile is spread across his face, showing the barest glimpse of his teeth. He looks happy and a bit. . . weary? _Why weary? Oh, right. Last time he tried to give you something nice you threw it back at him and told him you're not a whore to be bought._

  
My own smile softens as I try to think of the right words to make it clear that I love this gift. None seem to cover it instantly, so I go with the first words that came to mind when I opened my eyes.

  
"They are beautiful. I love them. Thank you, Dominic." On impulse I lean forward and give him a quick kiss. He wasn't expecting that as his eyes widen. Before he can react I get up and run to the kitchen, trying not to drop my gift. Finding a vase big enough to hold all the roses is hard work, even more so while holding them. I refuse to put them down, not wanting to bruise any. Dominic spares me from my dilemma by presenting a brand new vase as he walks into the kitchen.

  
I smile gratefully at his foresight and start the process of putting the roses in the vase. Most people would just take off the plastic and drop the bunch in water. I know that if you want cut flowers to last longer, then you have to put in a little more work. There is a reason they give the packs of flower food with each purchase. I struggle to not drop any as I re-cut the ends, but Dominic comes to my aid again and takes one at a time out of my arms, holding it out to be cut and placing each one in the vase carefully. We say nothing to eachother as the bouquet shifts from my arms to the vase.

  
Dominic carefully arranges the roses as he places them in the vase while I watch. He makes sure that the black ones stay near the outside and in between the blues so they don't touch. It's the same way I would have placed them had I been doing this alone. _How does he go from being such an ass to knowing exactly what to do every time?_ Asking outright would break our comfortable companionship and, though I may have been mad at him yesterday, I don't want to start a fight when there is no need. I'll save it for a time we are already fighting.

  
The last rose is placed with the rest and Dominic stands back to let me assess his handy work. I watched the whole time and didn't see any fault in his placements, but moved to examine them anyway. Caressing a few roses, I blush, thinking of the thoughtfulness of such a grand gesture. Moving the vase farther onto the table I turn to face Dominic directly, suddenly not knowing what to do with my hands. _This is the first time that I've been in a room with him and not fighting or doing something to keep busy._

  
The realization makes me scoff. Dominic's brows furrow in confusion. I don't want to explain so I shake my head and step closer to him. Placing my hands on his chest seems safe while I look up into his eyes. Without prompt, he places his hands gently on my waist.

  
"They are amazing. I've never received a nicer gift unasked for. I would never ask anyone for so much. The fact that you knew just what kind are my favorite and got them for me. . . . I don't have enough words to express how it makes me feel. Thank you so much." My face is red and my body is shaking from nerves, but Dominic does not show he notices.

  
"I told you before and I'll tell you more. You are My Goddess. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy."

  
Looking into his eyes as I am, I can feel the truth behind every word. He had said the same thing to me many months ago and I had not believed him then. There is no doubt in my mind, now, that he meant it then as he does in this moment. I ignore the feeling that there are words that are supposed to follow that declaration. Words that he just hasn't said yet.

  
My shaking stops, but I can't find the will to step out of his arms. If I were to take a step back, I've no doubt he would let me go. _I don't want him to let me go_.

  
My hands move up Dominic's chest to slide into hair that flows over my fingers. I press against him as I rise on my toes to bring myself closer to his face. I'm just not tall enough to bridge the difference on my own. Dominic closes the gap and brings his lips over mine, lifting me up slightly to ease the strain on both our necks.

  
The night in the alley flickers through my mind for a brief second. So briefly, I pay it no mind as I lift my legs to wrap around Dominic's waist, my hands sinking deeper into his hair while I press my lips harder against his. A low growl emanates from him. Wrapped as I am I can feel the vibrations through my entire body. I moan in response. The hands holding me shift. One moving higher and pressing me tighter against him. The other goes lower to cup under my bottom. My shirt has risen, exposing my bare flesh, and the feeling of his hand so close to my most intimate parts makes me moan again. Dominic stills his hand and draws his lips away. I try to pull his head back, but he won't let me.

  
"Oh, Goddess. Are you not wearing underwear?" His voice is strained and his eyes are closed as if in pain.

  
It takes a moment to grasp his question. Then understanding dawns. "No. . . I took a bath before I fell asleep."

  
Dominic drops his head to my shoulder as a shudder runs through his body. The sensations it sends make me close my eyes and my next breath catch in my throat.

  
"Goddess? Please tell me you want to stop. Please tell me now so I can put you down and not give in to this desire to fuck you senseless."

His words are slightly muffled, but I understand him clearly. The thought of him putting me down and walking away is unappealing.

  
"No. I want you. I want you in me. Tonight, I want to have you in my bed." I feel so sure of this fact, my voice is steady. I can't understand why I feel this way so suddenly and I don't care. I just know that fighting this desire is not an option tonight.

  
He lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. I don't blink or look away, staring right back into his, trying to convey the honesty of my words as I nod consent. Dominic believes me and his grip tightens as he turns us, heading for my bedroom. Neither of us speak as he flicks the switch to illuminate my most personal space.

  
Dominic knows this room as well as I do, having helped me paint and set everything up. He's spent many nights here with me, chasing away the nightmares. But this is the first time I've openly invited him in. This is the first time I've had anyone in here for the intent of sex. I don't feel any nervousness as he sets me on my bed and starts undressing. I can't rip my gaze from him as his shirt is lifted over his head. I've ran my hands over his abs and pecks many times over the last year. This is the first time I've seen them bare. _I wonder if they taste as delicious as they look._

  
I watch as his hands reach for the button of his jeans then hesitate. I look up to see Dominic watching my face. I blush and bite my lip as I try to figure out what he's looking for. He must find it as a small smile lifts his lips and he returns to removing his pants. I look back down to see his erection fighting to escape silky blue boxers. I'm tempted to reach out and free it for him as he steps out of the jeans. I take in a shaky breath to steady myself. _He calls me Goddess. If I'm a goddess then what does that make him?_

  
My attention is brought back as he slides his hands into the waistband of his boxers. I can't hold myself in check anymore. I rise from the bed and step up to Dominic, placing my hands over his. He searches my face for a sign that I changed my mind. I lock my eyes with his as I move his hands away and place my own where his were. The tension in him eases as I lower his boxers for him, never breaking eye contact. I feel the silk brush my feet as it hits the floor. Only then do I step back and look down. A clenching in my lower abdomen almost makes my legs give out. I keep upright as I return my gaze back to his face. I smile my approval. He has nothing to ever be ashamed of.

  
Now it's my turn to undress. My hands grab the edge of my shirt and I start to lift it, intending to pull it off fast. Dominic stops me like I did him. We don't seem to need words as I let him take the hem and raise it over my head. Once I'm free of the garment I turn my face away and close my eyes, feeling self-conscience over my own body. I've never felt comfortable in my bare skin with all the extra weight I carry. A finger directs my face forward. I try, and fail, to hide the panic and fear in my eyes as I open them. He doesn't ask me to explain and, really, I don't need to as I've voiced my insecurities about my body many times.

  
Dominic hunches down to look me directly in the eyes. Leaning in he gives me a soft kiss. I melt into it and have to grab his arms as my legs finally give. He catches me and makes sure I'm not going to drop. The vampire never looks away from my face while I regain my leg use. Pulling out as much confidence as I can I straighten my spine, bob my head once to let him know I'm ok and watch while his eyes roam over my naked body. Heat lights up my cheeks as his gaze returns to mine. The dark hunger in them damn near takes my legs out, again.  
He steps closer and runs his hands along my waist, moving them towards my back and down to cup my butt before rubbing along the back of my thighs then around to the front of them. The caress travels up and over my stomach pooch without hesitation, moving up until his hands are under my breasts. Instead of cupping them, like all my other lovers did, his exploring hands part to either side of my chest, roam up to my neck, then back down along my prominent sternum. Not once does he focus on my breasts, only the flesh around them. _No man has ever touched me in any way close to how this vampire is_. That thought, more than the touch, makes my nipples peak. The smirk I receive lets me know that he knows just what he's doing and has more in store. _Oh_.

  
The feeling of his hands sliding back down my belly and over to my hips makes me shudder. Normally I'm very ticklish. Everything I'm feeling right now does not make me want to laugh. It seems his exploration is in need of different ground as his grip tightens on my hips and gently pushes me back to the bed. I reach behind me and tug the blanket toward the foot of the bed then sit down. I pull my legs up so I can scoot closer to the center. Dominic crawls on and follows me.

  
As he reaches for me again I stop his hand mid-motion. Dominic raises a brow, but follows my gentle push for him to lay down on his back as I kneel beside him. I'm not be as timid as he was with me. I lean down and kiss the vampire. It's just as gentle as the one he gave me earlier. Just as brief. My next kiss I aim a little to the side of his mouth. I place my hands on his shoulders as I my next kiss lands on his jaw. I work my hands a little lower and kiss his neck, nipping him as he had when he woke me up. I giggle when he jumps at the sudden feeling of teeth.

  
"No bitey. . . Unless you want to stop the foreplay."

  
I don't answer, choosing to lick the bit as way of reply. I new thrill goes through me when he shudders. Liking the effect I'm having on my vampire I continue kissing and licking my way down one side of his body, feeling every curve of every muscle along his torso. He is delicious. As I near his groin I take care to run my hands over the tops and sides of his thighs. With my lips pressed to the space beneath his belly button I look over to see him fully erect. _I think it's time to take pity on the poor vamp_. I kiss my way up the other side of Dominic's body, shifting myself a little with every kiss, until I'm back by his neck. By now I'm half laying on him, my one leg draped over his hips.   
Lifting my head up to whisper into his ear I ask, "What is that you said about biting?"

  
Not catching on, he replies, "Only do so if you want to stop-"

  
I bite down on his neck while simultaneously moving to straddle him. The shudder that racks his body is intense. Hands grip my hips with enough force to bruise, but I don't mind as I lift my face from his neck. An evil grin on my lips. His eyes are closed as he tries to regain some control.

  
"Fair enough. I'm tired of foreplay anyways." I say as I place one hand on his shoulder and the other reaches between us and wraps around his erection. Dominic's eyes fly open. They are so dark I could fall into their depths and drown. I guide him to my center and wait. His grip loosens and shifts to my waist. It's my turn to shudder as I fill myself with the man beneath me. I pause again to let my body relax. Then I start moving slow, at first, as we find our sync. It doesn't take long and soon I'm screaming out my pleasure. His hands keep me moving and helps me ride my way into a second orgasm. My body arches backwards and I dig my nails into the sides of Dominic's abs as a soundless scream tears from me.

  
I don't get more than a second to recover before Dominic flips us so he is on top. He holds my left leg high against his waist as he pounds into me, his other hand is buried in my hair while he kisses me with as much aggression as he's fucking me. My fingers claw along his biceps as yet another orgasm runs through me and he draws it out by not stopping or slowing. I break my mouth free to moan out with what little air I can get back into my lungs.

  
With a grunt, Dominic pounds into me one last time and sinks his fangs into my neck. My back arches off the bed as far as his body will allow, as he feeds off me. When he draws his head away my body collapses back down. My breathing is labored, every nerve from head to toe is tingling, and I can't find the energy to open my eyes. Yet, somehow, I find the energy to laugh.

  
Dominic growls over me. A rumble rolls down his body and into mine where we are still connected, cutting off my laughter and turning it into another moan.

  
"That's better."

  
"I---I--I wasn't--laughing---at you." My words are broken by the spasms racking my body from orgasm aftershock.

  
"I know. I just prefer to hear you moan." With that he rolls off me.

  
Still not able to open my eyes, I lay waiting for the aftershock to subside. _I haven't had sex this good in ages. Why the hell did I wait so long to let him fuck me? If he does it this good every time, a girl could get_ _addicted._

  
"Can you sit up yet?" Dominic asks from somewhere to my right.

  
I nod in reply to the question, but keep where I am. Seeing me not making a move to do as I implied I could, he takes it upon himself to move me into a more upright position.

  
"Here, drink this." I feel a glass pressed lightly to my lips open my mouth to drink as he slowly pours in water. I didn't realize how thirsty I am until the first drops move down my throat. I crack my eyes open enough to see the glass so I take it from Dominic, and quickly finish the rest. Dominic takes the empty glass back, refills it from a pitcher, and hands it back to me. After finishing the second glass I feel much better.

  
"Thank you. I didn't know I was that dehydrated."

  
"I could tell, that's why I grabbed the pitcher." At my puzzled look he points to my neck then his fangs.

  
I blush and reach for the spot he bit me. There is a slight tenderness and I know there will be a hickey mark, if there isn't already.

  
A look of concern takes over Dominic's face. He reaches out and brushes his fingers over the same area I just felt. His light touch sends a shiver through me. I'm so lost in the sensation that I almost don't register Dominic talking to me.

  
"Are you all right? I didn't ask permission this time. Does it hurt?"

  
"Ah, no. I'm good. It's ok. I don't mind, really. I just didn't think about how you can taste my health through my blood. I was so caught up, the thought never crossed my mind." When he doesn't looked convinced I place a hand over the one still by my neck. "Really, Dominic, I liked it. I liked everything." I wave my hand to encompass the bed.

  
He stares at me silently for a minute. His usual smile slides back into place as he leans in to kiss me."Good. I aim to please."

  
It's apparent that he intends this kiss to be chaste, but as his lips meet mine, my hand reaches up of it's own violation to deepen it.

  
After all that we just did, after all the flirting and oh-so-close moments we've had over the last year, after finally giving into the passion between us, I want more. More of this vampire that has turned my life into a fantasy. More of the ecstasy of sex with him. More of his words of devotion, even if I don't believe them, because they make me feel desired. After all this time of returning every night and seeing me at my lows and facing my anger. After almost getting killed by me, repeatedly, the fool still calls me Goddess. I don't really know what I expect to happen the rest of this night. Maybe more sex? Maybe a long cuddle with soft touching? Maybe just more passionate kissing? All this passes through my head in a few seconds. Just before I feel him tense under my hand.

  
I've been here in the past. I don't need him to say anything. I let go and sit back, trying to hide the hurt feeling that he is rejecting me so soon after we had sex. _What do you expect? He got what he wanted. No one wants you after they get what they want._

  
I seem to fail at hiding my dejection by the concerned look on Dominic's face, so I look down at my lap. Seeing myself naked makes me feel too exposed. I wrap one arm over my chest as I lean to grab the blanket from where we shoved it earlier, but Dominic grabs my arm and stops me.

  
"Goddess. . . . _Goddess_. Adriena, look at me!" His commanding tone brings my gaze to his face. I focus on his forehead, not wanting to look him in the eye. "Tell me what's going through that head of your's."

  
I shake said head. Not wanting to voice my fears.

  
"Is it because I stiffened?"

  
I look down again, resisting the urge to draw my legs up to my chest to further hide my nakedness.

  
"Oh, My Sweet Goddess. My Adriena." The way he says my name sends a shiver through me. It's filled with longing.

  
_But he's already rejected you. He got what he wanted. What more can he want from you?_

  
Dominic climbs back in the bed besides me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me close. I don't pull away as I want to, but I don't lean into his touch either.

  
"Adriena, I wasn't rejecting you. I would never reject you."

  
I still won't respond.

  
"Goddess," he cups my head to look at him, "you are my everything. I don't want to hurt you. I just fucked you so hard you couldn't move. Do you even realize how tender you are right now?"

  
I frown as I think over his words. The after-bliss, and now the numbing feeling of being unwanted, makes it hard to take stock of my bodies aches. The only reason I noticed my neck was because it was pointed out. Now, I mentally chart every pain, from my head down.

  
_Neck, sore on the side from the bite and along my spine from throwing my head back too hard. Back, spine from arching it to much. Hips, from Dominic grabbing on tightly and from being on top. Right leg, once again Dominic. Groin. . ._ .

  
I shift and feel a slight discomfort that fades quickly. I shift again and the same feeling returns to disappear again.

  
_Has it really been that long since I've had ruff sex that I forgot what the aftermath is like? How the hell is it a vampire is more perceptive than me?_

  
Dominic, the ever patient man that he is, waits as I have my mental struggle. Once it hits me that I'm being dumb I relax into his arms. He lets out a sigh and starts stroking my hair.

  
"Sorry I'm such a dumbass." I mutter as I wrap my arm around him.

  
"You're not a dumbass. You've just been neglected and tried to be human to get affection. You are not human. You are a goddess. My goddess. Goddess Adriena."

  
The petting and soft words make me drowsy. _Goddess Adriena. He's never called me that before. I think I like that. I like being His goddess._ "I can be _your_ goddess. No one living deserves to call me that. Only you. My Dominic. My Tzimisce."

 


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Busted Twins

**_"He's not good enough for you."_ **

  
**_"You don't think anyone is good enough for me."_ **

  
**_"Only the ones you let walk all over you."_ **

  
**_"He doesn't walk all over me."_ **

  
**_"Oh, yes he does. He walks all over you like you're family does. You don't see it because it's what you're used to. That ain't right. He's not right for taking advantage of you_  ** ** _any more than they are right for making you feel like less than you are."_**

**_"Oh? And what am I?"_ **

  
**_"Girl, you are a goddess. Don't give me that look. I know what I'm talking about."_ **

  
**_"I may concede to princess or queen. But I hardly think of myself as a goddess."_ **

  
**_"Ha! I've met royalty. You are better then they were born and raised to be. You care because you want to care. They care cuz they have to."_ **

  
**_"Why not an angel then. They look out for people all the time."_ **

  
**_"Angels fall. You are too good to fall. Your will won't allow it. Besides everyone has an angel. You are unique. It should take a special someone to earn the grace of a_ ** **_goddess."_ **

  
**_"I'm not-"_ **

  
**_"Don't argue with me child. I say you are a goddess."_ **

  
**_"Ok, I'll be your goddess."_ **

 

**_"My goddess? Ha! No, not mine. Someone's, one day. I had my goddess and she left me to return to her throne. I'll see her again, mark my word. That's how I know your one. My Goddess showed me what to look for. That's how I found you."_ **

  
**_"And how do you find a god?"_ **

  
**_"You don't find gods. Goddesses make them. It is by their grace that any man will ever be a god."_ **

  
**_"Does that make you a god?"_ **

  
**_"Cheeky child. I was a god. I was a god for My Goddess. But, when she went away she took her power back and made me a mortal man again. When she comes for me she'll make me a god again and we'll live together forever."_ **

  
**_"Well then, as a goddess speaking to a former god, I must ask you. . . . Where can I get some Bluegirl Tea roses?"_ **

  
_**"Ah, Goddess, you know rare beauty-". . . . . . . .** _

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

  
"Shut the fuck up." I groan.

  
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

  
"I'm up I'm up." I lift my head to find the alarm clock making the awful sound. Seeing it on the far side of my nightstand, just out of easy reach, makes me groan. "Damn it Dominic. Why do you do this to me?"

  
Saying his name has me instantly alert. I shoot up and look around frantically as last night comes flooding back to me.

  
_Oh my stars! Did I really have sex with Dominic? Did I tell him I'd be HIS goddess? . . . . Did he really make me orgasm that many times?_ I look down at my body and find light bruises on both my hips. One thigh has a few as well. Feeling my neck, I find the same tenderness I felt last night. A smile of smug bliss takes over my face. _Yeah. He is good at what he does._

  
My body protests as I get off the bed. I'm tight in so many areas from last night's workout. Except for Dominic, I've not had sex in years. Not even self pleasure. Until the night with my vampire I was too depressed to want sex. After that fateful night. . . . You regained the desire. _You just didn't want to acknowledge it. Even with him around every night, you didn't want to give in._

  
Giving into feelings is a constant fight for me. I never know which ones to trust. Sticking to the safe ones, like pretending to be happy, even when I'm not, is what has kept me sane. Ish.

  
Deciding to not let myself think too hard on the matter, I turn off the still beeping alarm and head to the bathroom. As I wash my hands I can't resist the urge to look in the mirror. Oh my. There's a slight shadow under my eyes and the snarls in my hair have returned in full force. The bite mark looks more like a hickey and is as large as I expected. What I'm not expecting is the glow on my face. Even my eyes shine with renewed brightness. _It's gonna be hard to hide this look of 'fucked well.'_

  
Not that I care if others see the hickey or can tell that I got mine. I don't even find it offensive for people to talk about their sex lives, or lack thereof. It's the questions of my mystery lover that is going to make this awkward. Despite everything, I still want to keep him a secret as long as possible. Making up my mind to take things one step at a time, I prepare myself for work.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Resting my head on the steering wheel, I take deep breaths, trying to calm my nerves. Driving scares the hell out of me. Year after year I found excuses to not drive. Cars are too expensive. Insurance is pricey. Getting my licence will be pointless unless I can get a car. The bus works fine and I don't mind walking/biking. People drive like ass holes. There is truth behind every line. The deeper truth has more to do with not liking to be in enclosed spaces. Sitting in the passenger seat guaranties someone is with me. Not alone means safe. I like being safe. I hate being alone. Even when I just want to be alone.

  
A mix of Ella, Dominic and a job promotion got me to cave and get behind the wheel more often then I'd like. Sure, when I don't work I don't drive. It's Hell on days I have to, though. It's a good thing I've made it a habit to arrive early for work as I try to regain my composure in the store parking where I work.

  
A soft knock on the passenger window makes me jump. Looking over I see it's one of my co-workers, Jolene. I don't even care that she sees me visibly relax in my seat. She waits until I hit the unlock button and climbs in.

  
"Every time you jump I feel a little bad. Why the hell do you drive if you can't stand it?" She asks.

  
"I love to put myself through torture." I reply as I put my head back on the wheel.

  
"Daily panic attacks are not good for our boss." Her referral to my more recent role as deli manager makes my pulse race again. It still surprises me that the higher-ups are willing to look past all my antics and have me in charge of an entire department. Not that I'm not good at what I do or can't handle the responsibility. More for the fact that there were others that wanted the position and have been here longer. Most of them had such hard feelings about it they walked out. I filled their shoes in a month.

  
I turn to glare at the woman sitting besides me, hoping she'll drop the unwanted topic. Jolene pays me no heed as she lights up a cigarette and offers me one. I take one with a sigh and light it up. I crack both our windows to keep from hot boxing the car, waiting for the nicotine to do what it does best. Calm me down.

  
We sit smoking in silence. Jolene is one of the few that worked with me prier to the promotion and didn't care that I got it. She never wants it and hated the dumbass that we previously had in charge. She still sees me as the same person, and obeys me just as well. We may never be social outside of work, each of us having lives that take up our free time, but we always talk about our outside life and give advice when we can. Sitting in my car and smoking has become a routine for us. Whether we work the same shift or our hours cross slightly, we always seem to find the time to sit and smoke one together. It's the only time I smoke anymore. The quiet is comfortable, until she has to open her mouth to press an old argument.

  
"Seriously though. You're gonna have a panic attack while driving and end up hurtin' someone. If not just yourself."

  
I exhale. A cloud of smoke exiting my window as I reply. "Jolene, I know your heart is in the right place. I can't go into details of the why, but driving is a form of therapy for me. I've been through worse. If I ever get in an accident due to a panic attack you can be the one to come say 'told you so.' Ok?"

  
Jolene and I lock gazes as she thinks over what I said. Then, thrusting out a hand she says, "Deal."

  
"Deal." I shake her hand.

  
We finish our smokes and head in.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Jolene and I walk in to start our shifts together. It doesn't happen often and her shift can't be as long as mine, but when it does I enjoy her company while working the most.  
Working retail is not for everyone. Most people can't stand the ass holes that come through. Some have a hard time dealing with bosses, others don't like the way hours jump, and there are always those that just don't like work and get pissed because they have to. Most everyone feels they are better then their job position. Thankfully, I haven't gotten that high and mighty. Truth be told, I am happy with my job and glad they never fired me. I know I would of fired me with some of the shit I've pulled over the years. More than a few bosses gave up on yelling, reprimanding and writing me up. _I was such a pain in the ass._ I stopped being such a pain a few months before our old boss got canned and signed up for the role on a whim. Since they took a chance and promoted me, I'm doing everything in my power to prove I'm good at leading. I still think they regret it a little for other hells I put them through, but those have more with making my department better.

  
The deli has to be the hardest department, next to cut meat, in the entire store. I've worked all the others to know. All the running and slicing. Cleaning again and again. Frying and trying not to hurt yourself. All while keeping a smile on your face and talking to people. I love it all. It's even better when staff does their jobs. One of the few things I don't like about being in charge is having to get up early for meetings and other such boring tasks, but I come in and do what I must. I was on second shift for years, preferring the night life to mornings. Now I use a loophole to make it so I don't start until ten so I can work during the crossover from first to second shifts. The staff loves that as none of the previous managers would do half as much as me. They also hate that because I tend to bust them for more, too.

  
As we enter the department I notice the counter is customer free, so I take the free time to see what has been done and what needs to be done before the next rush. I don't make it far when one of the girls calls out to me.

  
"Hey Riena. How was your- THAT IS ONE BIG HICKEY!"

  
I jump and move my hand to cover said hickey before I can stop myself. Jolene looks at me with wide eyes and grabs my arm to bare my neck for inspection.

  
"Wow. That is big." She rubs at the cover-up that failed to hide the mark. "Who gave you that?"

  
"We have work to do ladies. Now is not the time to discuss such matters." I try to sound professional as I move away from Jolene. She has no intent on dropping it as she follows me to a back area where my desk is.

  
"We can work and talk. Not like we have anyone to take care of. Besides, you've been in such a long dry spell, it's nice to see you're finally gettin' some. Right Amber?" She says as the culprit who pointed out my neck walks up to us.

  
"Yeah! We want info. How old is he? How hung is he? Was he that good? . . . Was it a _he_?"

  
The last question makes my face go red. Jolene looks from me to Amber and back.

  
"Weeellll?. . . ." Jolene asks in expectation.

  
"Oh my stars! You two are horrible. Yes. It was a man. Yes, we had sex. No, I don't know exactly how old he is. He looks to be somewhere in his mid-thirties. I will not be telling you how hung he is. . . . It was _really_ good." I know my face lights up as memories of last night come flooding back. Even though I didn't want to answer their prying questions, I find it hard not to. These two have been supportive of me for years. Amber transferred from the front end after I got the promotion just because she wanted to work under me. Us two and Ella had all worked the front together and had gotten into so much trouble together. Jolene has been working deli for years and helped me get back here when I was getting more than a little sick of working front end. I am happy that they've all stuck by me. I just wish that they wouldn't gang up on me at times.

  
"Oh my god! Are you going to see him again? How long have you known him? Are you a couple now? When can we meet him?" Amber bombards me with more questions and Jolene keeps peeking out to make sure no one overhears.

  
"Who is watching the counter?" I try and move past the two women in an attempt to avoid this conversation. Jolene blocks my way.

  
"J.J. and Toby got it." Amber cheerily replies.

  
"Now answer the questions. Before we have to do real work." Jolene won't let me pass so I turn to my desk and lean on the edge.

  
I rub my face as I try to think of the best way to answer them and get away. In truth I hadn't thought about what last night would mean for Dominic and I. I have no doubt that he will come back tonight. He has every night for a year without sex. Them meeting him doesn't seem like a great idea, but I'm not sure if that has more to do with me not wanting to share him or not wanting to explain him. As for if this makes us a couple?. . . . The thought scares me. I have not had a real relationship in years. I don't even know if Dominic would approve of what being in one entails. It's not like he can take me to see his parents and go on long walks on the beach with me. _Be real with yourself. You're not even sure if he has true feelings for you. You're his GODDESS. Worshiping you is different then lo--caring deeply_.

  
My internal struggle only lasts a few seconds. Looking at the two in front of me, I decide half truths are the best I can offer.

  
"Once I answer these questions it's back to work. Deal?"

  
They both look at eachother and silently talk with their eyes. A conclusion is met when they both stick out a hand and simultaneously say, "Deal." I shake both of their hands.

  
I take a deep breath to steady my voice as I answer the last round of questions in a rush.

  
"He's a guy I've been talking to for a year now. It's not been anything serious. He's supposed to be coming over tonight. Last night just kind of happened. I'm not sure what this will make us. We have to talk about it before I say anything more."

  
Amber looks poutie and like she wants to ask more, but the deal was made so she leaves to do whatever it that needs doing. Jolene looks more pensive as she stand staring at me.

  
"We do have work to do." I say, trying to urge her to move.

  
She takes in a deep breath and asks, "You say you've known him for a year?"

  
"Uh, yeah. And our deal was no more questions."

  
"Just confirming information. So a year ago you started 'talking' to this man." She pauses. I feel like there is something I should see coming but am too blind to notice. "I believe it was a year ago that you came in with some mystery bruises. A nice sized hickey, too, if my memory serves."

  
My eyes go wide as I put one and one together. Jolene had been one of the few that seen the marks left by Dominic the first time. Amber was still up front and we didn't have alot of time to chatter until after the marks had faded. _Busted_.

  
Opting to ignore the obvious connection, I walk past Jolene and head out to the main service area, her eyes boring into me the whole time. Thankfully there are people that need service and I still have to make rounds.

  
I spend the rest of my shift keeping busy and as far away from Jolene as I can. She even tries to stick past her shift and catch me on break. I hide in the managers private offices until I'm sure she's gone. Avoiding her will only last until we work together again, tomorrow. _Hopefully by then I will have more of this straightened out._ I don't put much stock in that hope.

  
With all that happened last night and everything that has followed, I haven't bothered to check my phone today. Sitting in my car, preparing to head home, I pull it out and see a few missed calls and texts.

 

12:35 pm El: Girl, we need to talk. I have so much to tell you.

  
1:20 pm El: Um. . . something happened and I need you to call me asap.

  
2:58 pm El: Riena

  
3:18 pm El: Ok. Kiino is gonna kill me. I need you to call me back. It's about THE CLUB.

 

There are a few more asking me to call and text. My stomach is in knots as I ponder what could be the issue. I would rather wait til I get home, but don't want to put it off as I know Ella will just get more frantic as she waits for a reply. Not in the mood to outright talk, I send her a text while I start the car.

 

6:08 pm Ri: Just got out of work. Today was a little crazy. How bad is it? What happened?

  
6:09 pm Ri: I'm driving so don't call.

 

The last I send because she knows I hate driving and talking. It makes me more nervous. Texts I can check at stops. It doesn't take long for a reply. I make the first turn out of the parking lot and hit a red light right away.

 

6:11 pm El: Kiino is really pissed at me. She found out that I kinda snuck you in.

 

_Big surprise there_. The light turns green and I don't have a chance to reply until I'm halfway home.

 

6:20 pm Ri: Tiny isn't going to get fired because of this is he?

 

I know it seems cold to not be worried about my best friend. It's just that I know she will find a way to sweet talk her way out of her part. I don't plan on going back so I'm not worried about myself. Tiny seems like a nice guy and I'd hate for him to lose his job because Ella pulled out her charms. The next text comes in as I pull in front of my house.

 

6:33 pm El: No. Kiino says she won't fire him because of this. But I'm goin to have to do something to make it up. I'm afraid of what she has in mind.

  
6:34 pm Ri: What is she asking you to do. Is it illegal? What the hell is going on?????

 

I feel a small wave of panic rise as I enter my house. Flipping on a few lights as I head to my bedroom, I keep checking my phone every few seconds as I wait for a reply.

  
Despite having the phone in my hand and waiting for it to make a sound, I still jump when it rings.

  
"Ella! What the hell is going on? What is she asking you to do? DO I HAVE TO SEND-" I cut myself off. Catching myself from saying Dominic. Thankfully she doesn't question what I was about to say as she takes the opportunity to start speaking.

  
"Girl! It's not that bad. . . .Well it's bad-but not that bad. She's not going to kick me out or anything like that. Kiino is just gonna make me do something to make up for fucking up. One guy thought is would be funny to smack a waitresses ass once and she made him wait on tables and had everyone smack his ass every time he passed. Punishment fit the crime kinda shit. She's probably gonna have me stand at the door for a night or something like that."

  
"Something like that? How do you not know? Hasn't she told you? And how did she find out? I mean. . . . Start at the begining and explain."

  
"Fiiiinne. Ok, so you know how we get the whole nickname after one night thing?"

  
". . . .Yeeeeaaaaahhhhh." I cringe a little at the thought. I don't think I did anything to earn a nickname. I don't plan on going back anyway, so it doesn't matter what they want to call me.

  
"Kiino explained how they keep track of that kinda stuff, right?"

  
"Um yeah. The whole thing with your picture and stuff?" I can't remember all the details. I'm getting too impatient waiting for Ella to get to the point.

  
"Well, Kiino went to look up your name. But she didn't know how to spell it. So then she texted me and asked me how. I told her. She couldn't find you in the system. So she looked over the camera's to catch the time stamp. . . . "

  
_Uh-oh_. "Go on. . ." I already know, but she has to finish the tale.

  
"She kinda seen that you didn't get checked in. She's not mad at you, or anything! Just me and Tiny."

  
"Ok. I don't see what this has to do with me, beyond being the source of your trouble."

  
"Giiiirrrll." The way Ella says 'girl' is like I should know more than I do. "You don't understand. Kiino is _soooooooo_ mad at me. She won't let me come back to THE CLUB until I make up for it."

  
"I thought you said she didn't tell you what she wants you to do. Are you refusing to take the punishment?"

  
"No. Well, she kinda told me what she want's me to do. Like half of what I have to do to make up for it." She pauses. She only does this when she's about to say something she know's I'm not going to like. "In order for me to even be allowed back. . . . I have to bring you back to the club." The last comes out in a rush.

  
"Ok. . . . And what do I get out of it?"

  
" _Riena_. Come on. Don't be like that. You said you had a good time. I don't want to be exiled from there because of one mistake." She pleads. I hate it when she pleads. I hate it because I have a soft heart and I don't want her to be unhappy. Part of me wants to cave and have her meet me right away so we can get this taken care of before it gets too much later. Part of me wants her to suffer. The part that wants to make her happy is winning that war but a more logical side points out the flaws. _If you give in then she won't want to come back right away. That will mean another long night out and you have to work tomorrow_.

  
Not wanting to sound cold I opt for finding another option. "Why can't she just meet us somewhere here in town and we do this. She lives in town doesn't she?"

  
"Yeah, but she doesn't want to. Something about that not being the point and that if I hadn't been such a pain in the first place then she wouldn't be making me do it this way. I wasn't being a pain. I just wanted to get you in fast so we could enjoy the night."

  
"You made her have to look at security cameras to find out when I came in just to see that I didn't flash my i.d., which got Tiny in trouble and you don't think that was being a pain in the ass?"

  
Ella sighs into her phone. I can tell she wasn't expecting me to take Kiino's side. Sometimes she over estimates my desire to keep her happy. Logic is a coldhearted beast.

  
"El? Can you argue the point?"

  
". . . No. Does this mean that you won't come back with me?" She sounds disappointed.

  
"I didn't say I won't go back.-"

  
"YESSS!!!!"

  
"-But I have to work for the next several days so it won't be tonight or any for at least a week."

  
"A WEEK! I don't want to stay away for a week. We can go up real fast and I'll have you back by midnight." _Like you ever have me back on time. Once you have me you don't want to part_.

  
"I can still refuse. Besides a week will do you good. I might be tempted to go up sooner if you tell me what the nickname for me is." I fear what it may be and depending on what it is could make up my mind on how soon I go back for Ella.

  
"Nice try, Girlie. She won't tell me. . . .I already asked. She said it would be more of an incentive to bring you back."

  
It's my turn to sigh. _We think alike. Too bad Kiino is smarter then us_.

  
"You still there?"

  
"Yeah, I'm here. I do have to work and don't have time until next week. I'll let you know when I'm free and we can go then. Ok?"

  
"Oooookaaaay. But you better let me know as soon as you do. I really want to go back."

  
I hear the front door open and close. Not wanting Ella to hear Dominic, I talk a little louder so he doesn't say anything. "Hey, El? I have some things I have to get to so I'll text you later. Bye."

  
I don't wait to hear her say bye. Ending the call, I walk out to face the vampire that rocked my world less than 12 hours ago.

 


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still can't believe this is true

_Just the last 12 hours? Ha! This man has been rocking my world since he walked into it._ I look into the living room where I usually find Dominic. I'm a bit startled to not see him. A sound in the kitchen makes me turn to find him adjusting some of the roses. Smiling, I take the time to watch him.

  
Never in all the time he has been coming over have I taken the time to really study Dominic's body. His face has been ingrained in my mind's eye since that first night. I spent so much time fighting my desires that the only time I took stock of his form was in preparation of another fight. Now, I really look at him and admire every inch of the vampire.

  
Always wearing a black shirt that fits him tightly, I see back muscles I have raked my fingers over time and again. The shirt is tucked into dark blue jeans that hug his rear in a way that even Adonis couldn't quit pull off. Like they were made for this man and no one else. They sit just low enough on his hips to beg being pulled down. He looks like one of the models they use on t.v. that can move every which way and the jeans never ride or slip. Even the hem stays near his ankles. Having respect for my house, he takes off his shoes by the front door. Dominic, seeming to not like to wear socks, stands barefoot. If I had a foot fetish then I would find his feet just as sexy as the rest of him. _Feet should never seem sexy, but somehow he makes it so_.

  
Long fingers on large hands carefully move each rose. The way he touches them is as if they are made of the most delicate glass. I feel as though I'm watching an artist sculpt as he adds the finest details. A soft feeling washes over me and damn near makes me melt. Knowing that he knows I'm standing watching him, and having a strong urge to be closer, makes me walk into the room to examine the roses with him.

  
"They are beautiful beyond words." I say to break the silence.

  
"Goddess, you are beautiful beyond words. These flowers pale compared to you." Is his quiet reply.

  
I look up and see Dominic giving me a look as soft as his words. Heat fills me, making me blush. Embarrassed by such a compliment, I turn to smell the roses. As I draw my face closer to the bouquet, one stands out more than the others. In the very center, one rose has both black and light blue petals. Reaching out I brush my fingers over it and feel the slight cold of metal. I look back at Dominic, my question clear on my face.

  
"My Goddess. Each of these roses will wilt and decay. The petals will fall and the stems will droop." Reaching out he caresses the metal rose my hand still touches. "This rose will do none of those things. It represents both the darkness and the light that surrounds us. No matter what color the rose you put beside it, nor what flower you try to hide it behind, this one will stand out. Just as you do, My Adriena."

  
Dominic takes my outstretched hand and brings it to his lips. I think he is going to kiss my knuckles like Moneybags did, but last second he turns my hand over and places a gentle kiss on the tender flesh of my wrist. Our eyes are locked the whole time, making the moment more intimate then it should of been. _Really? Had he done the same thing with your back to him and your eyes closed, would you feel less ready to jump his bones again?_

  
Every nerve in my body stands at attention as I turn to face Dominic. Using my free hand, I draw his lips from my wrist and stand on tippy toe to press my mouth to his. Whereas last night there was much hesitation and uncertainty, tonight we throw all caution to the wind.

  
Our hands yank at eachothers clothes as we move down the hall to my bedroom. It's a bit of a struggle as we try to keep kissing and touching between each piece successfully removed. I get pushed against a wall as Dominic sucks on my neck and grabs my ass. I feel his arms tense in preparation to lift me. Not wanting to be lifted this time, I quickly place my hands against his chest and push him away. Hard. Shock and confusion keeps him from stopping himself from hitting the opposite wall.

  
_You're gonna have to work a little harder to get me this time_. I lock eyes with Dominic for a brief second, an evil smirk and mischief in my gaze as I cock a brow at him before turning to run the rest of the way to my room.

  
A growl echos down the hall as I reach the doorway. I get one foot across the threshold when arms wrap around my torso and propel me forward. Thankfully my bed is just a few feet from the door. I land face first on the bed, arms stretched above me, my lower half mostly off, and pinned down by the body on top of me. Our landing has left my legs slightly parted in which he stands between. I lift my head, drawing my arms back, when Dominic bites the spot where my neck and shoulder meet. He doesn't draw blood, but the sensation is enough to make me freeze and then shudder in pleasure.

  
Releasing his toothy grip, he licks at the the spot and nips a little lower just to lick away the slight pain again. He keeps moving along my neck, nipping and licking his way from one side to the other. My breath catches with every nip and a shiver runs through me with each lick. So caught up in what his mouth is doing I don't feel his hand moving down until his fingers slide along my slit. I try to arch as he strokes my clit, but his body has mine too well pinned. _Oh. . . It's. . . . sooooo. . . . .Damn! Fuck! Fuck Fuck FUCK!_

  
My head thrashes as I try to escape the building pleasure. My hands yank the bed sheet from the farthest corners. Dominic bites me hard over my other shoulder. The feeling of his teeth pressing into my flesh makes me still instantly. My eyes try rolling back into my head as a mini orgasm curls my toes.

  
Lifting his head from my neck and ceasing the strokes, Dominic whispers in my ear. "Do you want me?"

  
I struggle to find enough breath to reply, ". . . yes."

  
"Do you want me in you?"

  
"Y-yes."

  
"Do you want me in you like this?" He slips first one then another finger into my moist opening. Pushing deep once and drawing out until just the tips are still in.

  
"Oh fuck! Don't tease m-me."

  
"Tell me what you want, then." Pushing back in his digits, he finger fucks me as I writhe beneath him. Moving his hand slowly in and out.

  
"Dominic! P-please. . . ."

  
"Please what?"

  
It's so hard to think. _I want more. I need more. I need him in me. Now. Oh stars! Why can't he-_ Another small orgasm makes me whimper.

  
"Is this enough for you, Goddess?" He asks as he keeps moving his fingers in and out of me as I clench around them.

  
". . N- . . . no"

  
"What more do you want?"

  
"Y-you. . . "

  
"You have me."

  
"No enough."

  
"How much of me do you want?"

  
"All of you."

  
"You have all of me."

  
"Not- not like. . . .I want." Words are hard to form as another orgasm builds.

  
"Tell me, My Goddess, how do you want me?"

  
I take in a deep breath and let the first words that come to mind fly out with the exhale. "I want your dick in me and to be fucked so hard I can't stand!"

  
Dominic's hand stops, fingers half inside me. Nuzzling my ear he says, "As you wish."

  
The way he said that makes me think it holds some deeper meaning I should know, but I don't have time to ponder why as he draws his hand from between us and uses it to guide his erection to where his fingers just were. I barely have any warning before he slams into me, sliding in so smoothly with all the coming I've already done. When his tip hits my deepest depth I cry out my pleasure. He doesn't stay still long, drawing out fast to pound back in. He lifts his body so it's no longer laying across mine and I start to lift myself up so I can push back into his thrusts. A hand presses into the base of my neck, pushing me back down as he slams into me again.

  
The bed moves under us and my legs shift, dropping my hips into a lower position. Dominic uses his free hand to move my hips back to where they were and holds them in place as he continues his assault on my cervix. My nails dig into the sheet, making small rips, while I scream out. Begging for more. Begging him to stop. Begging for harder.

  
Another long scream rips from my lungs as I climax the hardest tonight. Dominic slams into me a few more times before pulling out and sitting on the bed besides me.  
I lay panting as he rubs my back to ease the tightened muscles that are trying to lock up. _Hell, even after sex he makes sure I don't end up too fucked up_. I giggle at the unintentional pun in my head. It starts turning into a full fledged laugh when a sharp smack to my ass cuts it off.

  
"OUCH! What the hell was that for?"

  
"I don't like that you find something funny after sex with me." Dominic's look is dark.

  
"Is that your pride peeking through?" I tease.

  
He swats my ass again, this time the other cheek, and much lighter. Cocking a brow at me, he rubs the spots his hand landed to ease the sting. I cock a brow back at him, unable to keep a playful smile off my lips even though his rubbing is arousing me again.

  
"Mmmmm. This will not do."

  
"What won't do?" I ask, righting myself to see him without having to look over my shoulder.

  
"This." I yelp as he pulls me into his lap, my legs folded on either side of him. "You can still stand, which means my job isn't done. I promised to fuck you until you couldn't stand."

  
My words from earlier come flooding back, making me blush. "I don't think that counts as a promise."

  
"I swore to do everything in my power to please My Goddess. You made a request that I can fulfill. It would be remiss of me to not do all in my power to make your desire a reality."

  
"Uuummmm. . .There is no need for more. You have done plenty. Besides, the night is still young and I have a few questions to ask, least dawn comes too soon and leaves them unanswered." _This creature has me talking like him. Worse, he has me speaking as if I have more power than him_.

  
Something from my thoughts must have shown across my face because Dominic looks at me hard as he pulls me close and presses his forehead against mine.

  
"My Goddess Adriena," The way he sighs the pet name makes my heart ache, "your hurt must be deep. You do not trust easy. You question every kindness. Your self-worth is overshadowed by doubt. The fire in your soul burns so bright, but you have put up so many walls to keep it burning that no one else can enjoy it's warmth. I can not erase all the pains you have felt, but I can bring you more joy than those pains can amount to."

  
Dominic lifts his head from mine. My breath hitches as I try to hold in my sobs. _How can he see so deeply into the darkness that is my soul? Why does he even want to? I don't deserve him_.

  
Tears I was trying to hold run down my face, leaving a bitter sting in their wake. Dominic cups my head with both his hands and wipes away the tears with his thumbs. I close my eyes, making more tears fall. His lips press against both of my eyes. When my body starts shaking, as if cold, I try to get away from Dominic. _He shouldn't see His goddess like this_.

  
He refuses to let me get up, instead choosing to wrap his arms around me and leaning back on the bed so we lay side by side. I'm tucked in his arms as I cry and he mutters words I don't understand. Some part of me knows what he says I should comprehend. All I hear is static. The only words breaking through are his special ways of calling me his. _His Adriena. His Goddess. His Sweet Goddess_.

  
Those are the only words that keep me grounded as flashes of life prier to him war with now.

 

**_"You too fat to dance like that."_ **

  
**_"Listen to your 'mommy dearest'. Remember what she did to her child."_ **

  
_My Goddess_

  
**_"How dumb can you be? Don't you know anything?"_ **

  
**_"Fat-ass. You ain't hot."_ **

  
**_"Do you really think you look sexy in that?"_ **

  
_. . . My Sweet. . ._

  
**_"You're so stupid. What the hell is the point of sending you to school if you ain't learning anything?"_ **

  
**_"I don't love you. I never did. You were just a piece of ass."_ **

  
**_"You're such a weirdo."_ **

  
**_"What a freak."_ **

  
**_"Did you get dressed in the dark?"_ **

  
_\---Goddess-----_

  
**_"You can't do anything right."_ **

  
**_"Wow! You're a special case of special."_ **

  
**_"You are not my child. Not with skills like that."_ **

  
**_"There's only one way that's right and that's my way. If you don't like it then you can leave. Make sure to take everything you want with you, cuz whatever you leave behind I'm selling."_ **

  
**_"Why can't you just be normal?"_ **

  
**_"What is wrong with you?"_ **

  
**_"You were dropped on your head as a child, weren't you?"_ **

  
_My Sweet Adriena_

  
**_"What a fucked up name."_ **

  
**_"Your mom must hate you. Giving you a name like that."_ **

  
**_"Ugly."_ **

  
**_"Do you know what toidi is. Idiot spelled backwards. That's what you are. A backwards Idiot! Hahahahahaha-"_ **

  
**_"Don't be such a pussy."_ **

  
**_"You're a little Bitch."_ **

  
**_"If you leave then all the animals will have to be put down. I'll be living on the streets. But what will YOU care. You'll be on your own."_ **

  
**_"You think you're grown? You ain't shit."_ **

  
**_"I don't care what you think. I make the rules. Not you."_ **

  
**_"Just do what she says and you won't make her mad."_ **

  
**_"You're fuckin' useless."_ **

  
_\----Goddess Adriena. . . ._

 

_Dominic._

  
"My Sweet Goddess."

  
_My Tzimisce._

  
"I'm here for you."

  
_My Vampire._

  
"I'm yours as long as you want me."

  
_I want you forever._

  
"Then I'll be yours forever."

 

My head starts to clear. Breathing is hard and my body won't stop shaking, but the strong arms around me make me feel safer than I've felt my entire life. A heavy weight in my chest eases as I look into Dominic's face. There is great pain written on his features. A pain I've never seen on them. _He should be smiling. He shouldn't be in pain. I caused this pain. I'm a pain to him like I was to all the others. I should let him go. Why can't I let him go? Why does he care about me? I want him happy. He should be happy. I'll make him happy_.

  
I force myself to stop shaking. Shifting so my face is level with his, I lean forward and kiss My Vampire. He kisses me back. A hand moves through my hair. I press myself closer to My Tzimisce, rubbing myself against him. His hard phallus presses against my thigh. I devour his low groan. Just as I ready myself to climb onto Dominic, he pushes me back against the bed. _I don't mind being on the bottom again_.

  
Raising his head, Dominic gives me a weak smile as he gazes into my eyes. I want to smile back, but I can't make my lips curve.

  
"Adriena. I will do anything in my power to wash away the pain you are covered in. I know what you are hinting at. As much as I would like to give in and take you until you pass out, it would be emotionless and make us both feel used in the morning. That would undo everything good I've tried to build between us. Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"

  
I nod my head. My throat too tight for words.

  
"I need to hear you say you know what I'm telling you."

  
I clear my throat and speak, words a little unsteady. "You don't want to have sex with me. You don't want me."

  
"Oh no, My Sweet Goddess." He presses his forehead to mine again as he takes a deep breath. "I want you. I want you more than you can know. I want to have sex with you so much it's painful. But I don't want to have sex with you while you hurt. Not as a comfort for old wounds. Not when you look at me like I'm a stranger."

  
"Oh." His words make sense. I know they should make me feel better. That I should be happy that he doesn't want to use me like the others. But I don't feel anything. I just can't feel. Numbness I can understand. This is beyond numb. _Maybe you're dying. Dying must be less painful then everything else._

  
"Can you tell me what you are thinking?"

  
"I understand what you're saying. I know you are not trying to use me. I should feel happy about that. I should feel emotions. But I can't. I think I'm dying."

  
Something flicks through Dominic's eyes when I say 'dying.' He sighs and rolls off me and the bed. I don't have the energy to move. There are sounds coming from the other end of the bed, but I can't move my head to look. A few minutes later Dominic lifts me up and places me back on the bed, resting my head on the pillows he righted. After pulling a blanket over me he turns to walk away. My hand darts out and grabs his arm.

  
"Don't leave me to die alone." I beg.

  
His face is blank as he takes my hand from his arm. "I'm grabbing you a glass of water, Goddess. I'll be back in no time." He places my arm back across my body and leaves the room.

  
It seems like an eternity passes by the time Dominic returns. He is carrying a pitcher and cup. Without a word he sets both items on the bedside table and sits next to me and lifts my head.

  
A distant memory of him doing this earlier flashes behind my eyes. _Wasn't that just yesterday? Seems like so long ago_.

  
This time I don't have the will to take the cup from him, preferring to let him pour the water into my mouth and swallowing as needed. I don't feel thirsty or full. The only thing that feels real is Dominic. He stops bringing the cup back to my lips. I watch his hands as he sets the cup next to the pitcher. He shifts away and I whimper. I don't have to say a thing as he lifts the covers and crawls in next to me. I find enough energy to move over to give him room, but as soon as his head is on a pillow I wrap myself around him. _The world I know is fake. Everyone is fake. He is real. The only real thing left to me. He is my reality_.

  
Dominic's arms wrap around me in much the same manner as last night. One hand running through my hair as the other runs up and down my arm that's across his chest.

  
"You are real, aren't you?"

  
"My Adriena, I'm as real as you are."

  
"What if I'm not real? What if I'm just a figment of your imagination and you just cracked? Now I'm fading as you come to terms with your insanity."

  
"Then I will hold on to my insanity and deny any reality out there."

  
"But why? Why would you give up the real world to be insane?"

  
"Because, My Goddess, I don't want to live in a world where you are not real."

  
"I'm broken. Why would you want me in your insane life if I'm broken?"

  
"Being broken doesn't make flawed. You put your pieces back together and wear your scars. Don't try and paint over the scars. Those show the world that you know how to keep being useful when everyone else thought you trash. If I am insane then I have a better grasp on what true worth is then those that claim to be sane."

  
A stirring of emotion tickles my heart. It makes me smile. I close my eyes, wrapped in a reality better than any I could ever dream of.

  
"Dominic?"

  
"Yes, Goddess."

  
"Don't leave me."

  
"I won't leave you."

  
"I mean ever."

  
"As you wish."

 


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Walk to remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to make you aware, this is a dream. The italic bold is speaking out loud while the plain italic is Riena talking to herself. Sorry if it seems confusing. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the others. Raina

**The woods are peaceful. The sun hasn't risen yet and already the birds are starting to chirp. Leaves crunch under my feet as I wander between the trees. Small creatures scatter at the sound of me approaching. A light wind rustles the branches over-head, knocking more dying leaves to the ground. I shiver when the chill breeze seeps under my jacket.** _It's fall, you moron. That means it's getting colder out. Why did you insist on coming out so early when it's cold?_

  
**The answer to that isn't hard. I couldn't sleep. My mother and I had gotten into another argument about me being up all hours of the night. Me working second shift wasn't excuse enough. Her logic is that I should be up in the morning and get shit done early, so after work I can be so tired I go right to bed. That way my moving around in our dinky mobile home doesn't disturb her rest. That may make sense to do if I wasn't such a night owl to begin with.**

  
**Even when I was a child I preferred the night to day. Going to school was always hard in the morning. I slept through most of my morning classes. Yet, my mother thinks that I will suddenly become a morning person because I'm all grown up and have a job. I don't think she understands me at all.**

  
**The fight was so bad that I didn't want to stay confined to my little room the entire night. So, after grabbing a jacket and my smokes, I left the trailer park and set out on a random walk. Not wanting to be near people, I had headed to an area I knew would be deserted that time of night. A mini forest that is only parted by railroad tracks. Tired of exploring the one side of the tracks, I chose to slip between the trees on the other.**

  
**I've lost track of how long ago that was with all the serenity I've found walking alone.** _This side is more peaceful than the other. I can't even hear the random car or dog barking. Wish I could live here forever. I'd make sure no one came to bother me. It'd be my own privet haven._

  
**A rumble in my stomach brings my wishful thinking to an end. As much as I'd like to stay in the woods forever, I don't know how to live off the land.** _Well, with any luck, by the time I get back Mommy Dearest will be leaving for work. I can eat whatever I want and sleep until she comes home._ **That sounds like a good plan as I turn to head back the way I came.**

  
**One thing I forgot to think about was just how far I had let myself get into the woods. Normally I would make small journeys in and make sure to mark a few trees or mentally chart unique growths. When I had started my walk that is exactly what I did, but as my mind wandered, my feet kept going. I look around, trying to find something that looks like I've seen it before.** _What was the last thing I really looked at? How long did I let my mind drift? Did I keep goin' straight or did I change direction a few times?_

  
**I have a bad habit of letting myself get lost. I call it being 'directionally challenged'. Others call it being inattentive and dumb. I'm not inclined to disagree with them at the moment. Still, lost in a mini forest and hungry, I don't let myself panic. I look around one more time and start walking again.** _The woods will end some time. And I'm no stranger to being hungry and sore._

  
**Not wanting dark thoughts to cloud my mind and take away my bliss of being alone, I try to memorize everything I can as I continue walking. Needless to say, it doesn't take long for me to forget again. My mind drifts back to all the beauty and tranquility of the woods.**

  
_A small cottage would be nice. I wouldn't need much. A bed room and bathroom. No outhouse. A living room with a fireplace. It would be open to a small kitchen area. No gas. Oh, and a library. I need a library. I would collect tons and tons of books. Outside there would be a willow tree. I'd put a bench under it so I can sit and read under it's canopy. I'd plant roses around the entire border. They would mark the edge of my property. My own haven. I wouldn't want anyone to know where I live. They would just ruin it, tell me how I should have it. NO! It'd be mine and no one would be welcome._

  
**The toe of my shoe catches on something and I start to fall forward. Luckily, I manage to keep myself standing and look down to see what I tripped over. Something shiny is sticking out of the ground. I start to bend over to unearth it, when I hear something behind me.**

  
**" _A little late for a midnight stroll, isn't it?_ " A gruff voices calls out.**

  
**I look around trying to spot the source.**

  
**" _It is almost dawn, ya know. Or were you thinkin' you could just take me out dat easily._ "**

  
**The voice sounds like an old mans. But whomever this is, he sounds like he doesn't like visitor. And that he has me mistaken for someone he really doesn't like.**

  
_**"Ummm, Mister?"** _

  
_**"Oh, and a polite facade."** _

  
**I still can't see where the voice is coming from. I try to call out again.**

  
**" _Mister, I think you have me confused with someone else."_**

  
**_"Do I, now?"_ A chill runs up my spine.**

  
**I turn slowly to find the old man a few feet behind me. Gray haired, with a wrinkled face and hard look in his eyes. He scowls deeply at me over a cross bow in his hands. My heart races as my mind tells me to run, hide, do something. My body doesn't listen to a single command. I'm frozen in shock.** _This old guy intends to kill me._

  
**I wait for him to pull the trigger. Wait for the impact of the metal arrow to pierce my flesh. Wait for the pain of a slow death if he misses my heart.**

  
**" _I think yu're right, Girl."_**

  
**His voice cracks the silence between us. I jump at the sound. It takes me a moment to realize what he just said. Relief floods my body and I have to catch myself on a tree to keep from falling as the cross bow is lowered.**

  
_**"Well, ain't you a brave little soul. Traveling out in the woods by yur lonesome. At night, no less. Then staring down an old man with a deadly weapon. Are you trying to get yurself killed, Girl?"** _

  
_**". . . . Um . . I-I'm sorry."** _

  
_**"What you sorry for, Girl?"** _

  
_**"Sorry I was trespassing. I just got twisted around and didn't see any signs."** _

  
_**"You wouldn't now, would ya? I don't put up signs. They give too many the notion that they can ignore them and do as they please."** _

  
**My brows furrow as I try to keep up with what the old man is saying. Just then my stomach makes a very pronounced growl.**

  
**_"Child! How long you been wanderin' these woods anyways?"_ He starts walking towards me, cross bow hanging to his side.**

  
**Not knowing the answer and still a bit afraid of the old man I shrug my shoulders once as I take a step back to keep some distance between us.**

  
**This time it is my heel that catches on something. More focused on the man in front of me, I forgot that in my search to find him I had moved my feet several times. In doing so I managed to move around the strange metal peeking out the ground and re-find it with my foot. I'm not able to catch myself this time and land hard on my ass with a huff.**

  
_**"You al'ite there, Girl? Ya need to be careful where ya stepping in a place like this."** _

  
**By now the old man has reached the spot I was just standing. He moves his foot forward and stops mid-step. Looking down he sees the object that caused my fall.**

  
**" _Ahhhh. I see now. Forgot that this thing was here. Sorry 'bout that. Don't come this way much as everyone else likes to come the way less traveled."_ He steps around the offending object and holds out his empty hand in an offer to help me up.**

  
**My shock and embarrassment hide behind pride as I roll away from him and push myself off the dirt and leaves. I ignore the slight pain in my ankle as I brush the debris from my pants. The old man makes no comment as he lifts the cross bow and cups it against his shoulder. He holds it like it weighs nothing. I have lifted one once. I know better.**

  
_**"Caution? I can appreciate that. Yer not as fool-headed as I thought."** _

  
**Bristling at the back-handed compliment I find my voice. _"Better a fool than some bow wielding old coot."_ I instantly regret my words, but stand my ground with hands on ** **hips.**

  
_**"Fire too? I really underestimated you. Sure as hell give Them a run, should They ever have the misfortune to encounter you. Well then, Fool, you say you got twisted? I take that to mean you are lost?"** _

  
**My confusion over who I would make run fades and my face flushes. I hate to admit to a stranger I'm lost, but. . . .**

  
_**"Yeah."** _

  
_**"Don't take it you gonna tell me where you live, are you?"** _

  
_**"Nope."** _

 

**_"Good! Damn smart of you. Not sure if there really is a smart reply to dis next question. Either way you'll be relyin' on the words of a 'bow wielding old coot'. Then again. . . ya could just wanna wander around some more on yu're own an' find a way out later. But then again. . . .ya could jus' end up on my doorstep anyways. What a pickle we both find ourselves in."_ He stops talking and rubs his chin as he thinks over his own words.**

  
**Most of what he was saying sounded as if he was talking to himself out loud, so I didn't bother interrupting. Now that he's stopped, I take the chance to voice my own thoughts.**

  
_**"Well, Old Man, you could just ask the question and hear my reply. You can even give me your advice and let me think it over. Whichever way it goes, my choice will be the right one for the moment. Lesser of evils and all that."** _

  
**He gives me puzzled look. _"Too smart, I'd say. Can't argue that logic. K then. You are lost, look tired and obviously hungry. Would you care to come back to my home, eat and take a short rest? I can point you the way out from there. Or I can point you out from here. You'll be more sore, Child, if you don't rest soon. But as ya said, the choice is your's."_**

  
**I look around the woods.** _I have been walkin' for some time now. What time is it anyway? . . . Doesn't really matter right now. The old man was just about ready to kill me, but he did think I was someone else. He could still kill me back at his home, but why have me go all that way for that? It'd look more like an accident out here. I don't think we're close enough to civilization for anyone to hear me scream. He is right about me being tired and hungry. Even if I decide to keep walkin' and try to find my own way out, I don't know how long it'll be til I get out. Even if I take the directions he gives me. It is possible that I'll still end up on his doorstep. Hell! If I'm going to die in the back woods at least I can do so with a full stomach._ **My mental argument only lasts a minute.**

  
**With my mind made up, I look the old man in the eyes. _"Lead the way. I can't keep movin' if I don't have the energy."_**

  
**_"Very well, Child. Follow me."_ He turns and starts walking. I keep up with his stride and walk just a few feet away. Far enough to keep out of reach but close enough to not loss sight of him. A small smile crosses his face. I choose to ignore it and focus on walking and keeping the space between us.**

  
**We walk for a few minutes in an almost companionable silence, but I, not liking things so quiet when others are around, decide break it with questioning the old man.**

  
_**"Old Man?"** _

  
_**"Hmmm?"** _

  
_**"Why you carrying around a cross bow, anyways?"** _

  
**He looks at the weapon as if just realizing he was holding it. _"Oh, this is for unwanted guests that keep trying to take what's mine."_**

  
_**"Wouldn't I count as an unwanted guest? I mean, I am on your lands uninvited."** _

  
_**"Nah, Child. You're just a lost fool. The ones I speak of come with intent."** _

  
**I think over his reply. Somehow, I don't think he's talking about big business owners or debt collectors. Under the suspicion that he won't tell me outright, I ask him another question.**

  
_**"What did you mean the way less traveled? This isn't some forest in a Robert Frost poem. Not too many people come this way. I don't see ruts marking constant paths."** _

  
**" _What you know 'bout Mr. Robert Frost? And 'course there ain't no paths. I keep from makin' 'em. Don't want anyone jus' strollin' up to my door now, do I?"_**

  
**I'm getting the impression that this old man is either crazier than me or just doesn't want to answer my questions and doesn't want to say so outright. Or a mix of both. Either way I find his company welcoming.** _It's been a long time since you've talked to someone who didn't call you dumb every other word._

  
**Not wanting to stop talking to the strange man, I answer his question. _"I can't say I know much about Frost, but I do like poems. His is just so famous, it's hard to not know that one. It encourages you to seek adventure and not follow the road everyone else has just because it looks safe. Truth be told, I think of that poem every time I enter the woods. As if he was talking about the ones in front of me instead of the one that inspired his work."_**

  
**It takes me a second to see the old man openly staring at me. I can't read his face, but the look he's giving me makes me feel shy, as if I got caught dancing and he's in awe of my skill. I duck my head to hide a blush and try to hide my embarrassment by talking some more.**

  
_**"I mean, poems are a way to let the world know just how you feel in a form of riddle. Like a song without a melody. And, unlike a song, the tempo is made by the reader. So there are so many ways the same poem can be read. The only one who know's the right way to recite them is the author, and even then, a good poet doesn't want the world to know the true meaning behind their work. Wanting it to touch everyone in it's own way."** _

  
**The old man has said nothing the whole time I rambled. I look up to make sure he is still with me. He is facing forward, watching the way ahead. Still, I can see he heard every word I said. Worried that I said something wrong, I open my mouth to try and back track on my wayward thoughts. It's right then that we step out into a clearing f** **illed with bright sunlight.**

  
**I'm blinded by the sudden brightness and pause as my eyes adjust. As my sight comes back I see the old man has stopped too and is waiting for me to reorient myself. Looking around I see the biggest clearing in a woods I've ever seen. Right in the middle is an old wood cottage. Just like one I would imagine living in. I grab myself and pinch.** _Ouch. Well. . . .you ain't dreaming._

  
_**"Ya al'ight there, girl?"** _

  
_**"Yeah- yeah I'm good. Just makin' sure I ain't seeing things."** _

  
_**"Seeing things? You ain't one of those people tha' talks to voices, is you?"** _

  
**I turn to face the old man. He looks as if he's reconsidering bringing me back to his home. I laugh at the look.**

  
_**"What you laughin' at, Child? Is those voices whisperin' jokes at ya?"** _

  
_**"Every time we talk to ourselves we are hearing voices no one else understands. Some have inflections different from our own. Some have personalities of their own. It's a matter of how much control we let them have that makes the difference. Hell, even when we argue with ourselves or think out loud we are talking to a voice no one else hears. Rest assured that you are in as much danger of me as I am of you."** _

  
**The last is a reminder of the trust I am putting in him. He nods his head in understanding.**

  
_**"Al'ight then, Child. Point made. Lets get some grub in you and send you home before someone misses you."** _

  
**My smile falls. Thinking about what waits for me outside this realm of peace makes me want to just get lost again. The old man doesn't see the sadness cross my face as he walks ahead to open the front door. I'm more composed by the time he turns to gesture me in.**

 


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to make sense of everything and failing.

Warmth encases me. More warmth than I'm used to when I wake up. I lift my head to find out why. Shock hits me as I see Dominic asleep half under me. _What the hell? He never sleeps over. Why is he still here?_ Memories of everything that happened before I passed out hit me like a brick wall. A shiver runs up my spine. Dominic's arm tightens around me and he murmurs something as his free hand rubs my arm that's draped across his chest. The feeling is so comforting that I don't want to get up.

  
My body has other ideas. My bladder screams at me to empty it. I untangle myself from Dominic, careful not to wake him, and tiptoe all the way to the bathroom. It's still dark out, but from the shades of blue coming through the window, it'll be dawn soon. I head back to my room and look down at the man sleeping in my bed.

  
I don't want to turn on the bedroom light in case it wakes him, then again, I don't really need it. The hall light lets in enough glow to see My Vampire. His hair isn't even the slightest tangled. Face lax and peaceful. Adrien may be a human Adonis, but he's still human. This man in my bed is more like the god that carried the name. Not wanting to kick the vampire out so close to sunrise, I make sure my curtains are tightly closed. _Good thing you like black-out curtains_.

  
Once, in the early days, I challenged the whole sunlight-kills thing. He made his point by sticking his hand out in the sun and bringing it back in well burnt. The sight had turned my stomach and I never brought it up again. That was also the only other time he had stayed past dawn, and we had spent the entire day arguing.

  
The clock on the bedside table says it's not even seven a.m. I make sure the alarm is turned off and grab some clothes from my dresser. A rustling of sheets makes me look back to the bed. Dominic had rolled over, but doesn't seem to be waking. I pull the covers a little higher on him. Tiptoing out with my clothes, I shut the door softly.

  
I take a quick shower and dress for a day of work I don't want to face. But I don't have to be to work until ten and it's only eight. That means I don't have to leave the house for at least another hour. I sit in the living room to contemplate what I can do to kill time.

  
_Cleaning might wake Dominic, not that there is much to clean. I didn't empty my purse after work with all that was going on. Talking to Ella could kill some time, but. . . . I'm not ready to talk to her. Nor Jolene. Fuck. I have to work with her today and I still don't have answers to what Dominic and I are. Sex is good and all, but that only goes so far. . ._

  
A ringing from my purse breaks the early morning quiet. I run to where I hang my purse in the hallway, fearing the sound will wake my night time guest. I answer it right before it goes to voicemail.

  
"H-hey. What's up?" My voice is husky from trying to be quiet and being a little winded.

  
"Hey. Sorry to wake you early, but my car won't start. I was going to do some early running before work, but you know how shit goes. Do you think you can give me a lift?"

  
It takes me a moment to recognize Jolene's voice. ( _Think of the devil_.) Another to comprehend what she is asking. And one more to tell she is lying through her teeth. Her car never breaks down because her brother is a mechanic and makes sure there is nothing wrong with it. Ever.

  
"Riena? You didn't fall back asleep on me did you?"

  
"W-what? No. Give me a sec." I move into the kitchen where the sound won't carry. "Run that by me again. Your car broke down? What's wrong with it?"

  
"Like I would know. I'm not the mechanic. It just won't start. Our shifts are the same today or I wouldn't be askin'. Can you please pick me up on your way in?"

  
I run a hand over my face. This is all just a ploy to get me alone to talk. I really don't want to talk as I have other things on my mind that I should work through first. But, if she's going to make up such a lie to get me alone, then I need to deal with her now. Who knows what she'll try later.

  
"Rrrrrr. . . . Yeah. . . . You just better be ready when I get there. I don't want to be waitin' outside like an idiot."

  
"Sure, no problem. I'll be outside waiting. See you in thirty."

  
With a click she hangs up on me. I sigh as I put my phone down. _Just what I want to deal with this early in the fuckin' mornin'. She is buying me breakfast for this bull-shit._

  
Having less time to sit around the house should make me less antsy. It only makes me more frantic as I go through the house, twice, to make sure every window is covered. I'd hate myself if Dominic woke up while I was away and got burned. _Do vampires even need to sleep all day? I mean, that one time he did look tired, but he was up a long time already. Neither one of us got any sleep that day. All this time and I'm just now thinking of this shit?_

  
I tape a note for Dominic to the inside of my bedroom door. If he wakes and I'm not home the note will let him know I had to leave for work early. I'm tempted to give him a kiss good-bye, but afraid that doing so may cause me to want to call in. I double check the tape and leave. Not letting temptation win as I close the door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I pull up in front of Jolene's and honk my horn twice. She come's running out a minute later. As she walks around the car I turn up the radio in hopes that she'll take the hint. Hope is one of those things that can be crushed so easily. Proven when she reaches over to turn the system down after buckling herself in. My whole body is tense as I pull away from the curb. Some of the tension is because I'm driving. Most of it is from waiting for Jolene to say something. Anything. _Just open your damn mouth woman_.

  
She finally says something when we're a block from her home. "If you ain't going to say anything, then I will."

  
"Nice to see you too. And _so_ early in the morning. I just love driving _so_ much that it's great to have an excuse to drive more." My sarcastic remark sounds more bitter than I intended, but Jolene pays it no mind. Thankfully. I'd hate to have a real argument with her as I drive.

  
"Yeah, thanks for the lift and all that. Now, is this the same guy? Or did you meet someone else and have just been holding out? It's not like you to not talk about what's going on in your life. What _is_ going on?"

  
I flex my fingers over the steering wheel. _You know less of me than you think. Ella know's more and she doesn't even know about Dominic._ Panic and uncertainty is making my vision blur. I hold out a hand in a silent request for a cigarette. Jolene hands me one without question and lights it for me as I drive. I take a few hits and let the smoke out while I think of what to say.

  
"Yes and no."

  
Jolene looks at me confused. When it's apparent I'm not going to elaborate she asks outright. "Yes and no what? If you don't start telling me something solid I'm goin' to take the keys out the ignition and make us both late."

  
I quickly glare over at my passenger, knowing full well that she would. There was a time she did that to her ex-husband on the interstate.

  
"Fine!" I snap as I turn back to watching the road. "No, I didn't find another guy. Yes, it is the same guy from a year ago. We've been in touch since that night." _One way of saying he's over every night_. "I didn't want to say anything about him 'cause I didn't know where things were goin' wit us. I still don't." We hit a stop light as I again wait for Jolene to say something.

 

". . . . You know, it's been a while since you let your guard down enough to let any man close. That last prick did a real number on you and I don't want another to do the same. Don't get me wrong, if this guy is good to you, then I'm all for it. But if you can't bring him around your friends to prove he's good, well. . . . ."

  
Her words are gentle. A little hurt tints the edges. All my anger and frustration falls away. _You're trying to keep everyone who cares about you at arms length. It doesn't work if you want to keep them as friends_.

  
The only sound inside the car comes from the radio as I pull into the employee parking lot. Jolene makes no move to get out and I make no move to turn off the engine. I throw the last of my cigarette out the window as I try to find words that don't sound hollow. A Prince song is playing and I can make out some of the words of _When Doves Cry_. Knowing the sad ballad well, I can fill in the words I can't make out.

  
"Maybe I'm just like my mother. She's never satisfied. . . " I whisper.

  
"Huh? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" Jolene shifts in her seat to face me.

  
"Just an ironic moment for a song to play." I turn to face her as far as the wheel will let me. "I get your point. I've been afraid of letting anyone close for a _long_ time. It's not easy for me. My own mother made me jaded in so many ways. She was always ready to talk about everyone else, but when it came to her. . . .She just wanted everyone to do as she said and that would make her happy. But it always had to be her way or no way. I always thought I was better than that. I try and give free rein around work and take other's feelings into consideration. But under it all I still manage to be like her. I want to have friends, but I want them on my terms. I get mad when you don't take a hint and push. Even my best friend, Ella, stays out of most of my drama. I love her to death, but my girl can't see past herself most days."

  
Jolene reaches out and puts a hand on my knee. "I know it's hard for you. You're right, too. I don't keep my nose out of everyone's shit. But you know I do it out of love, right?"

  
"Yeah, I do." Tears start forming in my eyes. To keep them from falling I start telling her everything I can about Dominic. His height, weight, build. All the things that don't include how we met, how often he's over, what he does for a living. That he's a vampire. I have her check the back of my neck for more hickey marks. There were a few small ones. I told her how I earned those last night.

  
We were almost late punching in, being so caught up in talking, but both of us were smiling and laughing as we walked into the store. The day fly's by. Jolene making slick remarks about Dominic that no one can understand. Me calling her jealous that I keep better company than her. It's such a nice day at work that I don't mind having to give Jolene a ride home after. We spend the entire time making bad sex jokes and keeping me from swerving into traffic.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It not until I'm back home and putting the key in the front door that I think over everything I told Jolene. Everything I said to her is true. Mostly. Minus all that I omitted. There were several things that I let her interpret. I didn't want to talk about everything in one day. Not even sure if I will to her.

  
How do I tell someone that I have a hard time trusting because the one person I should of been able to, broke more than my spirit? I push all that hurt back. Save it for a time you can cry in peace. _You still have a vamp you need to check on_.

  
Remembering I left Dominic in my home all day has me running to my bedroom. I halt just outside the closed door.

  
_What are you waiting for? It's not like opening the door's gonna wake him. You don't run quietly_.

  
I take a deep breath and turn the knob. The door swings open on silent hinges. I flick on the light to find my bed empty. There is no one in my room.

  
_It's night now. Maybe he went to get a change of clothes and a bite_.

  
I put my head in my hand at the bad pun my brain came up with and release my held breath. _I need a long hot bath._

  
Pivoting on my heel, I notice the bathroom door is closed, just as it opens. Dominic walks out with one towel wrapped around his waist while he uses another to dry his hair. Small beads of water run down his chest. My breath catches in my throat. He stops and gives me his smile. The one that lights up his eyes and shows just how happy he is to see me while telling me he is thinking very dirty things.

  
Last week I would have rolled my eyes and walked away. Tonight, I walk right up to My Vampire and wrap my arms around his waist, licking a few drops of water off his chest before looking him in the eyes. Just as I had expected, he gaze is darker. A look that promises to do everything his sultry smile hints at. He leans down to kiss me and I slid my hands up his body to his neck. Dominic gently presses his lips to mine. The feelings that run through me make my legs go weak. Luckily for me two strong arms hold me close.  
I could stand like this forever and let the world fade away. Dominic doesn't seem to agree as he lifts his head and nods it towards the bedroom, his eyebrow raised in question. That sounds so much better, so I nod and take a step back to lead the way. Once again, My Dominic has other things in mind. He picks me up princess style and carries me to the room. I giggle all the way.

  
I'm dropped on the bed very ungracefully. I bounce once and laugh from the small thrill.

  
"Ok, smart ass, I think you forget I'm still dressed." I move to get back off the bed, but Dominic blocks my way.

  
"I don't forget anything when it come to you, Goddess. I plan on undressing you myself." The low rumble in his voice sends a shiver of anticipation through me.

  
His eyes lock with mine as his hands reach for the top button of my work shirt. Cool air creates goosebumps across my chest as each one comes undone. He's so skilled that his fingers don't brush an inch of my skin, despite my shirt being form fitting. The last button is undone and he parts the shirt, revealing my low-cut bra that strains over my chest. My breast have perked so much I can feel my nipples digging into the padding. He pushes the shirt off my shoulders, still not touching flesh, and down my arms.

  
Once my shirt is thrown to the side, Dominic looks down at the waist of my pants then back to my face. I lean back on my arms so he can undo my belt and pants. I watch him in fascination. For the life of me I can't figure out how he does all this without touching me directly. I can't even undress myself with such care. He slips his hands into the space between my pants and panties. I'm sure at this point that he'll have to brush his fingers on my thighs. He proves me wrong when he folds down the top of my waist band and uses that as a grip to lower my pants. I lift up to make it possible for him to finish removing the article.

  
My breathing has picked up to a rapid pant. I sit in nothing but my bra and undies. All that shy nervousness, of Dominic seeing me naked, from two nights ago is not here. Dominic crawls on the bed besides me and reaches behind me to carefully unhook my bra one handed. I let myself sink backwards while he takes my bra away. _I bet he's going to remove everything without touching me, just to keep me on edge_.

  
It's a good thing I'm not a gambler or I would be in debt. Dominic leans over me and kisses me again. Keeping himself proped high so our bodies don't touch. Just our lips. I want to wrap my arms around him and draw him closer, but I feel that there is a hidden signal I have to wait for. So I wait for it, clenching the sheets beneath me to keep my hands in place.

  
To my surprise, Dominic kisses along my body in much the same manner as I had on him. With a few twists. He kisses and nips his way around my neck. Moving down to my chest and spends some time on each of my nipples. His hands rubbing and caressing around both breasts in a soft massage. He moves lower and does the same to my belly. Treating my soft flesh as if it were as toned as his own. Hidden muscles under the fat jump with each nip, but he acts as if they are normal or aren't happening. Just licks the spot and moves on to the next one.

  
It takes all my will to not move as his face nears my groin. I close my eyes to concentrate on being still. That only makes me focus more on what this vampire is doing, but I can't bring myself to open my eyes. I'm over aware of his fingers sliding under the waist of my panties. I barely have the strength to lift my hips again as they're pulled down while his lips and teeth mark my hips. He lifts each of my legs to finish removing the last garment. The whole time sucking on the soft spot between my groin and hip. _I never knew such a spot could be such a turn on_.

  
Dominic is nestled between my bent legs. I think he's going to start kissing his way back up. I need to stop trying to predict what he's going to do next. He shifts his arms under my legs and wraps them around my thighs. Grabbing on to the tops as he pulls my legs farther apart. I lift my head and look down at him when I realize what he wants to do. He looks up at me from between my legs. His eyes ask for permission. I grant it with a slight nod. He keeps my stare while lowering his face. I feel his tongue meet my opening and my breath catches again. He moves up my slit and stops over my clit. It's at this point I break eye contact by falling back down on the bed. Throwing my head back I let out a long moan, grabbing my face with both hands. My back arches off the bed as he moves his skillful tongue over the spot. Drawing it down to lick away the juices flowing out of me, then back up to do it over again. If he wasn't holding my legs I would thrash away from the intensity of the pleasure.

  
As it is my hands reach for anything and everything. Trying to grab something solid to dig nails into that isn't my own flesh. Finally I grab a handful of my hair and reach down for a handful of Dominic's. That seems to be a signal he was waiting for to send me over the edge. His tongue flicks and licks and does so much more. I'm outright screaming.

  
"OH FUCK! OH YES! FUCK FUCK FUCK! AHHHHHH! DON'T . . . PLEASE. . . . . .YEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!!!"

  
I let go of both our heads, using my hands to hold me down to the bed as I orgasm. My back arches so high my head hangs down. The only thing keeping me from completely flipping is Dominic's grip on my thighs. His tongue still working magic, drawing out the orgasm. My mouth opens and closes silently, unable to draw in air to scream. Not until the vampire stops flicking his tongue am I able to relax enough to drop back down to the bed and inhale. My whole body is spasming with every nerve tingle.

  
Dominic moves up my body and brushes my hair away from my face. I'm panting too rapidly and simple thoughts seem hard. My eyelids feel heavy as I look up at him.  
"Mmmm Goddess. I have fulfilled your request, it seems."

  
I furrow my brows, not understanding what he's talking about.

  
"You requested I fuck you so hard you couldn't stand. I believe you can't stand right now."

  
It takes me a few tries to form coherent words. "I--I didn't mean with your tongue. (pant) And that was last night's request. (pant) Plus (pant) this is a bit more than (pant) not standing."

  
"Ah, but you gave no time limit on the task. Nor with what you wanted me to do so with. Using my dick may have been implied, but that was not the only option. As for 'a bit more', that was to make up for not doing so last night."

  
I lift my arm to swat him, but I don't have the energy to do more than a light pat.

  
"Does this mean that we are done for the evening?" He drawls.

  
"Ha. I can go rounds. Just give me a minute to relax a few muscles." I speak of stamina I don't know if I have. _I'll be damned if I let a little oral take me out. Damn. Pride is a beast_.

  
"My Sweet Goddess, if you need help relaxing certain parts of your body, you need but ask. I know just how to do so." I don't have time to think over what he means.

  
Dominic reaches between my legs again and slips two fingers in. My head flips back at the feeling. He takes the opportunity to bite down on my neck. I still under his teeth, even as his fingers work new wonders in me.

  
"Please. . . .Oh-please. . . Damn it, Dominic." I can't get my body to move. I cum around his fingers. Another orgasm is building, but he doesn't stop. "Dom-Domin- Ahhhhhhhhhhh."

 

He pulls his fingers out and raises his head. Bringing his hand up, he licks my juices off the two digits. The sight turns me on and renews my strength and stamina. Using his teasing as a distraction I grab the arm holding him above me at the elbow, making it buckle. I shift my hips and push off the bed with my feet, flipping us so I am on top.

  
The move worked better than I had hoped. He wasn't expecting it, but I wasn't expecting to come down right on his dick. It slides in so fast we both make a sharp inhale. He recovers first, grabs my hips and raises me up some. The move causes me to clench around him. I place my hands on his chest to steady myself while also trying to regain the upper hand. I only succeed in doing the first. He thrusts his pelvis up as he pulls me back down. I moan. I'm lifted up again as he draws out. I push my hands against his chest in an attempt to free myself. My efforts fail. My whole body arches when I'm pulled back down to his upward motion.

  
Being on top and not having to do the work can be fun, but I want to do the work. I want to be in control. I want to make him cum from the effort _I_ put in. Words, at this point, are impossible to speak, so I use another method. I dig my nails into his chest. And not in a pleasing way. Dominic flinches, but stops his latest attempt to pull me back down. I lock my eyes with his. Shaking my head I place my hands over his.

  
"My turn," is all I say.

  
His hands relax on my hips. I take them and guide them along my body up to my chest. Each one cupping a breast. He gently rubs his thumbs across my nipples, watching my face to see if that was ok. I nod as I return my hands to his chest. There are no marks from where my nails dug in. I'm not sure if that has more to do with him being a vampire or that I didn't dig deep enough to leave marks. _That can be a question for another time_.

  
I lower myself until our groins are pressed together. His every inch inside me. It's almost too much. I love it. If I was just in a mood to get my own, I would rise and fall for the deep pounding sensation. My intent right now is to get My Dominic off.

  
So I rock my hips forward until I can feel he's almost out of me. Then I rock him all the way in again. I keep doing this slowly. Forward and back. Forward and back. The hands on my breasts squeeze and rub in time with my motions. Dominic's eyes are closed as he lays back and enjoys. I can tell he's enjoying what I'm doing, because every time I rock back his hands grab a little harder. If I wasn't enjoying the ride as much as him the tightening would be painful. The pain mixed with the sex makes everything more intense.

  
"Oh Goddess." A soft whisper from the man beneath me.

  
"Mmmm?"

  
"Goddess. . . I am so close." His voice is hoarse. As if he had been the one screaming in joy.

  
"I want you to cum. Cum for me." I rock a little faster.

  
"My Goddess- aaaahhhhh-"

  
"Dominic. Cum for me, please." My own orgasm is coming. I rock faster, grinding down with every move backwards.

  
"Goddess, I can't just-" His grip tightens on my chest as I grind hard on him.

  
"Yes, you can! I need you to cum, Dominic!"

  
"Adriena! I need to feed-" I'm moving my hips so fast and so hard now. My clit rubbing against his soft pubic hairs.

  
"Wha-" Something about his last word catches my attention. _Feed? Feed what? Himself? Why does he need to feed now? He can feed later. Wait!_ In a flash, every time Dominic and I had sex crashes through my mind. He had feed off me the very first time, but I had assumed he was going to kill me then. He'd feed off me a few nights ago, then he apologized for not asking permission. Last night he didn't feed at all. I don't recall him ever going soft. _Oh hell_.

  
I slow my rhythm down enough to ask, "Dominic? Do you need to feed to get release?"

  
He nods his head once, face scrunched up as if in pain. Not liking the knowledge that I was the cause of that pain, I do the only thing I can. I place my wrist by his face.

  
"Then feed from me. Make it quick. I'm about to cum myself."

  
Dominic's eyes open and spots my offered wrist. I pick back up my pace. The first waves of an orgasm takes me. He must feel it or be in need of release himself as he grabs my wrist and sinks his teeth in. The other he uses to grab my hip to keep me moving on him as he pushes up.

  
This is the first time I've ever seen Dominic feed. On me, no less. I don't have much time to ponder the sight as right then my own orgasm mixes with the pleasure of the bite. For the third time tonight I'm happy that Dominic has a strong hold on me as my body tries to convulse backwards. This time I know I took flesh off his chest with my free hand. I feel the instant he cums. His whole shaft spasming inside me. I cry out as another wave of ecstasy courses through my body.

  
My wrist is released with a light lick. I let myself collapse across Dominic's chest. My heart beating like crazy against my rib cage. Arms wrap around me. One along my waist. The other behind my shoulders. Bliss makes me sleepy, but I keep myself awake.

  
"Dominic?"

  
"Mmm?"

  
"We need to discuss a few things."

  
"Such as?" I feel his body tense under me.

  
"What we are to each-other." His body relaxes some.

  
"You are My Goddess and I am Your Tzimisce."

  
"Not just that. (sigh) Lets just talk when I wake up. I'm too tired now."

  
"As you wish."

  
I smile in contentment, letting the bliss of sex carry me into dreamland. _Huh, I can hear his heart beat._

 


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking the next step.

A very urgent need to use the toilet wakes me. I sit up and stretch. The memory of what I did with Dominic doesn't bring the same panic like last night. I feel euphoric. Even that isn't quit the word I'm looking for, but it's the closest I can think to explain it. My heart stills for a second when I don't see My Vampire in bed with me. It starts back up when logic hits. _He's been here for more than a day. There are no clothes here for him and he may need to feed to get off, but he can't sustain on me alone._

  
I look at the clock on the nightstand and see it's just after midnight. Meaning I'd only slept a couple hours after getting home. Which means that I'll have to try and get more rest tonight or I'll be useless for work in the morning. _First things first. Bathroom._

  
I wait until I'm in the bathroom to take stock of myself. A few finger bruises on my thighs, though I have a feeling that those are most likely from me thrashing than him holding too tight. There are several small ones around my boobs and down my stomach from the nipping. _They don't even hurt,_ I think while I poke a few. The largest on my body is in the fold where my hip meets my groin. A thrill goes through me at that particular memory. I start to run a hand through my hair, but pause when I see the mark on my wrist.  
I hold my arm out in front of me to get a better look. The mark is where Dominic had bled me. It's almost a perfect circle stretching from one side of my fore-arm to the other. In the center, if I look hard, I can see two small spots. They are a little larger than most needles used in hospitals. And though it wasn't that many hours ago, they look to be old wounds. I don't have the energy to worry about how to cover these up.

  
Instead I start a bath with epsom salt. I may not feel it now, but I sure as hell will later. Best to beat the pains before they start. With any luck the bath will also help diminish the new blemishes on my skin. I climb in the tub once it's full. Relaxing into the warm water seems harder than normal. I grab a book I keep by the tub. It's one of those multiple short story kinds. Fantasy with dragons and fey, mostly.

  
It only takes me a few pages to lose interest. I can't even remember anything I just read. I'm filled with too much restless energy and don't want to lie still. _I know why I can't relax. It's 'cause I want Dominic_. It hits me hard how much I want him near me. Not just for sex. Not that the sex isn't great. Putting my finger on just one reason is hard. He has been a constant companion at night for the last year. He sticks around until I go to bed. Has woken me up from nightmares. Forced me to relax when I was sick. Even when we fight or I ignore him, he doesn't leave first. I leave him alone in my house all the time. The same as when I still lived above the bar. I never worry what that he'll do something to my things. It's never crossed my mind before that he could be going through my drawers or papers. From the start, I have complete in him around things that I don't let others touch with me around. Not even Ella.

  
All these things make me want him here with me. I may not want him to know my past, but I want him in my future. Logic tells me that he won't keep coming around if I keep hiding all my pains. Not with the breakdowns and panic attacks. Not when I ruin a good mood with dark thoughts. He can only hold me and bring me back to the present. _Like last night_. Last night.

  
I had woken up feeling tired and fragile. Seeing Dominic in my bed had given me a focus. A way to not think about what I was going through as I worried what would happen to him. Jolene's call had been another distraction. I had to worry about what I was going to say to her. Work had kept me busy. No room for wayward thoughts there. Again, Jolene and I had laughed so much before I dropped her off that I kept replaying our entire talk on the way home. There were a few seconds, when I was walking in the door, that things I didn't say crossed my mind. But then I remembered Dominic in my house all day. In a rush to check on him, I pushed all other thought aside. Then we had sex. I had intended on talking to him about us afterwards. _Sex and blood loss does make one sleepy._ It took everything I had to form words.

  
_What did I say to him, again? I told him we need to talk. He seemed nervous. Why was he nervous? We're not dating. Did he think I was going to tell him . . . . What else could I want to talk about? Did he think I was going to have a break down like I did the last time we had sex? That suddenly I was going to tell him everything?_

  
And I bring myself back to where my mind wandered from. How could anyone expect to keep someone close if they break at the worst moments? I can't. Dominic has to know this. Ella is only as close as she is because she was there when I left my mother's oppression. When I needed a place to stay until I could get my own. When I broke up with the only man I let myself love.

  
I let her know everything back then. I filled her in on all that was dragging me down. She told me everything that was going on with her. Our lives were so much alike, it was scary. Things happened to me that she never had to deal with. Things happened to her that I didn't encounter. But our bond never failed because of that. I was there for her when she fell in love. I stood by her when she left her mother's to move in with that love. When she left him for cheating, my couch was open to her. It wasn't until she graduated college and got her first house that things started to change.

  
Little things at first. She learned how to flip houses and I helped. When she offered me a more permanent job as her partner I refused. Too afraid of it falling apart and not being able to make it on my own anymore. When she chose to rent out the houses instead of selling them I was offered a house to rent. She even wanted to give me the friend discount. Taking advantage of her seemed wrong. A desk was open for me when she opened her realtor firm, if I wanted to leave retail.

  
She became a success while I let my fear keep me where I didn't want to be. I don't regret becoming a manager in the place that pissed me off more than not. I can't find flaw with my new home after years of suffering in rundown shitholes. You couldn't pay me to go to college. But all that I gained took longer than it should of because of my fears. My fears that if I make a life for myself, then it will get ripped away like all my dreams.

  
Dominic has no idea how much his presence has pushed me to do more with myself then anything Ella ever tried. She had gifted me her old car when she upgraded. He had put me behind the wheel and made me learn to drive. She told me I could be a manager. He said I would never get the job. She showed me houses that would be nice for me. He accused me of liking the dump I lived in.

  
Putting my thoughts in a nutshell, Ella is kind and gentle, trying to get me to do and be more. Dominic challenges and antagonizes until I do things to prove him wrong or that I can. Ella and I may be sisters at heart. We may think alike about alot. But all those things that we didn't experience the same made me more prone to fight back when pushed. She became fierce in a passive way. Standing her ground and working around the problem instead of facing it head on. Understanding this makes those rare moments she gets in my face more important. It also makes it hard to fight her when she does things for me I'd rather reject. Dominic is like her in that way. He does small things without asking for permission, but differs by not asking forgiveness later. That's a way he's like me. Standing his ground when he feels strongly about something.

  
Comparing the two makes me want to tell Dominic everything. It also brings home everything I stopped telling Ella. In the year leading up to my run in with Dominic I had been talking to Ella less and less. Going weeks without a call or text.

  
I squeeze my eyes shut as I push that painful year back to the depths of my mind. If I can't talk to my sister and best friend about that year on, how am I to tell my lover about my life before then.

  
_My lover?_ I don't know why, but thinking of Dominic as just a lover feels off. Almost like he is more than that. But I don't know what that thing is.

  
Feeling more confused than when I entered the tub, I pull the plug and let the water drain. My anxious energy won't let me sit still any longer. I get out and wrap a towel around myself, head too full of more pressing matters to worry about a water trail.

  
I grab my over-sized shirt off my bedroom floor. The same one I was wearing when. . . . _Better put on something that doesn't make sex come to mind_. Yoga pants and a tank top seem safe. I'm glad they are both black when they cling to my body. The clock on my end table says it's just past one in the morning.

  
_Well, I'll have a few hours to talk to Dominic before dawn_. I think on the bright side. But now I'm faced with other problems. First one being that I didn't eat when I got home, the fact brought home by a sharp pain in my gut. Food was not an option at the time. I blush, not able to block out the images of what I let become more important than food.  
I heat up a couple of hot pockets in the microwave. Cooking for myself is always a challenge. Add to it not knowing when My Vampire will return, quick and easy is best. While I eat, something dawns on me. _How are you even sure he's coming back tonight? I mean, it's not like you knew when you'd wake up. How is he supposed to?_

  
I pause with a hot pocket half-way to my mouth. I had said that we needed to talk when I woke up, but he wasn't here. Logic points out that he has good reasons for not being here. Some deep fear makes my heart race. _What if you're wrong? What if--_

  
"NO!!" I yell at myself. "Dominic isn't like that. He's coming back. I am His Goddess. He'll be back soon."

  
My certainty pushes all doubts away and I finish my food. I even wash the plate, and other dishes I've neglected, by the time I hear the front door open. I leave the kitchen, forcing myself not to run like I want to. I round the doorway and halt at the sight before me.

  
Dominic is still near the front door, having just taken his shoes off. The shirt looks the same, black and tight, but his jeans are a shade darker and have a logo on the waistband. Proof that he had gone home and changed. He turns to face me across the few feet of hallway that separates us. His eyes settle on me and a broad grin lights up his face. A tightness in my chest I didn't know was there eases, almost making me drop to the floor in relief. Instead I sprint the distance between us and jump into Dominic's arms. He catches me easily.

  
"Goddess? I am happy to see you, too. I wasn't expecting you to be up just yet." He says looking perplexed at my sudden actions.

  
My arms are around his neck. My legs are bent at the knees on either side of his waist. Dominic's hands hold me up by my thighs. I lean my head down until it rests in the crook of my elbow and his neck.

  
"I was alone." I murmur.

  
"You're not alone anymore."

  
I tighten my grip around his neck. Deep inside I know that he understands what I mean. He knows I'm not just talking about waking up alone. He is telling me that he's here for me. Here in a way that everyone else has failed to be.

  
"Goddess? My Goddess? Why are you crying?" Dominic asks. His voice is full of concern.

  
_Am I crying?_ I bring a hand to my face and wipe away tears I didn't know I was shedding. "I don't know. I don't know why I do anything any more. I don't know why I keep reacting the way I do around you. I don't know what I feel. I don't even know how I feel about you. I don't know _why_ I don't know. I just want . . . . I don't know." I bury my head deeper into Dominic's neck. Finding comfort in his smell, his hold on me, the feeling of him under my hands. Comfort in My Tzimisce. My Vampire. My Dominic.

  
He says nothing in reply. I feel him walking, but don't lift my head. It's not until he shifts me in his arms and lowers us into my bean bag chair that I look him in the face.

  
"I thought you hate this thing." I ask, referencing an old argument he and I had over it being tasteless and ugly.

  
"I do. But you love it. You sleep in it when you can't in your own bed. You treat it like a couch, even after you bought a real one. It the only piece of furniture in your whole house that gives you the most comfort. You need comfort right now. It may not be a burden to hold you while standing, but eventually your body would hate the position and need a change. I do not feel like letting you go just yet and anything else would make me have to do that. So I figure I can double your comfort and keep my ability to hold you."  
"Such foresight." I giggle then give him a quick peck on the lips. Well, it was going to be a quick peck. Our lips touch and I melt into Dominic. A desire to deepen the kiss taking over. I moan against his mouth. He presses a hand to the small of my back and another cups my head. Everything starts to become hazy.

  
Dominic pushes me upright and I take a deep breath. So lost in the moment that I forgot I needed to breath. More giggles escape my mouth.

  
"My Goddess, if you keep it up, we will never have that talk you wanted to have." His words sober me up.

  
As much as I am comfortable sitting in his lap, this is not a position for a serious conversation. I move to the side so I can still cuddle with my leg over his waist and a hand on his chest. Dominic's arm wraps around my shoulders while his free hand rests along my thigh. Intimate but relaxed.

  
"Adriena? You are the one that said you wanted to talk. I can read you well, but I can't read your mind. Tell me what is in your head and I will do my best to put you at ease."

  
I make random patterns on his chest while I think of what to say. I know he can hear my heart racing, but he waits for me to speak.

  
"We don't see eye to eye on much. Do we?"

  
". . . Not usually. . . "

  
"Half the time I'm threatening to kill you."

  
"Hmhm, yes. And you do it well."

  
"I don't like talking about my past."

  
"I am aware."

  
"And I don't ask about yours."

  
"I can-"

  
"Because if I ask about yours, then I should tell you something about mine. It's not fair of me to want to know more about you and not want you to know about me. You're always tryin' to take away my hurt, but how can you if you don't know why I feel the way I do? I mean, you can guess at how I've been hurt, but I have a hard time even thinking about it. So how can I tell you if I don't want to think about it?" Now that I've opened the flood gates to my thoughts, I can't seem to shut up.

  
"When you first found me, I wasn't in a good place. So much rage and hurt. It pissed me off that you showed up. That you got in my way. That you even existed. You wouldn't stay away. No matter what I said or did. You kept coming back. You keep coming back. I can't run from you. I can't hide. I can't ignore you. You've proven it time and again. I wanted you out of my life so bad. But now. . . . Now, it's hard to think about what it would be like if you're not around. The dark would become too quiet. The nights too still. My home would feel empty. I don't let people get close to me because I know they will hurt me. Even you will one day-"

  
"My Sweet-"

  
"No! You will. You may not intend to. You may do it in a moment of passion. But you will. Yet, somehow, I don't care that you will. I can't say that I won't be mad at you. That I won't try and hurt you back. I can't lie to you. I haven't been able to lie to you since day one. That scares me. That I can't lie to you. I can't hide how I feel, or what I'm thinking. At the same time it's a relief. I hide so much from everyone else. I walk around wearing a mask. But you see right through it. You don't pretend to know what I'm saying or thinking or feeling. 'Cause you _do_ know. And when you don't, you ask me. You ask me 'cause you want to know. 'Cause you want--no-- _need_ to find out what's going through my head. I can't understand that! Why would anyone want to see the darkness that is my mind?! Why would _you_ , after such a short time, want to try and fix all that is wrong with me?!" I sob into Dominic's shoulder. My body is shaking.

  
Lips press to my forehead while hands rub me in an effort to sooth. I cry softly, soaking the shirt beneath my face. I didn't want to cry. I wasn't intending on saying all that I had. The words had just kept coming and I couldn't stop them. I want to take it all back and start over. Say words that wouldn't make me cry. Words that would let him talk and not accuse. But words said cannot be unsaid. So I cry. I cry until there are no more tears while Dominic rubs my back and arm. Until my body stops shaking and my breathing is labored.

  
"I'm sorry." I mutter.

  
"No need to be sorry, My Goddess." Dominic speaks softly.

  
I raise my head to look him in the eye. "No. You can't forgive my every action. Not any more. Not if you want to have something real with me. Not if you want me. I'm broken. I was broken before you met me. I was broken the night you found me. My cracks are healing. But I can't keep healing if you forgive me every time I push you away. I know that's what I'm doing. I've been doing it so long. Everyone else forgives me and ignores it. They take what they can get and let me be broken. You say you want to help me? Don't forgive me every time I lash out at you. Like it's your fault."

  
Fresh tears I didn't know I still had roll down my face. I pay them no heed. Just wait for Dominic to reply.

  
"My Goddess. My Sweet Adriena. You have come so far from the broken woman I first encountered. I knew there was fire in you. A fire that just can't die. But you hide it behind the same walls you use to protect your hear. I want to tear those walls down to see it. To see the fire that is you burn with such brightness that no darkness should ever overcome you again. But you are right. I forgive the way you lash out at me. Taking the blows for others. Letting you use me to vent all the hurt. Pushing just enough to test how strong your walls are. Taking the backlash and moving on to the next section and never really forcing you to stop taking it out on me. I want you. I want something real with you."

  
Dominic reaches up and brushes hair away from my face, resting his hand against my cheek, before he continues.

  
"Now, may I ask your forgiveness?"

  
"For all that I have done to you, what could you need forgiveness for?"

  
"For being cruel in my own way. Not giving you the space you ask for time and again. Doubting your judgement in others when I know so little of them and your past together. I know, more now than before, that you are aware of how you keep others at a distance and, more importantly, _why_ you do it. I kept telling myself that you are too fragile still, so I have to stay close and protect you from everything that can hurt you. I ignored all the passion I seen in you. A passion to _be_ more. To _live_ more. I was afraid that I would lose you if I left for too long. Even for a night. I should know by now that it takes much to push you back to the edge of the abyss I pulled you from."

  
"Oh, Dominic," I sigh as I lean down to give him a soft kiss. "I forgive you your male failings."

  
Dominic lifts his face for the kiss. As I rise I look look into his eyes and see relief that I forgive him.

  
"Thank you, Goddess. Am I right in assuming that you wish to have a more balanced relationship with me? One that marks both us unavailable to any who seek?"

  
"You are correct. I won't promise to open up freely, but I would like to bring you more into my day to--night to night life."

  
"Ahhh. So I will no longer be hidden from all those that know nothing of me."

  
His remark makes me blush in guilt. _If you want something real then you have to show him to others to prove he isn't just another fantasy._

  
"Yes. I want you to meet my friends. I want to spend time with you that isn't here. That isn't away from prying eyes."

  
"As you wish, Goddess Adriena."

  
I still can't place why I should know the deeper meaning behind the way he says 'as you wish'. I ponder it lightly as I reply.

  
"As it shall be, My Vampire."

  
"Your _Vampire_? Not your _Tzimisce_?" Dominic's voice teases.

  
"Why would I-" _Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit oh shit!_

  
My eyes go wide and I feel my face go pale.

  
Dominic gives me a look of false concern. "Goddess, are you well? You seem a bit pale."

  
I jump to my knees and look down at him, grabbing two handfuls of his shirt. "What did you say I should call you?!"

  
His smirk is smug as he folds his hands behind his head. "I was just wondering if I'll only be Your Vampire or if you'll slip and call me Your _Tzimisce_?. . . . Like you do in your half-sleepy state."

  
My hands release his shirt. I rock back onto my heels, trying to remember half-dazed moments I would of let that title slip. . . .

 


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Meaning of a name

_**"Are you a glutton for punishment, Vamp?" I ask in contempt.** _

_  
**"Only when it pertains to you, Goddess." My assailant from the alley calmly replies.** _

_**  
"I am NOT a goddess! Stop callin' me that!"** _

_**  
"Adriena, my sweet goddess." The way he says those words are as if he's laying praise to me. I don't like it.** _

_**  
"Don't you have some other helpless humans to take advantage of? You've seen this one home nights ago. Your help was un-wanted, un-needed, non-helpful, and overall ANNOYING!"** _

_**  
"Sweet Adriena, there is no need to yell. I have come to pay homage to My Goddess. It would be remiss of me to not, when I am in the area."** _

_**  
"There are no 'goddesses' here. Just this pathetic human. So no need for 'homage'. And you've been here every night for the last week. What kind of business could you have in the dumps of this town to keep you coming back?"** _

_**  
"Sweet Goddess, you are more than human. I have tasted your life's blood to know better. As for what keeps me in the area? . . . . I believe you already know the answer to that."** _

_**  
I want to smack the sly look off the bastards face. All I can do is blush and turn away.** _

_**  
That night, a week ago, still vivid in my mind's eye. I had woken up a few hours after the incident in the alley, in my own bed with blankets over me. It was very confusing not knowing how I ended up there when I vividly recalled leaving the party, but not crossing any other thresholds. I wasn't drunk enough to black-out. Nor was I tired to the point of exhaustion.** _

_**  
I had gotten out of bed and was farther confused to see myself still in my dress. It was nice to wear to a party but not to bed. Nothing had made sense. That was until I left my room to find a stranger sitting at my desk. I had grabbed the first thing I could and threw it at him. And missed. The asshole didn't shift or flinch. My aim was that bad. It didn't take long after that for him to remind me who he is and how we met.** _

_**  
That resulted in more fighting and utter disbelief. I kept trying to convince myself that he was a figment of my imagination, that reality finaly lost all meaning to me. Something, anything, that made him not real.** _

_**  
He's more than proven that he** _ **is** _**real. Now, I just have to figure out how to get rid of him so I can put into action a plan I had started before he showed up. Telling him to leave has done me no good. Asking only made his refusal more polite. Calling the cops seems pointless. What would I say? 'Hey I have a vampire in my living room. I want him to leave but he won't. You should really bring more than a few officers 'cause I'm sure he can kill you all.'** _

_  
**Yeah, cops are not an option. So I argue with him. Eventually he will get tired of it and leave. Everyone else has.** _

_  
**"How would you even know what a god's blood tastes like? Do they walk the earth and offer themselves up to your kind like sacrificial goats? Or is it some kind of right of passage? You know, where you have to take the blood of a god to be welcomed amongst the elders?"** _

_  
**"You mock me, My Sweet? I can assure you that there is no need to taste the blood of a god to know that you are no more human than I am."** _

_  
**"I'm not 'your sweet'. And I am human. Just as human as you once were." I pause as another thought hits. "Were you human? I mean, you weren't born a vampire, were you?" I turn to face said vampire directly.** _

_  
**"My Goddess, it is rare that any of our kind are born. I can admit that I was once human."** _

_  
This is not going anywhere. You need to get him out of your hair for good. **But I can't think of how to get rid of my intruder. Then it comes to me.**_

_  
**"Hey, Blood Sucker? What's the difference between you and a mosquito?"** _

_  
**His eye twitches, "Do I even want to know?"** _

_  
**"A mosquito stops sucking when you swat it." I chuckle at my twist to an old joke.** _

_  
**"That is hardly funny." His tone is dry.** _

_  
**"Hey, Blood Sucker? What did the vamp say to his wife?"** _

_  
**"I don't like where this is going." There's a warning edge to his tone now, but I ignore it.** _

_  
**"You're sucking the life out of me."** _

_  
**"Goddess, these are not funny."** _

_  
**"Hey, Blood Sucker?-"** _

_  
**"Stop, please-"** _

_  
**"-What do you call a vampire who walks in the day?" I don't wait for a reply. "Ashie!"** _

_  
**By now I'm doubled over in laughter. I don't even acknowledge his warning growl as one more comes to me.** _

_  
**"Hey Blood Sucker!? What'a a vampire's favorite song?. . . . Another one bites 'til dust! Hahahahahaha!"** _

_  
**There is a slight breeze as I'm pushed against the small counter. The vampire has an arm wrapped around my waist, his knuckles press into the small of my back so his palm is against the counter edge. His other hand clutches the hairs at the base of my skull. The grip forces my head back so I can look him in the face as he glares down at me. Our bodies are toe to toe.** _

_  
Come on, fucker, bring it. **I return his glare with one of my own. My arms rest at my side and I stand still in his embrace. A calm, like back in the alley, has taken hold of me. I fear nothing.** Maybe this time he'll finish the job instead of pussing out._

_  
**"My Goddess, you are trying to anger me into violence. I do not desire to harm you farther than you harm yourself." I do not expect his voice to be so calm and even when he speaks.** _

_  
**"If you don't like my treatment of you then you can leave. I have no intention of treating you kindly and will take great pleasure in causing you harm." Anger sharpens my words.** _

_  
**"It would be remiss of me to lose faith in My Goddess just because she is in a foul mood and lashes out on her loyal subject."** _

_  
**"If I were a deity then I would be a cruel one because I bring pain to all my subjects. Nothing I do is a blessing to them."** _

_  
**To prove my willingness to hurt him in any way possible I dig all my nails into both his sides and rake my fingers down. Fabric rips, giving me better access to his flesh. I waste no time and dig into the exposed skin and repeat the motions. The vampire's eyes darken as his face scrunches in pain, exposing his fangs with the grimace. My hands lift to claw him again when he closes the distance between our bodies.** _

_  
**My lips are crushed by his. My anger turns to shock by the sudden kiss from the creature I was tormenting.** Must be a masochist at heart. **I prepare to dig in harder, but a thumb at the small of my back halts me. It rubs at the sensitive spot along my spine and sends a shiver up my body that ends with a gasp, opening my mouth that allows the vampire to deepen the kiss. His tongue across mine sends a shiver back down to where his thumb brushes and I relax into his touch, kissing him back.**_

_  
His touch is like magic on me. A fantasy come true. My Tzimisce made real. **The vampire is the one to break the kiss, but I make no move to follow his lips, too dazed by it and my revelation. He untangles his hand from my hair and removes the other from behind me as he steps away from me and moves back to the other side of the my hovel. I see a stiffness in his movements as he walks. All this barely registers as I think over my previous thought.**_

_  
**I had participated in a live action role playing game when I was younger with some friends. It was a vampire based one, of course. There were many clans and the one I was embraced in were wanderers. My character had made some unlikely allies and made one of them her lover. Well, two of them, but the other was not as important. Her main lover was embraced as a Tzimisce. The two clans were not at total odds with eachother, just not close minded on everything. Add to the mix that my character was raised reserved and he was a proud slut that enjoyed causing pleasure, it made for interesting nights.** _

_  
**The man that played as my main lover is gay in real life and we never had sex, but talked out what it would be like many times with the group in and out of game. It had become a fantasy so real at times that I referred to the man by his in-game name more often than not. I went so far as to write our activities down as a journal. I had gained a possessiveness over his character and referred to him as 'My Tzimisce' throughout the whole journal. It has been years since I thought about the game, but I never forgot the name, even after we stopped gaming.** _

_  
**These thoughts pass through my head by the time the vampire turns to face me again. He looks more composed than when he was in my face. I absently watch him cross his arms over his chest as I try to figure out what about him made me think of something I hadn't thought of in so long. I don't bother moving from where he left me.** _

_  
**"I do not like you calling me 'blood sucker', Goddess."** _

_  
**I wasn't expecting him to break the silence or my train of thoughts, so I hesitate as I try to change my mindset from one thing to his words.** _

_  
**The best I can reply is, "Huh?"** _

_  
**"You kept calling me 'blood sucker'. I don't care for that title."** _

_  
**My anger returns at his request for me not to call him something he doesn't like.** _

_  
**"Oh? And I care for the title of** _ **goddess** _**? What would you prefer? Fang face? Vamp? Ooohh I know! How about Your Royal Fangness?" I watch a muscle in his jaw jump.** _

_  
**"Those are all very derogatory and tasteless." His lips barely move as he speaks.** _

_  
**"Well, what the hell am I supposed to call you!" I yell in frustration. "It's not like you ever told me what to call you! Not like, 'Hey my name is _____. Nice to meet you.' No! It was more like, 'I'm gonna kill you tonight. You're not afraid of me? How hot. I'm gonna fuck you now and drink from you 'til you pass out. Then I'm gonna take you home and not leave you alone.' Hell, you know my full name! You call me by that even when I told you that I don't like it." My rage has me walking right up to the vampire. "And now- NOW- you want me to RESPECT your** _ **desire** _**to not be called BLOOD SUCKER!" I jab the tips of my fingers into his chest. "Fuck Off! You try and tell me what to call you again and I'll push your ass right out that window! Be damned if I care what you think of what I call you!" I'm practically spitting in his face as I finish my rant.** _

_  
**He looks away, guilt plain on his features, but does nothing to try and escape my assault. It's my turn to cross my arms under my chest as I wait for him to respond to my outburst.** _

_  
**As he turns to face me again I can tell that I made my point. "I have failed in many areas it seems. I had not intended for anything that transpired to happen the way it did. I have told you before that I only know your name because I had to look at your identification to find your living quarters."** _

_  
**"And I told you that I don't like my name and I want to be called Riena."** _

_  
**"Yes, that is true. . . . Where I come from one does not call someone by only part of their name. We take pride in what our parents name us. The times and ways of man may have changed, but I have not. To call you anything less than by your full first name would be foregin and feel as though I am slighting your title even though you wish otherwise."** _

_  
**"I can respect that to a point, but you call me 'goddess' as well. That is not my name and not what I am. And you still dance around what I should call you."** _

_  
**At this he sighs. "You underestimate your power. You are not just a goddess. You are My Goddess. The only woman I will ever worship and let rule my life. I seek to earn your favor in hopes that you may see me worthy of your attention. I call you by the highest title that any can wish to attain. As for what you may call me. . . . that is not so easy. I shed the name I was given at birth when I was reborn as you see me now. The name that was given me after my rebirth was one I lived with for the many years since then. Yet, upon meeting you, I feel that that name no longer fits me as I have found a new meaning to my life under the watchful eye of you. My Goddess."** _

_  
**His words make me feel uncomfortable. Despite me pointing out his failing and doing everything in my power to make him see me for the mortal I am, he sticks to his belief that I am more. Unable to stand so close to him anymore I move to my couch.** _

_  
**"So let me get this right. You were born with one name, changed it when you became a vampire and wish to change it again just because you want to worship me as a goddess?"** _

_  
**"More of, I was given a name by my mother at birth, given a new name by my sire at rebirth and now am in need of another to symbolize a new awakening by you."** _

_  
**"Then why don't you pick a new name for yourself? I mean, if the old ones don't fit who you are now, why haven't you picked one that does fit?"** _

_  
**"One does not simple change their own name because they feel they have changed. It is proven by the one who changed them giving them a new one."** _

_  
**"Wait! Are you trying to tell me that since it was because of me that you have changed that I have to give you a new name?"** _

_  
**"You are correct."** _

_  
**"Well hell. What a burden to place on me."** _

_  
**"It is not a burden, but a privilege. I will remain nameless until you find one that you deem me worthy of carrying."** _

_  
**"Well hell." I sit back on the couch as I think over his words.** He flips my whole life upside down and now _I _have to rename_ Him _? How the hell does that make sense? He's the one that is always changing. Just like. . . ._

_  
**"So I can pick any name for you that I feel fits and you will go by it?"** _

_  
**The vampire looks a little weary but replies, "Yes, that is the way of it."** _

_  
**"Let me think." I tap my finger against my chin as if in deep thought, but really there is no need to think any harder. It came to me a while ago and just needed saying. I wave my hand in a sweeping motion in the vampire's direction and say, "Then from hence forth I shall call you. . . . Dominic."** _

  
**He bows his head to me while looking me in the eyes. "As you wish, Goddess."**

 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Long talks make for no rest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update. Life hit me hard. But I'm gettin back into writing. Hope you enjoy.

Like a flash all the moments that I thought I was dreaming the last few days comes crashing back. Even earlier tonight, when I had tried to bring up the topic of us, Dominic had said something about him being my Tzimisce. I had brushed it off in my sleepy state. Now I wish I hadn't.

  
I start to push myself away to get as far away from Dominic as I can, embarrassed beyond belief by my slip. I had refused time and again to explain why I chose that name for him even though he excepted it as his. At first it was because I wanted to irritate him by not letting him in on my private joke. As time went on it had more to do with a bargaining chip. More recently I refuse because I felt I was being petty all this time but am too stubborn to come clean with the truth. I am very aware of my bad habits. I just don't care how it effects others. Another bad habit in it's own.

  
Before I can make it off the giant beanbag chair Dominic sits up and grabs both my arms, preventing me from fleeing.

  
"Goddess, where do you think you're going? You have failed to answer my question and I would very much like a reply."

  
I can't look at him as I try to pull myself free. I'm sure my whole face is beyond red and my heart is racing in my chest. My mouth opens but all I can get out is a small squeak before I snap it closed.

  
"That is not a reply, My Sweet." Dominic pulls me back into his lap and wraps an arm around my waist. Cupping my chin, he turns my face towards him. I cast my eyes down, still too embarrassed to face him directly.

  
Not seeming to like the lack of eye contact he tilts my head up while lowering his to look up into my downcast gaze. Realizing that this is a time he will not let the subject drop I relax into his grip and ignore my inner discomfort as I look at him directly.

  
"Ok, you win. I'll tell you why I chose this name for you. But in return you can't refer to me by my full name in the presence of others. I can't stop you in private, but I'll be damned if you give my name to people I don't want knowing it. Deal?"

  
Dominic cocks his head to the side and lifts one brow as he thinks over my proposal. _I sit still and wait. I may not get him to stop calling me His Goddess but I may be able to get him to stop with calling me the dreadful name I hate._

  
His hand slides behind my neck and draws me closer. I let him even though I don't know what he intends to do. _How do I trust him so?_ Our lips are almost touching when he stops pulling me close.

  
"Shall we seal this deal with a kiss then, My Adriena?" The words are a bare whisper. Each word formed makes his lips brush against mine. I don't even care that he used my name again as tingles run across my mouth.

  
"Yessssss." I breath out, unable to think of anything else but wanting that last bit of distance between our lips gone.

  
My desire is granted as Dominic presses his mouth against mine. I melt into it and wrap my arms around his neck. We have kissed many times over the last year. I have no doubt that this kiss is the most spectacular of them all. We didn't use our tongues or open our mouths to deepen it. Just two sets of lips molding to each-other. No sexual energy underlying it in the least. Yet, I feel closer to the vampire with this kiss, more so than with any other we've shared previously.

  
By some unspoken signal we pull away at the same time. I'm a little dazed by the kiss and it takes me a minute to catch my breath. My Vampire holds me steady while my heart rate returns to normal.

  
"Are you able to speak yet?"

  
I hesitate over my explanation. _He has been waiting a long time for me to explain. I agreed to tell him and sealed it with a kiss. Time to 'fes up._ I take a deep breath and tell him the origin of his latest name.

  
I tell him of the days that I gamed with some friends years ago. About the gay man that was my in-game lover. All the times we sat and discussed how that relationship would play out. I tell him things I don't have to, going into detail about the game and what our roles were. How our characters met and what made us become lovers. I explain all the qualities of a Tzimisce and go into details of my own character. We get up and move to the kitchen when my stomach grumbles, but I keep telling the vampire about adventures I had with his namesake. I eat and talk and answer his occasional questions, feeling relief that he doesn't judge me and seems to really enjoy hearing about my game life. Then, I tell him about the night I first made the comparison.

  
". . . Even had you not made me pick a name for you, I'm sure that I would have kept thinking of you as that 'Dominic'. I know he was just a persona, but all the things you have in common. . . . I still can't help making comparisons."

  
"I thank you, Goddess. You have given me a name that means much to you. Your reason for doing so is astounding and makes me even more proud to bare it. You have also given me a peek into your past that I enjoyed hearing about. If you had not declared the man that played your lover to be homosexual I'm sure I would have been more jealous of him than I already am. As it is, he was able to spend time with you that I will never be able to. Not just the time of your youth but time in the daylight and being able to act out made up characters in a fictional world. All I can hope to do is spend as many fleeting hours of the night with you and try to ease the pains in your soul."

  
"Oh, Dominic." I walk over to where he sits in a kitchen chair and straddle his lap, resting my hands on his shoulders as he wraps his around my waist. "Those days are marred by the terrors that haunt me today. I had to leave that world behind because it could not save me from the reality that is my life. In all the years that've past since then there has been nothing to bring me as much comfort as you being here every night. You chase away my demons and make me forget how to be sad. Even when we get into arguments, my anger takes the place of-," I cut myself off, not wanting to say the words I barely think. "You mean more to me now than those days did then." I finish instead.

  
_Why the hell am I saying all this to him? Why do I feel such compulsions to let him in on so much? Why does he mean so much to me when all this time I've just wanted him gone? Why does it hurt to think of him ever leaving?_

  
All these thoughts cloud my head as I sit in Dominic's lap. Something of what is going through my mind must show, because he reaches up with one hand and brushes a thumb across my brow.

  
"It seems as if you question the truth of your words, My Adriena. I may not be able to live up to the fantasy of my namesake but I do wish to make these furrows in your brow to come less frequently." The pain that tints his words makes my blood run cold.

  
"No!" My sudden yell makes us both jump. I inhale and try again. "No. I do not question my words honesty. I question my desire to be so honest with you. I haven't been so forthcoming in the past year. To you or anyone else. It's like some switch in me has been flipped and I want to be closer to you in ways I never expected. It's confusing and I fear that I will do something stupid. Something that will make you hate me. That scares me more than anything else you could do to me."

  
"After all this time, how could you expect to be able to do anything that would make me hate you? You have been down-rite cruel in some of your actions and I still come back every night."

  
I blush as I think over all the insults, the taunts, even how I tried to kill him more than once. . . on purpose. Ashamed for all that I did in spite I duck my head. Dominic lifts my head back up to meet my guilty stare.

  
"Do not feel shame in actions past. You tested me time and again. It would be my failing to take all you did at face value when I could see the hurt under it all. I promise I will not let myself be your personal punching bag any longer, but that does not mean I do not already forgive all from before."

  
A tear runs down my cheek and slides along the hand still holding my face. Neither of us pay it any mind as we search each-others eyes for information. We ask without speaking. We ask for understanding, forgiveness, honesty. We ask for a chance to prove ourselves. Tension fills the room while I sit so still in Dominic's lap. _I want to believe him. I want to open up like I haven't in years. He's already proven I can't just scare him away. But I don't want him to stick around out of pity. No. He doesn't pity me. He desires me. That I know for a fact. If nothing else, I know that._ I straighten my spine and nod once as I make up my mind.

  
"You are My Dominic. Not just a persona of a gamer and his friends. You are not My Tzimisce in the same manner as that Dominic. I will not call you by that if you so wish. Only you will be able to call me Goddess. You have earned that rite in more ways than one." I smile ruefully. "Besides, it's not like I could convince you to do otherwise." I chuckle as I concede defeat over this long drawn out battle.

  
Dominic smiles slowly then joins me in laughing. The tension that had built falls away as our laughter grows. Our arms wrap around each-other and we laugh hard and long. I had fought so hard to get him to stop calling me His Goddess it just seems so funny to finally give in. My ribs are hurting and the muscles in my stomach are cramping as we slowly cease our hysterics and catch our breaths. Well, I need to catch my breath while the vampire seems to have none of the problems I am having.

  
I lean into his chest and rest my head on his shoulder while he rubs my back. _I could get used to this. Go to work during the day. Come home to him at night. Yeah, I'd like that._ My gaze falls on the vase of roses on the kitchen table. Most of them already show signs of dying while a few still stand tall and proud. In the center the metal rose stands the tallest. _He's right. It does stand out besides all the rest. It's both dark and light, like us. I am the darkness and he is the light._

  
"I do not mind the other title." Dominic breaks our comfortable silence.

  
"Huh?" I lift my head as I try to understand what he is talking about.

  
"Being your Tzimisce. I cannot call you by your given name in public, yet you have agreed you like being called 'Goddess Adriena.' You may call me Tzimisce in private as well. It can be our own nicknames for each-other, so to speak, that only we know. You will be the only one able to call me that as I am the only one to call you My Goddess. A fair trade, don't you think?"

  
"I'm sure if I put more thought into it I can find many flaws in your logic. . . ." I cock my head to the side as I think over what he just proposed.

  
"Then do not think it over. Let it be and let us retire to bed. The sun is on the rise and you have barely slept."

  
My eyes widen as I look out the kitchen window and, sure enough, see the sky is starting to lighten. We had been talking so long that I hadn't noticed the time. I read the microwave clock and see that it is past six in the morning. A wave of sleepiness washes over me and I yawn. Dominic chuckles under me as my yawn turns into a full body stretch. If he wasn't holding me in his lap I would now be on the ground.

  
Once my head clears I get up and watch in envy as he stands with ease and no signs of locked joints or being tired. Taking his hand we walk to my room in silence.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Despite my tiredness I am unable to sleep. Dominic lays peacefully next to me in bed, having fallen asleep almost instantly after climbing in.

  
I shift out from under his arm and sit up to get a better look at him. What I see melts some of the cold off my heart.

  
The shallow lines on his forehead are smooth and there is no pucker between his brows that I see every time he looks at me. _He's always looked too perfect to me I guess I never noticed the finer details._ His jaw is relaxed and I can almost swear I see a small uplift at the corners of his mouth. I trail my gaze down to his bare chest.

  
It doesn't rise and fall like living humans. He just lies there, like dead body. If I try and find a heartbeat I know I wouldn't. My head was just resting on his chest and I heard nothing. Without a pulse, and technically being the living-dead, you would think he was cold. But no. More like room temp. No hotter or colder than the air in the room, just warmer where I was laying against him.

  
_Kinda odd thinking you're sleepin' with a livin' corpse, huh. A non-aging, perpetually young, handsome, and non-decaying corpse, but still by all rights he should of been dead long before you were born. If his way of speaking and upbringing says much._

  
I shake my head at the twisted thought. I've had many long conversations with all kinds of people about the semantics of being with a vampire. Every view is different and I could really care less at this point. All that talk had been with the assumption that vampires are not real creatures. Well, I have living proof in my bed. _Sort of._

  
A glance at my alarm clock tells me it's almost time for the alarm to go off. I heave a heavy sigh and climb off my side of the bed. _Sleep is for the dead._ I pause as what I thought hits me. I place a hand over my mouth as I try not to laugh at the absurdity of that statement and turn off the alarm. Like the last time Dominic stayed in my bed, I gather some clean clothes and creep out without waking him.

  
I get ready for work and eat a light breakfast with lots of caffeine. I haven't pulled a long night in a while and I knew the day was going to feel long, but I refused to call in due to my own inability catch a few hours rest. Even as tempting as it is to just play hooky and sleep the day away next to my new boyfriend. _Wow, I never thought I'd be saying that again_.

  
With my purse in hand I walk out the front door with more of a bounce in my step than I've had in a long time.

 


	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The things that haunt.

  
The day has drags on, much like I anticipated. A slow day behind the counter, but a long day for manager work. The next weeks hours have to be made, order forms filled and sent, stock put away, and a slicer decides it doesn't want to work.

  
Three cans of soda, two aspirin, and eight hours later I'm walking out the door to head home. Just as I'm reaching my car my phone goes off with a very familiar ring tone.

  
"Shit, I haven't gotten back to El." I cringe as I hit the talk button.

  
"Heeeeeyyyyy, Girly. You ain't in your car yet are you?" Ella's too cheerful voice comes over the speaker.

  
"Not yet. But I'm getting in now." I say as I unlock the driver side door, "But I got a few. What's up?"

  
"I need to know when you are free again so we can go take care of this thing with Kiino. Like for real girl." I can hear the pleading in her voice.

  
_I so don't want to go up there again, but I should of spoken up when I knew about the I.D.'s and this whole thing could of been taken care of already. SHIT!_ "Yeah, I was gonna call you when I got home," I lie, "I have a rare weekend off so we can go Friday night. . . .Early." I put a lot of emphasis on early.

  
"Yeah yeah. And you can be home before midnight like a lame." I can hear Ella rolling her eyes. "So I'll pick you up-"

  
"No!" I cut her off, "You will give me the exact address and I will drive up there myself. You can either ride with me or meet me up there, but I will not be taking a cab home again."

  
"But-"

  
"No buts. It's either my way or you can wait til I feel like goin' out again."

  
There's a long groan on the other end and I wait for Ella to agree. There were many times in the past that I let her hijack me and keep me with her for grand adventures. I'll admit that I dragged her into a few of my own, but this was not going to be one of those times.

  
". . . .Fiiiiine. I'll text you the address and we can meet up there," she concedes, "but can you stay for at least one drink and support me for whatever Kiino decides. I'll even let you film. Pleeeeaassssssse."

  
_Why do I let her talk me into this kind of stuff?_ "ONE drink. Depending on what it is, I'll stay. But only until eleven thirty. And we meet up there by nine. Deal?"

  
"Deal! I can't wait! Love you, Girly!"

  
"I love you too. Now I need to get home so good-bye."

  
"Bye." With that, Ella hangs up.

  
I place my head on the steering wheel and release a heavy sigh. Then my head pops up as I remember I didn't tell her about Dominic. _Oh well. I'll just text her later. She's gonna kill me when she finds out, but hell, not like she's done well at keepin' me up to date on her love life._

  
Then I mentally kick myself. I've been pushing her away for the past year and only going out with her as little as possible. And most of those times we didn't get a chance to have a heart to heart like we used to. Just like the unfinished talk in The Club's bathroom. Guilt fills me as I start up the ignition and drive home. I don't deserve to have her in my life. But I'm gonna make it up to her. I have to.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
_**The water is up to my ankles. I try to lift my feet out but they won't rise. I shift and my foot slides forward. I can glide my feet under the water. I look around for a direction. I can't see anything that isn't me. Something is out there, though. I can feel eyes on me. I move in the direction opposite the feeling of eyes. One slow shift at a time. It feels like skating on ice, the ground is so slick. I stumble when my feet get too close to each-other. I over balance and fall backwards to land hard on my butt. My feet are still glued to the ground so I struggle to stand up again. My white dress clings to the back of my legs.** I don't wear white dresses. Why am I wearing white? Where am I?_

  
**_The water has slowly been rising. I notice because it's halfway up my shins. I try and slide my feet faster across the ground. Panic is setting in. I hear a laugh that seems to come from everywhere. I move faster. Losing balance again, I fall forward, my hands hit the bottom as if there was no water to soften the blow. I cry out in pain as I try to pull myself up again. My feet are no longer stuck to the bottom but the water is up to my knees now. The dress clings heavy on me and slows my movements. I run as fast as I can. The water just keeps getting deeper and deeper. The eyes bore into my back. The laughter keeps ringing around me._ **

  
**_I have to use my hands to keep balance in the waist deep flood. I slip again and go completely under. I thrash my way back to the surface. The water is up to my chest. I still can't see anything. I think I'm crying. I strain to see into the darkness around me. Still nothing but inky black._ **

  
**_I can't swim. I can't run. There is nowhere for me to go. I turn to stare down the eyes watching me. I can see their shadowy form in the nothing. One set. Two. Dozens. I don't blink. I stop treading the water around me even as it reaches up to my chin. I brace for whatever may come. . . ._ **

  
_**Then I hear something new. A voice calling. Calling to me, but I can't make out the words.** It doesn't matter. It's to late for me. **Yet the voice keeps getting closer, faster than the shadow eyes approach. The water is up over my chin.**_

  
**_"Adriena. . . . . My Sweet. . . . I've got you."_ **

  
_It's too late._

  
**_"No it's not. Just hold on to me and I'll chase away all the bad."_ **

  
**_I sense something besides me. I look over and see a hand. I look higher and see eyes. But these eyes are not like the shadow eyes. They shine in the dark. They promise hope and salvation. They make me yearn for something I've never had before. Something without hurt. Something without conditions. Something. . . . ._ **

  
**_The water is up to my nose. The shadow eyes are almost on me. My time is running out. I reach up and take the hand and. . . ._ .**

 

  
"Goddess, it's ok. I have you. You are safe in my arms."

  
A hand caresses my head. There is a warm body beneath me. I'm holding on to something for dear life. Slowly, I open my eyes.

  
I look down at the hand in mine that I'm holding onto like a life line. Then I shift and look up into the bright eyes of Dominic as he continues to stroke my hair. Memories start coming back to me.

  
I had gotten home from work. Dominic was awake and making me dinner in nothing but his jeans. I had admired his form, and skill. We exchanged small talk about what we did while apart, (He mostly slept and went out to feed) and I told him about my plans to meet up with Ella on Friday. He didn't look pleased with the idea of me going out again, or maybe it was just going out with Ella, but otherwise made no objections to it. After I ate we moved to the living room and were content to just watch a movie and cuddle. I'd curled up next to Dominic on the couch, only paying half attention to the movie he picked, and must of passed out because the last thing I remember was a drag race and now the end credits were finishing.

  
"Mmmm sorry." I mumble to Dominic.

  
"What are you sorry for?" He asks with a puzzled look on his face.

  
"For falling asleep on you." I reply as I shift into a more upright position.

  
"Goddess?"

  
"Mmmmm?"

  
"Did you even get any sleep when we went to bed?"

  
I look away guiltily. Dominic cups my chin and turns my face back to his.

  
"My Sweet, if you could not rest and did not get the sleep you needed earlier, then why should I be upset that you fell asleep on me now. Do not feel guilty that you are tired. Even the undead need their rest." He brushes a hair away from my face. "Besides, it was nice to watch you sleep while you snore."

  
I give an indignant humph. "I'm so glad my snoring is entertaining to you. I'd bet you'd think it was even better if I was droolin' down your shirt too." I move completely away from Dominic and push to get off the couch. He is fast as he grabs my wrist and twists me so I land in his lap with a heavy plop.

  
"My Sweet Goddess, had you drooled all down the front of my shirt I would not have minded in the least. It would have meant you were in a deep peaceful sleep that you rarely have. I find you no less attractive for snoring _or_ drooling. It is just a way someone sleeps."

  
I bury my head in his shoulder to hide my blooming blush. I am flattered that he finds nothing wrong with my sleep habits, but I'm ashamed that he notices that my sleep is almost always disturbed by bad dreams.

  
Even as a child I can not remember a night that my dreams let me sleep the whole night through. The only times I'm even sure that I didn't wake in the middle of the night, in some sort of panic, were because I was so exhausted that even the fear of unknown demons couldn't wake me.

  
"Why are you hiding your face from me?"

  
"I don't want you to see me blush." I mumble into his shoulder.

  
"Of all the things you could fear me seeing you do, you choose _blushing_ as the ultimate embarrassment? Thus creating a viscous cycle where the more you blush the more embarrassed you become and so on and so forth."

  
"It's brain logic. Don't try to make sense of it."

  
Dominic lifts my head from his shoulder. "Be honest with me. It is not that you don't want me to see you blush. I have seen you blush many times and never once did you try and hide your face from me."

  
As I look into his eyes I argue with myself. I could tell him that all the other times were different because I was some form of angry and petulant at the time. That all those times we were not a couple and it makes me more self-conscious now. Or I can just tell him the truth. Not just half truths.

  
Forcing myself to relax against Dominic, I shift in his lap and rest my head in the crook of his neck. Not quit hiding my face, but not able to make eye contact with him either. I know that he's not going to like this, but I just can't confess this while looking at him.

  
Dominic seems to understand as he wraps one arm around my waist and the other over my legs as my body starts to shake.

  
One last inhale and a quivering exhale and I'm ready to talk.

  
"I don't like my nightmares. . . ."

  
"That is why they are called 'nightmares'. They are dreams that show you all your fears."

  
"Not just that they are scary. I've been scared enough in my life and have faced more of my fears than I can count.-" I pause as I try to find the words to express this. "It's not that they scare me. It's that they show me the way that I feel- just let me explain!" I cut off Dominic before he can interrupt again. "Falling dreams are the most common. They represent a feeling of no control and loss of ground to stabilize, for the most part. Those are the easy ones for me. I have dreams of running and never escaping. Just being able to stay out of reach of the things chasing me. Ones where I replay a moment of the day where I felt inadequate, but I stand up for myself and make myself clear, then everything is worse 'cause they don't like that I stood my ground and they beet me down, telling me how worthless I am. . . ."

  
My body is shaking so hard it's getting harder to talk. Tears are threatening to fall, but I won't let them. Now Dominic is rubbing my suddenly freezing flesh, trying to bring warmth and calm back into it. I take another deep breath and try again.

  
"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I hate that I can't get enough control in my life to make the nightmares stop pointing that out. And the more I fail, the worse the nightmares. Then to make things worse, you see me wake up to them in panics and try to reassure me that their nothing more than bad dreams, and each time I keep thinking that if I'm truly the _goddess_ you think I am then I would have better control and these nightmares wouldn't happen anymore."

  
A heavy silence falls over us. Dominic keeps rubbing me gently. It's his turn to take a deep breath and let out a sigh.

  
"Oh, Goddess. You still think so little of yourself. Even the great _God_ that many worship today was unable to control the actions of his first humans. Because he was unable to, he cast them from a sacred land as punishment and forced them into a life of suffering. He refused to take responsibility in giving them free will and a temptation they were hard pressed to resist. His greatest failing is pride and hated being disobeyed. So by casting them out, he no longer had to see his perfect world tainted by his own flawed creation. The stain will forever be there, of course, but he will no longer see the source of that stain.

  
"Every god and goddess, throughout time, has some great flaw that many ignore due to the greatness of each one. The same sins that are condemned on earth are carried and acted upon by each deity. You cannot control the world around you, nor how you feel about everyone's actions towards you. All deities get worshiped and cursed for their abilities to make things go certain ways. Every human wants things to go their way all the time. Whether it be for the good of all people or just themselves.

  
"You are more powerful than you believe, but are to afraid to test your limits. Once you free yourself from the belief that you are no more than a common mortal human you will have the power to rid yourself of these bad dreams. I may be the only one worshiping you now, but one day you will have many who will see you for what you are. They will flock to you and ask for your greatness to be bestowed on them. You will be unable to please them all. Some will leave because of this. That is the way of mortals.

  
"This has been the way of your life already. People ask for your time and company, and when you decline, they curse you. When you do this enough times, they turn their backs on you. Until it is convenient for them to need you."

  
I sit up and face Dominic. "How can you be so sure, though? You have admitted, yourself, that I am the first goddess you have ever met. How can you be sure that I am what you say I am?"

  
"My Goddess Adriena, I could live century after century and, unless you were to be re-incarnated, you will be the only goddess I am blessed with meeting. As for how? Many years ago I met a man who taught me how to look for a goddess. He had a goddess of his own and loved her dearly. I seen the way he looked at her. That man would walk on water if she told him he could."

  
"Hmm. Sounds like someone I once knew. But his goddess, as he explained it, left him to return to her throne. He claimed that she would one day return and make him-" I stop. It has been years since I talked about the old man in the woods. I stopped talking about him shortly after he died. _After the reading of his will_. Talking about him hurts too much, so I change the subject. "Anyway, you're a vampire. Can't you do cool things, like walk on water and fly? Why would you need a goddess to tell you you can do stuff if you already can?"

  
"Please, My Sweet, do me a favor and stay away from vampire themed everything. At least don't go near it unless I can be there to make sure you are not being mislead. I cannot walk on water as I am not buoyant enough to do so. I can swim really well though. I, also, cannot fly. If I jump from a great enough height, I can end up as a pancake just as much as anyone else. Though, should I not sustain major injury to my heart or head, I could heal myself and be able to walk away. I am not inclined to prove it as, should I survive, it would take a few human lives to replenish the blood loss I would suffer."

  
"But wait! You are super fast all the time. Plus you can see me in the dark and have some mad fighting skills."

  
"Ah, well the fighting skills I honed many years before my rebirth and just kept up on them. The rest can be simply explained by my senses becoming heightened afterward my rebirth. My night vision was exceptional to start. Becoming as I am now made seeing things at night as if I'm seeing them in broad daylight. Though I have known a few that were close to blind before their rebirth and still need glasses to see far. Speed is another thing heightened. I don't wear out the same way as humans, so I can push myself to my limits and keep myself there as long as I need, to a point."

  
"To a point?"

  
"Think of the blood I drink as an energy drink. The more I have in me the more energy I have. The more energy, the longer I can go before I have to feed again. If I use great amounts of energy fighting or running then, needless to say, I must feed more frequently."

  
"Well, at least some things in lore is right. Maybe well disguised by lots of crap, but still right. I guess that I'm gonna have to treat them all like the same fantasy that I have before meeting you, like fan fic, and learn all the facts from you first hand."

  
"You must be aware that I cannot share all the secrets of my kind with you. With all the power you posses, in a fit of rage, you can destroy us all."  
"Oh, Lover," I lean forward and plant a small kiss on Dominic's lips, "you should know me better than that." I push away and stand up. "I only take my rage out on those that have earned it. As you are the only vamp I've had the pleasure to meet, I will be sure to only use any knowledge I obtain against you, only as you deserve it." With a swish of my hips and a mischievous look over my shoulder, I leave the living room and head down the hall.

  
Dominic doesn't immediately follow. Instead, tries calling me back from his seat on the couch. "Goddess? What was that look for? Would you please explain? _Goddess_!?"

  
I'm halfway down the hall and turn into the bathroom just as I hear him coming after me. My night-shirt is on the floor by the time he makes it in behind me.  
"My-" Whatever he was about to say catches in his throat as I face him and start pushing down my underwear.

  
" _Yeeesssss?_ " I drawl, an all too innocent look on my face.

  
I watch as carnal hunger fills Dominic's eyes. My body heats up with my own desire.

  
"Vamp? My neck is up here."

  
". . .Um-ah- Yes. Yes! What was I saying? No! Not what I was saying. You and a certain look."

  
_Glad to see he still has human failings._ "What about my look?" I place my hands on my hips and cock them slightly.

  
"You look absolutely amazing." My blood heats up at his fervent tone. "May I ask why you are standing here naked?"

  
"Well, this is a _bathroom_ , and I thought a shower before heading to bed for the night would be nice. But I suddenly have a conflicting thought."

  
"And what might that be, My Sweet?"

  
"Well. . . .If I wash myself now, then when we go to bed together, if we decide to re-consummate our relationship, I'll have to clean up all over again. _Whatever shall I do?_ "

  
One second, then two, passes as Dominic process's my words. On the third second I watch his eyes flick from me to the shower. The shower back to me. Then, a broad smile crosses his face.

  
Dominic takes one step closer, places his hands on my shoulders, and leads me two steps back so we're stand besides the tub. He lets go and reaches down to turn on the shower. Water spurts from above half a second after he pulls the curtain closed.

  
As he looks back to me there is pure hunger his eyes. My stomach muscles clench as I reach to unfasten the button on his jeans. I lick my lips as I lower the zipper. My breath catches as I push the pants off his hips. The entire time we stare into each-other's eyes. Reading, searching, speaking, trying to understand what the other is thinking.

  
I give up before he does. Instead, I just stand and let him read as much of me as he can as the water warms, and my mind does what it does best. Question everything.

  
_How did I get lucky enough to be with this man? What have I ever done to deserve this kind of adoration? He deserves better than me. Yet, for some unfathomable reason, he wants me. And now I can't hide how much I want him. Looking into his eyes, it's like being entranced. How has he got me hypnotized? I've been able to look away from him before. I've had staring contests and won. This time is so different. This time I'm opening up to him, not trying to hide behind anger. So much anger. One day that anger will drive him away. I'm just gonna make the best of the time I have with him until then. Until he sees that I'm no goddess. That I am worthless_.

  
There is a brief scrunching between Dominic's eyebrows. Just as I'm about to ask why, he pushes the shower curtain back some and steps under the steaming spray.

  
My eyes follow the water as it cascades over his flesh. Watching it pocket in the dip above his collar bone. Overflow to spill down, making patterns across his abs, circling around stiff nipples, tracing the contours of firm abs. All the way down to be parted by an erection that looks so enticing that I want to drop to my knees, right here, and wet it with my mouth.

  
Dominic reaches his hand out and takes mine, gently pulling me towards him. I step over the edge of the tub with shaky legs. He pulls the curtain closed behind me and the warmth and steam engulf us. He stands under the spray as he turns me so I can watch the water rain on him from behind. Water bounces off of him in a mist that sprays overs me. Now it's his turn to watch the water flow down my body.

  
My breast stiffen when I see the hunger on his face. His eyes follow the water down me until they catch on the hairs between my thighs. I'm watching him so intensely that I see the moment a shiver of anticipation starts, then ripples up his body. For the second time in less than ten minutes, I want to drop to my knees and worship this vampire. For the second time, he has other ideas as he reaches back to grab my loofah. As he squeezes my body wash onto the loofah I scoop it away. He cocks an eyebrow at me in question.

  
_My turn for control_. I smile too sweetly again as I stretch my hand with the loofah past him to catch some of the water. I blindly rub the soap in until I feel a nice lather, all the while exchanging looks with Dominic, then start washing him.

  
I start with his abs and work my way up his pecs. Down one arm, then the other. I watch my hands as they move across his body, his eyes following my every move.With his front done I make him turn around so I can work on his back. I take in every inch of this part of his anatomy. The smooth lines that mark muscle definition; the slight curving dip along his waist to his buttocks; the grooves along his spine. Perfectly unflawed compared to my scar riddled body.

  
Not wanting more dark thoughts to distract me, I continue down and wash the backs of both his legs. While still kneeing, I have Dominic turn around again. I very pointedly ignore his erection as I finish washing his legs up to his hips. Then, sitting on my heels, I look all the way up to Dominic's face.

  
The water is again flowing down over his shoulders. Waving, twisting, ever changing rivers of fluid running down his body, washing away the soapy bubbles. I set the loofah aside as I reach up and grab his cock. He inhales sharply, eyes drooping semi-closed, as I press my mouth around the head. I flick my tongue around the morsel and enjoy the shiver passing through him. My free hand goes on his hip while I take more of his length into my mouth. When he's in to the back of my mouth I pull away until only the head sits inside, then I push forward, opening my throat some, to take more of him in. I do this repeatedly until my lips meet the soft curls surrounding his cock.

  
"Ooohh, Goddess! What you are doing should be a sin, but because it is you, is more like a blessing."

  
I don't favor him with a rely, as my mouth is too full, but proceed sucking and licking and swallowing his engorged member. The water from above slides down his cock when I pull back, helping lubricate my mouth every time I suck him back in, and I swallow that with him. _Mmmm, tastes like Vampire._ There doesn't seem to be enough of him that I can get as I keep pumping my head over and over again, until Dominic wraps one hand in my hair and pulls back.

  
"Mmmm, I wasn't finished yet." I whine.

  
"We both know I cannot cum this way alone. And I'd much rather it be inside a different hole." He says as he pulls me to my feet, one hand on my shoulder and the other still in my hair. "Besides, it is my turn to wash you." He proclaims before tugging my head back and plunges his tongue past my lips.  
My hands reach up, grabbing his upper arms, to steady myself under his assault. Our tongues twine, tease, and glide along each-other as we taste the flavors of each-other. By the time we part I am breathless. Only Dominic's arm around my waist keeps me from sinking back to my knees.

  
"I don't believe I will ever tire of taking your breath away."

  
I raise a brow at Dominic's comment, silently questioning his meaning.

  
"Because you have stolen my breath away the first time I ever saw you."

  
"But you were a vampire long before you ever met me. You haven't needed to breath for, like, a _looong_ time."

  
"Ah, Goddess," Dominic rests his forehead against mine. "Another endearing quality of yours. Alas, now is not a time I wish to discuss semantics." He leads me back a half step before crouching down, making sure the shower water doesn't spray in my face, to grab the loofah I dropped.

  
The hot water feels cool to my over-heated libido, which over-heats more as My Vampire puts more soap on the loofah while still crouched down. He looks up at me with desire through the water spray before turning his attention to my legs.

  
Dominic cups a hand behind my left calf, lifting my leg slowly so I can re-balance, and starts washing my foot. When he runs the loofah along the underside I twitch and almost slip.

  
"Goddess, I may have many skills, but if you tip backwards, even I will be unable to keep you from falling."

  
"S-sorry." I say around a slight giggle. "The bottom of my feet are very ticklish and are worse when wet."

  
"Then I will do my best not to tickle your feet. But please try not to slip while you squirm." He admonishes before returning to his task.

  
Once again, even though he uses more pressure, my foot twitches and I let out a bark of laughter. A low growl draws my eyes back down and wipes the mirth from my face. Dominic locks eyes with me, a heat so deep in his I feel captivated. I feel my heart flutter. He blindly lathers my whole foot, then up my leg to my knee. Then he switches legs and does the same with the other, not once breaking eye contact. I don't laugh or squirm again.

  
Satisfied that I'm not at risk of falling anymore, he looks back down and continues where he left off on my legs. Dominic doesn't make me turn, choosing instead to reach between my legs, to wash the backs of my thighs. He is bare inches away from my groin, yet pays attention to my thighs as if they are the sexiest part of me, making sure every inch is rubbed clean with firm gentle strokes. I silently thank myself for shaving recently. _Who are you kidding? Even if you hadn't, he wouldn't have cared. He's not like-_

  
I stop myself from comparing this creature to My Past. There is nothing about It that I miss. The only thing My Past gave me was life lessons that left me jaded for far too long. The man at my feet has given me a new hope for what I've always wanted.

  
My heart hitches again, painfully, as a few tears slip free and mingle with the rest of the water falling on me. Luckily for me Dominic doesn't look up before I can push these hurtful thoughts back and recompose my face. I force myself back into this erotic moment.

  
Just in time, too, as Dominic starts washing along my buttocks. He leans in and presses a small kiss in the crevice along my pelvis, right where he left a hickey that's only slightly faded. A new shiver runs up my body, starting where his lips touch and ending in in my chest, making my breast taut and nipples stiffen. He makes a quick glance up, smiles knowingly, then drops fully down to his knees, sitting much as I had earlier on the tub floor.

  
_He couldn't know I was lost in dark thoughts for a moment there, could he? I mean-_ My worries are interrupted when Dominic takes my left leg and lifts it over his shoulder. It takes me less than a heartbeat to realize his intent before he places his mouth against my pussy lips. He attacks my groin with as much enthusiasm as he had my mouth earlier, dipping his tongue past these lips just as quickly. I place one hand back on the wall, the other in his hair, and let a long moan out. The pleasure builds, the water bouncing off my chest and running down my body, adding to the sensations My Vampire's already creating. My fingers tighten in his hair and my breathing becomes laborious as an orgasm builds. His fingers dig into my lifted thigh and opposite hip, a low growl of enjoyment from him and, with a yell, I cum. My juices flow down onto his waiting tongue. He laps and sucks it up while drawing out my orgasm. It seems like ages before I can catch my breath enough to say actual words.

  
"Fuck!"

  
Dominic draws his face away and looks up. "Not yet. I'm not done washing you." Pure cockiness plain on his face.

  
"That's not what I meant. And if you keep this up I won't let you finish washing me. Or worse, I won't let you get off."

  
"Oh, but Goddess," he pauses to flick the tip of his tongue against my clit, which causes me to quiver, "if I don't get off, then I can just keep making you cum. Again and again and again-"

  
"Ok, I get the point. But you better hurry up 'cause the water's getting cooler and I still have to get to bed some time tonight."

  
"I can assist with one issue right now."

  
Dominic lets me go enough to reach behind him and adjust the nob. The water gets just as hot as it was when we started.

  
"Better?"

  
"For now. Still, let us continue or I will insist we retire for the night and pick up where we left off tomorrow."

  
"There will be no need for that, My Sweet." He takes back up the loofah and, once again lathering it, _(I have to remember to get more soap)_ picks up where he left off.

  
He starts with my belly, taking as much care with washing this as had with my thighs. I ignore my insecurities by running my hand through his hair as he works his way across the expense of flesh. By the time he moves his hands behind me to wash my back, the shower flow has washed the suds from my front, and Dominic places several gentle kisses along my belly. Each kiss seemingly random. Each kiss chasing away a bit of self-consciousness.

  
My Dominic rises to his feet, blocking the water flow, and washes both my arms. I watch in fascination at his attentiveness. The dark hairs along my forearms don't give him pause. The stretch marks at my armpits are just another groove in my skin for all the notice he gives them. He's treating every sign of my inferiority as I was treating every inch of his glory. Something is stirring in my heart, but I ignore it.

  
Dominic finishes along my shoulders and looks into my eyes, a soft smile on his lips. The stirring in my heart moves faster.

  
"Kiss me, Dominic."

  
"As you wish."

  
Dominic leans down and presses his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck as he cups my bottom. Our lips mold and reshape each-other's as I'm lifted and leaned against the wall, the water falling on both of us. My legs spread on either side of Dominic as he slides in slowly. I moan and open my mouth. He slips his tongue back in just as his cock hits as deep as it can go.

  
And that sets the pace of our shower sex. His hands slowly rising and lowering me. Our tongues following each-other into the other in time with every drop and lift of my body onto his sex. My hands twine within his hair while warm water courses over us. Every dark thought thoroughly chased away. Anything that is wrong with me doesn't matter in this moment. Nothing else makes sense but this. This vampire and I. We are all that there is.

  
My next orgasm comes too soon and not soon enough. I tip my head back to scream out loud and long. Dominic gently presses his teeth against my exposed neck. I dig my fingers into his scalp, pushing his face harder into my neck, and cry out a quick yes. My scream turns into a deep moan when his fangs pierce my flesh. A fresh orgasm takes over my body and I feel him cum inside me. It's almost too much, yet still not enough.

  
Dominic licks the fresh wound and lifts his head from my neck. I lower my face to give My Vampire a quick kiss before he lifts me off to set back on my feet under the water flow. The rest of the shower clean-up goes fast and then we get out to dry ourselves. Dominic offers to dry me, but I refuse. _I need sleep tonight and I don't need to be wound back up with more sexual tension._

  
Mostly dry and sexually sated, we curl up together in my bed. My head cradled on his shoulder with his arm around my waist. One of my arms tucked between us with the other on his chest. For the first time, in what seems like forever, I don't worry about what the morning will bring.

  
_He's mine. He's not gonna just leave me. I don't question who he's with when he's gone. He's mine as long as I'm his._

  
My heart twists as if something is trying to break free. Some long forgotten emotion trying to be felt. But I push it back. I'm not ready for that. I sigh in contentment. There is a vague impression of a tear running down my face. _But why should I be crying? I'm happy._ This is my last thought before sleep claims me. 

 


	21. Chapter Twenty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A long day with a long road ahead

After another long day at work I'm in no mood to be going to The Club. _But you promised_. I curse myself for the umpteenth time today.

  
I've cussed myself out for: sleeping in, almost causing a car accident in my hurry to get to work on time, for the five minute panic attack I let myself have in the parking lot at work, snapping at employees for misdemeanors, getting so flustered I accidentally slammed my fingers in a door, snagging my apron and ripping the string, and the list goes on.

  
All I really want to do now is curl up in Meat Wad and cuddle with Dominic when I get home. But, no, I have to change, grab a quick bite, and drive all the way to meet up with El. _At least once this is over you don't have to go back. It is a loooong way to go just to have drinks and just, you know, kick it, with people that don't judge you while having fun_.

  
I pause with my hand on the door handle to my house. _Was I having that much fun? There were a few hic-ups with Mr. Thornberries and the dick on the dance floor. I did drink a little more than I should have. The songs were good. Most of the people I met were nice. Kiino even seems really cool and protective. It would be a lie to deny that I loved dancing so freely. There's nothing like that here in town_.

  
The war inside my head continues as I open the door and start discarding things I don't need and exchange them for what I do. I'm so lost in thought that I'm not even aware of Dominic until he touches my arm.

  
"OHFUCKSHIT! You- fuck me- hell-" I yell as I jump and whirl around to face him.

  
"My Goddess, my intent was not to scare you, but to get your attention. I am sorry to have startled you so." He holds his hands up in a placating gesture.

  
"Fucking hell. No, no Dominic, it was my fault. I was lost in thought didn't hear you come in. I'm not even sure what time it is really."

  
I take his hands and guide them around my waist as I lay my head on his chest. For the first time since I left my bed today I feel completely calm. I let out a long sigh and all the tension leaves with it.

  
"May I ask as to what had you distracted to the point of not hearing me when I called out your name?"

  
I look up at My Vampire in surprise. "You called my name? I'm sorry. I was just. . . . Just thinking too hard."

  
Dominic takes a step back and crouches down so he is eye level with me. "You are questioning going back to The Club with Ella." He says it so matter of fact.

  
"My Tzimisce," I place my hands on either side of his face, "I question many things in my life. I just never seem to question the right things. This is one of those times." I let him go and go back to brushing my hair.

  
"Goddess, if you are having doubts then I don't think it would be wise to go. You seem distracted enough as is. Going there could just add more stress that you do not need."

  
"Ha! If I take that advice at face value then I would have to apply it to many other situations. For example, being in a relationship with a certain vampire can be very hazardous to my health." I lock eyes with said vampire in my vanity mirror, "If I don't take the chance then I miss experiencing things. Besides, it's not just going up there that I'm questioning. It's something more that I won't have the answers to until I go up there."

  
"You don't have to stab yourself to know you'll bleed."

  
"That may be true, but I do need to know how deep it can go before I can't survive. Every day I live brings it's own risk. I'm smart enough to know that. Look," I turn around and place my hands on Dominic's chest, "there is only so much I can do to protect myself from hurt. I've come a long way from the girl I was to the woman you first met in the alley. You've seen me grow more in this past year, too. I've taken on things that scare the shit out of me just to see if I can. To prove that I can. Every day I live is more proof."

  
"You will be going out of town, driving (which you hate doing), and drinking in an over-sized glorified bar. You will be gone for hours and I have no way of contacting you or you me if anything goes south."

  
I open my mouth to speak, then close it as what he's saying hits me.

  
_We've never exchanged phone numbers. I don't go out too often, and even then not this late at night. He's here every night, whether I wanted him to be or not. We've only been a couple a few days and here I am, leaving him alone at home while I go drink with the girls. Ella is going to be pissed_.

  
"You know what? You're right. There are so many aspects of this that I didn't think through. I let El drag my ass up there the first time and now I'm planning on driving up there to help clean up a mess she made. All the while expecting you, my _boyfriend_ , to sit here and wait for me to come home like you're some kept house wife. There seems to be only one way to solve this. You have to come to The Club with me."

  
This is most definitely not what Dominic was expecting to hear if the look of shock across his face says anything.

  
"Now, let me finish getting ready and we can leave." I move around the confused vampire and grab the outfit I plan on wearing.

  
"Wait, you want me to come with you?"

  
"Well, yeah. It will be like a first real date for us, I'll still keep my word with Ella, you'll meet her in person so you can understand her better and be properly introduced as my boyfriend. You'll be there, so if anything happens you can whisk me away like a knight in shining armor. It kills so many birds with one stone and gives you piece of mind."

  
I pick up the pantyhose I was planning on wearing and throw them back down. _Since Dominic is coming I want to wear something a little sexier_. I grab a pair of thigh-high nylons from my dresser and start slipping them on.

  
"My Goddess, will Ella not be mad that you invited someone she's never met before to intrude on your girls night."

  
"Ha! For one thing, she has introduced me to many a random person in a new setting more than once. Fair play is a bitch and we are officially dating so she'll want to meet you anyway. For another, our _girls night_ was last week. This is me running up there to fix a problem that could of been avoided if the two of us were honest in the first place."

  
"Are you taking responsibility for her sneaking you into The Club?"

  
"Only in part."

  
"That makes no sense."

  
I finish pulling down my shirt before I turn my attention back to Dominic.

  
"It makes perfect sense. She may have snuck me in, but there were many times, after I found out how the I.D. check works there, that I could of spoken up and outed Ella. By not, I made myself an accomplice and must pay my own retribution."

  
"You are truly more compassionate then I, My Goddess."

  
"You may call it what you will, but I call it doing what I have to. Now!" I clap my hands together, "Since you are coming with, _you_ can drive us up there."

  
"As you wish."

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The ride up to The Club is going by faster with Dominic than it had with Ella. His driving may seem too fast and reckless to an outsider, but I know better. _He'd give the cast for Fast and Furious a run for their money_.

  
We are on the interstate going at least ten mph faster than every other car out here. He has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on my knee pulling my skirt higher with his finger tips, again, while I change the radio, again. We've been having this little battle since we left.

  
"Goddess, your choice in driving music does nothing to move me in the way you claim music can." He argues as I change the station back to something more upbeat.

  
"Just because it doesn't move you in the same way does as me not make a jumping song any less empowering. And will you please stop trying to cop a feel while driving?" I admonish as I push his hand off my thigh and pull my skirt back below my knees.

  
"My Goddess Adriena, the songs you are choosing are filled with so much-what is it they say, bass -that hearing the lyrics is nigh on impossible. You may as well just listen to songs with no lyrics then to that. Besides, you had no problem dressing so sensually in front of me earlier. I just wish to admire the lace at the top of your stockings."

  
The thrill that runs through me when he says my latest pet name is enough to distract me for a moment. Long enough for My Vampire to change the station back and place his hand back on my thigh. _You better be careful or you ain't gonna make it into The Club_. I decide it's time to change tactics.  
I lift up the hand on my leg and place it on the steering wheel. Then I shift in my seat until I'm facing Dominic and lean over the center console, resting one hand on his inner thigh.

  
I breath into his ear, "Oh, you underestimate the power all that bass has as it _pounds_ the beat into my _flesh_. The way it just makes everything inside me _vibrate_. The _thrumming_ pulse. It hits _sooooooo_ hard." All the while I speak I'm running my hand up and down the inner seam of his jeans.

  
". . . . My- Goddess! If you continue on the way y-you are I'm not sure if I will have the con-control to get us to our destination safely."  
His hands are gripping the wheel very tightly.

  
"I have faith in your _control_. What I'm doing right now," I whisper while reaching over and blindly changing the station back with a pre-set button, "will be mild in comparison to what I do to you later if you keep playing with my music- and my skirt."

  
I lean back until I'm resting against the passenger door with my knees folded up on the seat. I tuck my skirt under me and give Dominic a very pointed look.

He looks at the stereo, down at my skirt covered legs, up to my face, then cocks an eyebrow.

  
"As you wish," is all he says before returning his attention back to the road.

  
Something about the way he says that makes my heart skip a beat. The smile of triumphant I started to let cross my face falls away. The warmth that had started to bathe me with his words is quickly washed away with the chill of unease. I look out windshield so Dominic doesn't see the unease that's overcome me.

  
_But why? Why do you feel uneasy? You won your little war. He didn't get mad. Were you expecting him to? No, that's not it. It has something to do with the warmth in his words. Words that shouldn't make you feel warm. Empowered? Yes! Warm? Soft? No! What is it with the way he says those three simple words that strikes such a cord with you? Why do those word seem so familiar and so painful?_

  
I tug my jacket close around me as the chill inside me seeps out. Dominic wordlessly turns on the heater and directs the vents to blow warmth on me.

  
"Thank you." I murmur.

  
"There is no need for you to be chilled when there are plenty of ways to keep the cold away."

  
Dominic is staring straight ahead at the darkened road. He seems so relaxed with both his hands still on the wheel, but I know better. He knows that I am not just cold from outside sources. He just doesn't want to push it right now.

  
A small smile tugs at the corners of my mouth. I lean over the center console again and place a small kiss on his cheek. I then decide to ignore my warring emotions, and the discomfort of hard plastic, and shift myself to sit between our seats. I lift the arm that I had placed on the wheel earlier and wrap it around my shoulders as I snuggle into Dominic's side.

  
"Not that I am complaining, Goddess, but if an officer were to decide to pull us over it would be quit a fine."

  
"Then so be it. Right now I just don't care. Once we get off the interstate I'll move back to my own seat like a good girl. For right now, I just want _this_."

  
"As you wish."

  
The chill that tried to overtake me earlier doesn't return. Only warmth floods my body. I reach forward and change the station back to the one Dominic kept changing it to. _He'll get enough bass at The Club_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes this one is short. This chapter just didn't seem to need anymore so I left it 'on the road.' Raina


	22. Chapter Twenty-Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seeing the other side.

8:58 pm El: Girl! Where are you?

8:59 pm Ri: On my way. Had a few distractions but be there soon.

8:59 pm El: Well hurry cuz it's cold out here.

9:00 pm Ri: I told u I wouldn't be there til after 9. Why the hell u get there so early. And y the hell can't u wait in ur car?

9:01 pm El: . . . .

9:01 pm El: How close are r u?

I sigh and put my phone back in my purse. _That girl has no no sense sometimes. HA! No more than you do, really._ A smile crosses my face as Dominic pulls into the parking lot behind The Club.

"It is always a mystery to me how you can go from being so frustrated to amused with Ella." Dominic remarks as he pulls the keys out of the ignition.

"If you recall, I am the same way with you. If I wasn't so fluid in my moods then you wouldn't have a chance in this hell with me."

"My Goddess, I have lived in Hell far longer than you have been alive. I was reborn as one of it's creatures. I have seen and done things that would drive a mortal man to insanity and to say it was the will of the gods. I am no such fool. Nor are you. Mortals dragged you into their land of despair and called it hell to make you feel undeserving. You dragged yourself out in search of the truth. Don't let their words haunt you or you will fall into the pit that truly is Hell."

"So long as you are here I don't think I'll ever fall again. At least not long enough to forget the light that is you."

"You give me too much credit. It wasn't until you passed through and I first seen you that I was able to find my own way out of Hell. From that day on I knew you were more. I knew there may be hope for my damned soul. You are the light in my dark nights."

"I am only a reflection of my environment. Maybe that's what's you see. I'm reflecting your light back at you and you're mistaking me for something greater."

Dominic reaches over and cups my chin gently.

"I have looked at myself in many mirrors. I have never seen a light reflected back. If anything, I am a reflection and you are seeing your own brightness off of me. You simply have yet to come to accept your power. After all, you awakened my immortal soul and am giving me a chance to see a world I have never known."

With that he lets go of my chin and steps out of the car. I sigh in defeat, again. Dominic beats me to opening my door and holds it while I step out, closing it behind me as I pull my jacket closer to ward off the chilling winds. A heavy weight falls on my shoulders and fresh warmth engulfs me. I look over and see Dominic has shed his leather coat and placed it on me.

"My Goddess Adriena, there is no need for you to catch a chill so early in the evening."

Heat floods my body and flushes my face. I look away and busy myself with pulling the leather that smells of him closer.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Shall you lead the way to the entrance? As I have never been here before."

"Ah, yes!" My head jerks up and I start walking.

Dominic falls into step besides me, taking the side closest to the street, and casually wraps an arm around my waist. His hand sits just over my hip in a subtle way that claims me as his while also saying I'm free to walk on my own if I so choose. I lean into My Tzimisce and slid one of my arms around his waist in the same fashion. This is how we walk along the side of the massive building. Each taking different length steps while maintaining an even pace. Neither of us speaking. Like we are the only two beings left in the world and we don't care as long as we have each-other.

We round the corner and the our privet bubble is popped. The chatter from waiting patrons shatters the quiet between us. Having experienced this before I am unfazed and keep walking. Dominic, on the other hand, stops in his tracks, forcing our bodies to separate.

I ignore the sudden feeling of loss as I turn back to find out what made him stop.

"Hey, is everything ok? The entrance is at the other end of this line. Oh shit! I have to text El to find out where we meeting up."

I pull out my phone and skim the five texts she sent while we were walking. Seeing nothing in them about where to meet, just complaints about how long I'm taking, I type out a quick text asking to come to me. As I hit send I look up at Dominic, who still hasn't moved. I nearly drop my phone at the look of horror on his face.

"Dominic? Dominic?! Tzimisce!" I yell as I grab his arm.

Relief floods me when he looks down at me. I reach up and cup the side of his face, watching recognition return to his eyes.

"My Tzimisce, tell me what has set you on edge."

Without warning, Dominic wraps both arms around me and pulls me close, trapping one of my arms between us. His hold is so tight I can barely breath, but I ignore the discomfort. His body is so tense under me it feels as if he's made of stone. _I've never seen him like this before. What has him in such a state?_ I run my free hand through his hair and murmur soothing words.

"It's all right, Dominic. Your Goddess is here. Take a deep breath and let it out. I'm not going anywhere. I'm here for you, My Tzimisce.-"

Dominic finally, _finally_ , takes in a large shuddering breath. The muscles along his stomach soften against me as he exhales. He tilts his head into my hand and takes a smaller breath.

"I'm sorry, My Goddess." His voice is so quiet against all the noise ahead of us that I barely hear him.

"Dominic, can you explain what is wrong? If this is too much then you don't have to come in."

"No! No, I will be fine. I was just a bit overwhelmed by the amount of bodies."

I try to look him in the eyes but he avoids direct contact. I open my mouth to demand he look at me but right then I hear my name being called from the crowd.

Dominic unwraps himself from around me and takes a step back. I reach out and grab one of his hands, very pointedly, before turning around to see who is calling me.

"Riena! Riena, there you are." Ella comes rushing over to us along the long line of people. She is extremely out of breath and is still shivering. _Well this is what she gets for wearing so little on a night like this._

  
Ella has chosen to wear a dark green halter top that makes her small breasts look even larger, probably with the help of a push-up bra, with only a half jacket made of black faux fur to cover her upper half. Once again she sports open-toed heels, same green as her top, that gives her at least three more inches in height. What I really can't understand is why the hell she insists on wearing a skirt that only reaches to the middle of her thighs.

"El! What the hell! It's not even 50 degrees out here. Are you trying to catch pneumonia?" I grab her arm with my free hand as I'm yelling at her, but she doesn't seem to notice either action.

I follow her gaze over my shoulder, straight to where Dominic is standing half a foot behind me, our hands still locked. He tries to pull his away discretely, but I hold on even harder and pull him forward to stand besides me.

"Um. . . . Ri? Who the hell is this? Who the hell are you? Explain!" Ella demands, looking at me, to Dominic, and then back to me with each question. All the shiver has left her as she places her hands on her hips and takes, what I call, the 'scolding mom pose.'

"Relax El." I sooth. "Let me introduce you to Dominic. My _boyfriend_."

I watch Ella's face closely as my words sink in. Confusion; understanding; realization; delight.

"Oh my fucking stars, Ri! I'm so happy for you! Now neither of us are single!" Ella yells in joy while taking me into her arms and giving me a hug so tight it almost rivaled Dominic's from earlier.

I look over at said vampire, cocking an eyebrow at him. He smiles down at me and lightly squeezes my hand. Ella pulls away and gives Dominic a stern look.

"I'm Ella. This woman here is a wonderful woman and deserves only the best. If you ever hurt her I will make sure it's the last thing you do. You understand?" Her hands are back on her hips.

Dominic doesn't even hesitate as he crosses his free hand over stomach and bows to Ella. "I will treat her like the goddess she is. You have my word."

His vow makes my heart flutter. Suddenly the chilly air is stifling. _He's making the vow to Ella. Why does it make me so uncomfortable? He calls me Goddess all the time. There is nothing different about his words. So why does my heart ache?_

"You better," Ella proclaims before clapping her hands together. "Now, let us get this show on the road so we can have some real fun."

With that she grabs my free hand, turns on her heel and leads us all the way to the front of the line. When we get close I see Adrien/Adonis standing by the door security. I'm a bit surprised to see Big Joe standing there instead of Tiny. I'm sure this has something to do with Kiino's punishment and am equally sure that I'll find out soon enough.

"Hey Riena." Adrien calls to me. He looks over at the man behind me but makes no other comment.

Ella lets go of me to run the last few steps to _her_ new boyfriend. She wraps her arms around him and plants a big lipstick smearing kiss on him. Many people that see this ignore their previous anger at us cutting in front to hoot and holler at the over-the-top display of affection.

By the time Dominic and I reach them their make-out session is over. Ella steps back and wipes away the smudged lipstick while reaching out for me again.

"You remember my girl, of course. And this dark thunder behind her is her boyfriend. . . ." She pauses and looks at me expectantly. _She's already forgot his name?_

"My name is Dominic. It is a pleasure to me you-" Dominic holds out his hand as he waits for a name in return.

"Uh- Adrien. Nice to meet you, too." Adrien takes the offered hand and they shake.

Adrien raises both his eyebrows at Dominic. I look over at My Vampire to see a challenging look directed at Adrien. _A testosterone battle? Really?_ I kick Dominic sideways to tel him to stop. He loosens his grip and Adrien retreats his hand quickly. Ella is distracted with reapplying her lipstick using the camera on her phone as a mirror and notices none of the exchange.

I decide to take charge of the situation.

"Sooooo. We gonna go in or stand out here all night?"

Ella turns back to the three of us in a heartbeat. "Oh yeah."

She walks up to Big Joe and asks, "So now that Riena is here can she get her I.D. scanned so we can go in? I'm tired of waiting out here."

"Let me check with the boss lady first." He says in his deep voice.

"Come on. It's cold as fuck out here."

"Look, La la," he reaches on his belt and pulls off a walkie- talkie, "you ain't getting me into trouble like you did Tiny. I love you dearly, but my job ain't worth your impatience." With that he turns from her to make his call.

Ella crosses her arms and pouts. Adrien comes up behind her and places his own coat over her shoulders. She smiles up at him with such adoration.

I look from the sheepish Adrien to My Vampire. He's giving the younger man a look I can't quit comprehend.

"May I ask what exactly the whole hand thing was about?" I whisper to Dominic.

He wraps his arm back around my waist before replying. "He was not being a good man to her. I was reminding him that there are many ways to be a strong man."

"Just because he didn't give Ella his coat? How does he even know that _that_ was what the whole hand thing was about."

"Any man that proclaims he desires none but the one woman on his arm should never have to be asked to give up his own coat to keep her warm. If she were to fall ill it would be because he didn't do everything in his power to keep her well. If he is to fall ill because he gave up his coat, any woman proclaiming she desires none but the man on her arm, will do everything in her power to make sure he is well again quickly. Our young man here was failing in his duties. By me gripping his hand more firmly in a sign a dominance makes him question why I would do such a thing if I have already laid claim to you. It is as effective as a father giving a man courting his daughter a disapproving look, if the man has any respect for the woman and her family."

"Ah." Is my eloquent reply.  _I still don't understand that completely, but I guess I don't have to._

While we were talking I watched many men in line start to remove their coats and wrap them around the women they were with. The few men who refused looked to be going home alone tonight, if the arguing with the women were any indication. I pull Dominic's coat tighter and lean into him while we wait for, well, whatever it is we are waiting for.

We don't have to wait too long. As Big Joe is sliding a woman's I.D. through a scanning device in his hand Kiino comes strolling out.

Tonight her hair is pulled back in a high ponytail with two waving locks draping on either side of her face. She's wearing a crimson sleeveless top that hugs her body from neck to waist-line and shimmers slightly under the light above the door. Dark pants, with the same shimmer, fit glove-like down her legs and tuck into a pair of suede ankle boots with little buckles on the backs.

When she spots our little group a twisted smile curves her lips.

"Welcome back, ladies." She says as she walks up to us.

"Kiino, I got her to come back to make things right. Can you please let me back into The Club?" Ella begs before anyone else can speak.

"First things first. Big Joe!" Kiino calls over her shoulder.

"Yes, Ma'am?"

"Once you finish with that group hand me the scanner."

"Yes, Ma'am."

"While we wait I want to get a few things off my chest. First off, under no circumstance is anyone to ever pull a stunt like La la did, or you and your friend will be banned. Am I clear?"

A chorus of 'yes, ma'am' comes from us.

"Secondly, La la, you are only getting this one pass. Any other stupid stunts and there will be no chances to redeem yourself. Which you still have to do before you think this is enough. Understand?"

"Yes." From Ella alone.

"Yes _what_?" Kiino presses.

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good. And finally," she pauses as Big Joe hands her the scanner, "who is this new guy with you?"

All eyes turn to Dominic who, up until this point, was looking very amused by the whole situation. Now he looks like he got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It only takes a second for him to recover, however, as he draws away from me to take a step closer to Kiino.

"My name is Dominic. I am here per Riena's request. It is an honour* to meet you." He takes Kiino's empty hand in his and bows over it.

As he rights himself he takes a step back and returns his arm behind me.

"What the hell?! You only bowed in front of me and called it a _pleasure_. You say it's an honor for her while taking her hand?" Ella squawks.

"El, I'm sure Kiino has better things to do than to listen to us bicker over petty shit." I say to defuse any further argument.

"Yes, I do. So lets get the two easiest out of the way. Adonis?" Kiino hold out her hand for Adrien's I.D.

He hands it to her and she sends it through the scanner quickly.

"You can go in now."

"I'll wait for El, if you don't mind."

"Fine by me. La la?" Kiino holds out her hand again.

Once Ella's card is scanned Kiino tells her to wait in the coat check room.

"I can wait to go in until Riena comes in."

"No. You will go in and wait where I told you to." Kiino's tone says she will not be argued with.

Ella sighs. "See you on the other side, Girlie."

Adrien holds the door for her and they disappear inside.

"Your turn." Kiino turns to me.

I hand over my own card and watch as it's scanned.

"So, uh, what is the nickname that I'm to be given?"

"Oh, don't worry. You'll find out soon enough."

She hits a few buttons on the scanner's screen. I try to peek over it, but she lifts it away and gives me a look that makes me back off.

"Ok, Charmer, time to get you into the system."

Every nerve in my body tightens. I hold my breath as Dominic hands Kiino a state drivers licence.

I had filled Dominic in on all the details of why I had to come back up. When I had first insisted on him coming with tonight it had slipped my mind that Dominic has been a vampire for a very long time and any identification he had in his day wouldn't be valid today. It wasn't until I was doing a final purse check, making sure my own I.D. was in it, that I even thought of it. After chuckling at my lack of foresight, he informed me that he had new identification papers made long ago.

I know there are plenty of ways to make a false identity. There's also plenty of ways to get busted because of minor errors. I'm not so sure how high tech this scanner is, nor how well done the card is.

Everything seems be moving slowly as Kiino brings the thin plastic up to the scanner.

My heart thumps when the device makes a beep indicating it was finished.

My breath leaves my lungs in a soft sigh of relief when Kiino hands the card back to Dominic.

"You're in the system now, too. Just keep in mind what I said earlier. You two can come in now."

Kiino hands the device back to Big Joe as we pass and holds the door open for us.

"After you, Malady." Dominic does a sweeping bow for me, covertly looking down the hall.

I smile down at him as I walk across the threshold.

 

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*The way Dominic say's 'honour' is the more formal way. Thus the 'U'.  


End file.
